Does everyone have this amount of clothes?

Goldiegirl

Birdie85 wrote: »

Firstly, I get a little fed up with the backwards snobbery towards people who *do* like to wear 'nice' clothes on holiday and take a big suitcase. I'm not that bad but I do fill a suitcase when going away, and I do take more than 2 pairs of shoes with me on holiday, and I do steer clear of ugly shoes because I don't want to look ridiculous but I don't think that's any worse than people who take 2 outfits and pride themselves on how light they travel. There are more photos taken of me during a 2 week holiday than the rest of the year put together so I want to make sure I look nice, so what's the harm in getting dressed up on an evening? I also agree that 'stylish' and 'fashionable' are not one and the same thing; I tend to look stylish over fashionable and am happy with that!

Interesting comment about backwards snobbery.


I saw similar comment on another thread on another part of the board about inverse snobbery


There seems to be a lot of it about on MSE.


Anyway, back on topic


I go on cruises for my holiday, so I need to take clothes to wear during the day and other clothes to wear in the evening


The pair of purple sandals pictured earlier on this thread would be great for wearing round the ship during the day or going ashore. Indeed, I have a similar pair that I wear on board, with shorts and t-shirt in hot climates. If it's a cold climate cruise, I'd wear trainers or walking shoes with jeans and a top.


But, in the evening you need to change for dinner, so I need to make sure I have a few sparkly dresses for formal nights, and nice dresses or trousers and tops for the smart casual nights.


But I manage to take everything I need for a fortnight in one case. It's taken out of our car boot at Southampton, and the next time I see it, it's in our cabin, so it's very easy - no lugging cases around at all.

Person_one

splitinfinity wrote: »

Now if I was the suspicious type, I could say both Person_one and missbiggles1 sound a little jealous of the chemistry between me and my wife

You've got me, I just want nothing more than a man around the house 'encouraging' me to do things his way all the time and thinking he's got some sort of say over what happens to my stuff.

Oh wait, I had one of those, and I moved out. :cool:

The word 'mutual' is great when its about things that should be that way. The house you eventually buy should definitely be a mutual decision. How much clothing she owns? That's her decision, now to do with you unless its directly affecting you significantly.

splitinfinity

Person_one wrote: »

You've got me, I just want nothing more than a man around the house 'encouraging' me to do things his way all the time and thinking he's got some sort of say over what happens to my stuff.

Oh wait, I had one of those, and I moved out. :cool:

The word 'mutual' is great when its about things that should be that way. The house you eventually buy should definitely be a mutual decision. How much clothing she owns? That's her decision, now to do with you unless its directly affecting you significantly.

And yet, if I present an idea and she likes it, I would argue that it is mutual. Not a dictatorship. I think you fail to grasp how this works.

Please show me which part of my post said that "I forced her to reduce her wardrobe". I quote: "'encourage' her to do things my way all the time"; By reading my posts, you will find, we both try and 'encourage' each other to do things our own ways. I fail to understand the kind of relationship some people have where you do not share your ideas, or likes/dislikes or try and get your OH to try different things.

Please explain to me, if I like a certain type of music, what are the reasons why I would not give her a chance to appreciate it. If she hates it then fair enough. But how do you not share something like that at least once? If I like going for a run early in the morning, is it wrong to invite the wife to join me? If she says no, then fair enough. If she enjoys it, then it becomes a regular part of our lives.

How is this a dictatorship?

lostinrates

splitinfinity wrote: »

Between the brown and black, with some cedar shoe trees, monthly cleaning/polish/waxing, they've lasted a while. 4 years for the black, 3 years for the brown. The brown shoes are ready for a new heel (£6 at my cobblers).

My husband has about half a dozen pairs of work shoes. Like you, he maintains them at the cobblers, but he also rotates them. He keeps a pair in a packed bag ready to run, and cannot wear brown for many work occasions ( any at current place of work)., even without roasting, he needs pairs to wear while some are at the cobblers. Similarly trainers, which need relatively frequent replacement for optimum benefit, he replaces six monthly on sale basis. He recently got a pair of trainers which retail at around £100 ish for £40. This is the basis on which he buys his trainers. The old pair become ' relaxed shoes, for walking the dogs, putting bins out, the current pair are the serious pair, and the new ones are being broken in lightly for gym work. Soon they'll be rotated with the current pair, then swapped, then he'll but a new pair.....and the cycle begins again. . He also has some leisure shoes and boots, and some activity specific footwear....These tend to take far more of a bashing than work shoes.

My shoes are far more plentiful but some are .....um, almost twenty years old.



Unlike some of the other women here, I do use my DH as a clothes sounding board and he uses me. But, its a job I think is better with a style conscious, kind friend who is brave enough to say NO.

Goldiegirl

splitinfinity wrote: »

Its a difficult subject to bring up. Especially when my OH has grown up with things like FB and instagram, where here friends/family/followers etc are always posting things like "bought new shoes!" etc. But if spoken about correctly and shown how much the extra money/space this stuff takes up, then gradually you can work towards minimalism. No hard and fast rules, saying it has to happen overnight. Plus even I am not aiming for a 10 item wardrobe, I still have 'more' than I need, so nothing is forcing her to give everything up. Just a question of how you look at it I suppose.

"get rid of your half your wardrobe" vs "get rid of one of your 3 pairs of black jeans" - slowly will get you there.

I know you have spoken more about your relationship dynamics, in subsequent posts, but I'd just like to highlight this one comment.


I can understand if you've both agreed not to buy any new clothes for a while, but I don't really see why she needs to give up any of the jeans she already has - you said she like to wear things out rather than throw things out, so I don't really see the harm in keeping what she already has, if she's still wearing them.




You give the impression that you would like to buy quality, rather than quantity.


There's nothing wrong with that - my dad was the ultimate quality over quantity guy. He had a small wardrobe of good pieces. He bought a blazer in 1945 - and he was still wearing it until he died in 2004!


However, he never even suggested that my mum took the same approach to her wardrobe.


You say that your wife has now embraced your wardrobe style.


So I imagine she's buying few good quality, classic items, that will last for years.


But she's still a young woman - and even classic pieces subtly date over a period of time, with changes in the cut and design.


Is she really going to be happy wearing dated clothing?


You give the impression of being a person who is proud of their appearance, and feel you are the best dressed person at events. So it won't bother you what other people are saying, and for all you know they could be saying 'Splitinfinity is wearing that old suit again - he's worn that to the last three weddings'!


If you are happy and content, you are free to do what you want - but I do wonder if your wife is quite as happy, in spite of what you say about consensual and mutual. Maybe she goes along with it for a quiet life?

Gloomendoom

lostinrates wrote: »

Unlike some of the other women here, I do use my DH as a clothes sounding board and he uses me. But, its a job I think is better with a style conscious, kind friend who is brave enough to say NO.

Mrs G uses each other as clothes sounding boards too... and I am brave enough to say NO, as is she. Some of the clothes she gets the most complements in have been bought by me which, more often than not, results in surprised looks when other women ask where she got them.

She will always ask for my opinion when doing a wardrobe cull too.

splitinfinity

Goldiegirl wrote: »

If you are happy and content, you are free to do what you want - but I do wonder if your wife is quite as happy, in spite of what you say about consensual and mutual. Maybe she goes along with it for a quiet life?

I really don't know how more to explain how an open relationship works. We are communicative about what we like and what we don't. Some people on here have suggested that their "husband doesn't care what they buy or chuck away" or they do not sit and discuss furniture with their OH and so on.

We have tried a number of things, and some have ended up as mainstays for us. Food places, ingredients, brands, holiday places, car types/colours, clothing styles etc... If we do not like something it always gets bought up, if we are happy - then we continue doing what we are doing. End of.

So is she chucking away a pair of jeans for a quiet life, I think not. If she wanted to keep it, she would say, just like with some of her floral dresses. We have been there and we know what works and what doesn't. Verbal communication usually solves any unknowns in our relationship.

splitinfinity

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Mrs G uses each other as clothes sounding boards too... and I am brave enough to say NO, as is she. Some of the clothes she gets the most complements in have been bought by me which, more often than not, results in surprised looks when other women ask where she got them.

She will always ask for my opinion when doing a wardrobe cull too.

I applaud you. Finally, someone who thinks its great to use their OH as a soundboard to bounce ideas off. Some people on this thread, make it sound like a crime to discuss ideas, or perhaps think it is some form of dictatorship to encourage/discuss new thoughts.

lostinrates

Goldiegirl wrote: »

You give the impression that you would like to buy quality, rather than quantity.


There's nothing wrong with that - my dad was the ultimate quality over quantity guy. He had a small wardrobe of good pieces. He bought a blazer in 1945 - and he was still wearing it until he died in 2004!


However, he never even suggested that my mum took the same approach to her wardrobe.


You say that your wife has now embraced your wardrobe style.


So I imagine she's buying few good quality, classic items, that will last for years.


But she's still a young woman - and even classic pieces subtly date over a period of time, with changes in the cut and design.


Is she really going to be happy wearing dated clothing?

I think this is impacting men's clothing increasingly ( again, remembering this has been key historically) but doesn't touch as much or as hard. It can be very aging and lead people to draw conclusions, correct or not, about other aspects of life, how we present our selves. I think there is a happy in between, Stylish, time
Was staples, nodding trees with accessories is the classic way. Often the accessories are more expensive and its cheaper ( morals about materials and manufacturing conditions aside) to buy a new dress/top whatever to wear with already owned shoes.

missbiggles1

splitinfinity wrote: »

or add her favourite music CD's to my car.

Well, that answers my next question as to whose car you got rid of.;)