Best way to deal with bad manners...

maman

Piggywiggy wrote: »

I've found the best way to deal with rude people is to behave in the same way back to them.

And I find the complete opposite better. I'm all for taking the moral high ground and rising above it. IMO if I don't approve of rudeness I'm hardly likely to copy it.


In the case OP describes, I would join MrsRudemess in intervening if I overheard a malicious comment. I probably wouldn't say anything maybe a raised eyebrow, just enough to know I disapproved.


I have to say that twist and knickers come to mind. I suppose if the community is full of drama queens and OP wants to be one of them then she's going about it the right way. I'm not sure that lifestyle would be for me.

moneyistooshorttomention

The eavesdropped on comment wasn't malicious in any way - beyond that would be personal identifier stuff.

I'm not someone who goes in for nasty gossip, but it was obvious from what was said by Mrs Rudeness that she had been doing so, as she had "someone else's" opinion of me, rather than having formed her own.

Petra_70

What was it you said 'moneyistooshorttomention?'

You should be able to give us an idea without giving away personal info...

Jagraf

I need to know the whole scenario, for example, if you were in a group and two people talk with that third person sitting between you, then I think its more rude to talk over them. If, say, you are in a pub and your conversation is loud enough for other people to hear, then I think you should expect it (if its quite loud and off putting). If someone is just obviously earwigging, its rude.

I've sat by people on trains, in pubs etc who go on and on in loud voices and it drives me nuts.

Person_one

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

The eavesdropped on comment wasn't malicious in any way

Yeah but, you would say that. Wouldn't you? :rotfl:

Petra_70

I have to agree that it is rude to butt into someone's conversation, but as several people have said; if someone is being very rude or racist or saying something mean and horrible, then maybe you have a right to butt in.

I usually don't speak loud enough for people to 'overhear,' but if someone did over hear and commented, and I hadn't said anything rude, I would probably tell them that this is a private conversation,

Tell you what I DO hate, and this has happened to me several times lately.

I have been in a crowd of people (socially or at work,) and I have been in the middle of talking to someone, and someone ELSE comes along and starts talking to the person I'm talking to, completely talking over me, and disregarding me.

I was talking to someone at work the other day about our impending holiday, and explaining where we were staying and so on, and this other (loud and obnoxious) colleague, marched up and said to my colleague 'How's Steve?! Has he recovered from his night out with the lads the other week?' Just completely talking over me and not acknowledging the fact I was even there!

As I said, I have experienced this a number of times, and it's one of my pet peeves. Maybe I should tell them it's a private conversation too!

amistupid

I often used to have words with yobs who felt during their 'conversations' they could use expletives, within hearing of my kids.

moneyistooshorttomention

I think the best way to put it re the perfectly innocent (and accurate!) comment I made in that private conversation was that I've discovered there appears to be an unwritten rule here that "People aren't allowed to say someone has done something wrong - if the wrongdoer is a local, but you aren't" and I was commenting on some wrongdoing.

So - I've learnt that I cant say "But that's wrong that is...." to a local person about another local person. However, my comment was in a private conversation with another non-local and Mrs Rudeness is a "local". Hence my upset that she breached the politeness rule and commented about a conversation she wasn't a part of and therefore wasn't entitled to comment on. Also why this isn't a situation I can recall encountering before - hence not knowing quite how to deal with it.

I guess this all rather boils down to I'm probably going to have to learn to "scan the horizon" quickly too before mentioning that anyone has done something wrong (or expressing perfectly valid opinions about anything except the most innocuous ones of "I prefer Cheshire to cheddar cheese" level) in case there is anyone around who might believe I wasn't entitled to say it (even though we all are obviously allowed to recognise a wrongdoer or have perfectly ordinary opinions). A quick look-around first to check for likelihood of "potential disapprovers" within earshot I guess...:rotfl:

I'm wondering whether this applies to all smaller communities and guess its perhaps a "city" viewpoint to try and work out the facts of the matter as to who is right and who is wrong and weigh up the "evidence" in your own mind and form your own opinion for yourself and try and base that opinion on the facts of the matter - and its totally irrelevant as to whether someone is local or no. If they're wrong they're wrong. If they're right they're right.

Perhaps I should just point out to her that different ideas apply and the basic rule is the Politeness One of respecting the privacy of other peoples conversations? I'm undecided whether to just steer clear of her or tell her to be polite in future and then steer clear of her, unless she apologises ever (which I think is rather unlikely....:cool:).

Person_one

Sounds like you were gossiping, making accusations, and somebody pulled you up on it and defended your target.

Yet you think they were the rude one in the situation...

balletshoes

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I think the best way to put it re the perfectly innocent (and accurate!) comment I made in that private conversation was that I've discovered there appears to be an unwritten rule here that "People aren't allowed to say someone has done something wrong - if the wrongdoer is a local, but you aren't" and I was commenting on some wrongdoing.

So - I've learnt that I cant say "But that's wrong that is...." to a local person about another local person. However, my comment was in a private conversation with another non-local and Mrs Rudeness is a "local". Hence my upset that she breached the politeness rule and commented about a conversation she wasn't a part of and therefore wasn't entitled to comment on. Also why this isn't a situation I can recall encountering before - hence not knowing quite how to deal with it.

I guess this all rather boils down to I'm probably going to have to learn to "scan the horizon" quickly too before mentioning that anyone has done something wrong (or expressing perfectly valid opinions about anything except the most innocuous ones of "I prefer Cheshire to cheddar cheese" level) in case there is anyone around who might believe I wasn't entitled to say it (even though we all are obviously allowed to recognise a wrongdoer or have perfectly ordinary opinions). A quick look-around first to check for likelihood of "potential disapprovers" within earshot I guess...:rotfl:

I'm wondering whether this applies to all smaller communities and guess its perhaps a "city" viewpoint to try and work out the facts of the matter as to who is right and who is wrong and weigh up the "evidence" in your own mind and form your own opinion for yourself and try and base that opinion on the facts of the matter - and its totally irrelevant as to whether someone is local or no. If they're wrong they're wrong. If they're right they're right.

Perhaps I should just point out to her that different ideas apply and the basic rule is the Politeness One of respecting the privacy of other peoples conversations? I'm undecided whether to just steer clear of her or tell her to be polite in future and then steer clear of her, unless she apologises ever (which I think is rather unlikely....:cool:).

a lot of words - so you were talking about someone and "Mrs Rudeness" overheard and challenged you on what you said? Is that more or less the situation? If she actually overheard you, then maybe your private conversation should have taken place somewhere more private.