Husband doesn't find me attractive!

Movingon5464

Well done for losing weight I agree with everyone else that you husband is probably very insecure and very threatened by your weight loss. I think you realise this and feel sorry for him and think that if only he knew that you loved him and was not interested in other men then everything would be OK. There might be a day when this happens but I believe the longer he has been this way the less likely he is to ever change. In the meantime both you and your son are suffering. I am sorry to say but I think you need to leave him. I don't believe you will do it for yourself but do it for your child. You will not be breaking up his happy home - you will be breaking up his unhappy home. No child should have to grow up in that environment. You will find the support you need. Just look at the level of support you have had on this site.

lilywho

have never messaged before but cant stay silent on this after reading. my situation was so similar to yours and we stayed together in the same house for another 5 years. my children were possibly older than your son thou. after i finally couldnt live like that anymore i separated. my oldest son then told me that it was the worst feeling ever living like that and how it had affected him and his brothers. he also has since said that they now feel happier and wished id separated earlier. they were living under a horrible cloud.i thought at the time it was healthier emotionally for them to continue living with us both. they are all sure it wasnt and i was wrong. it has affected them in different ways but have now differing relationships with their father due to what they witnessed and felt. no 2 situations can be the same, but please always put your child first in everything. hope this helps in some way. sitting here tearful now although i separated over 10 years ago. i am still concerned about my boys

ali-t

Marieboo2 wrote: »

Most of my friends have gone now tbh. He seems to be allowed lots of friends, mainly female I have to admit but it's got to the point going out is too much hassle. I went out for a bike ride and he accused me of meeting someone? I almost laughed at the ridiculousness of it.
One minute he thinks I'm looking for his replacement, the next he tells me no one would want me, I'm mad or crazy (I have depression and at my worst he told me to kill myself because my depression was making him feel bad)
I understand writing all this down it seems he's just a prize a hole. But he has a way of making me feel I would be lost without him. It's very strange.

Op, you need to makte some changes - either set boundaries for acceptable behaviour or get out of there. Your child is growing up with this as their example of how men treat women and how women respond to this.

calleyw

ali-t wrote: »

Op, you need to makte some changes - either set boundaries for acceptable behaviour or get out of there. Your child is growing up with this as their example of how men treat women and how women respond to this.

And don't back down. Keep to the boundaries all the time. Don't give in as then he will know he has won. And it will start all over again.

Yours

Calley

Bennifred

OP - what would you say to your daughter if she was being treated like you are?

Would you want her to stay and put up with that life? Or would you want her to be brave and do what is right for herself and her son?

Life is all too short. Don't waste it, please!

harrys_nan

Marieboo2

Just checking to make sure you are ok, please let us know, x

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

The evil Jojo that sits on my left shoulder would be sorely tempted to say (having been with someone who I found actually stirring an entire block of butter into baked beans when I first started trying to be healthier and went ballistic when I brushed my teeth or hair, never mind put on makeup), when accused of looking for a new man;

'Well, the way things are going with your health, I figured it isn't going to be that long before I'm a widow, so I decided I'd have more of a choice if I started getting ready sooner rather than later'.




I'm roughly eight stone lighter myself now and have a lovely OH who fancied me when I was bigger and fancies me now I'm smaller. If he fancies something high calorie, he'll ask whether I want that or something lighter, he brings back veggies rather than crisps from the shop and cooks meals with them and never complains about anything I cook. And I know that, rather than wave it around in front of my face, he discreetly has late night snacks and puts everything away so it's not hanging around when I get in from work.

The only reason I don't go to the gym right now is lack of money. As soon as we have enough to justify it, I'm going - and he'll probably end up washing my gym kit for me most the time.

He fancied me when I was bigger and never wore makeup or nice clothes; he fancies me now I'm much smaller, do my hair, wear makeup, do my nails and wear clothes that skim my curves. But, even if he does feel even the slightest twinge of insecurity, he's never let me know it. Because he trusts me.


That's what things should be like.

Morglin

Marieboo2 wrote: »

No he said nothing when his friends made fun, just mens banter apparently. It was so bad it made me cry ( I never do that) and he told me I was pathetic and needed help.

As for Facebook, he doesn't know I can see what he looks at, he constantly checks out woman's profiles, going through their pics etc, always when I'm out of the room or in bed. But if I were to confront him it would be in some way my fault he does that too.

Dump him - you can do better than him.:mad:

He sounds dreadful, and is undermining you to make himself feel better.

Lin

skattykatty

Just checking in to see how you're doing OP.

You've been in my thoughts.

kezzygirl

Marieboo2 wrote: »

I find it difficult to imagine myself separate from him. Even going out alone is now something I don't enjoy, not just due to the accusations but it just feels wrong to be on my own. So leaving or him leaving seems if I'm honest like the worst outcome. I don't think I could cope on my own.

Yes my son does see me upset and he hears what his father says, he will often comfort me (I try not to let him see it though) or tell his dad to stop being horrible to me. He gets angry if he thinks his dad is being horrible. He has taken to telling me I'm wonderful and how much he loves me. Lovely to hear but I think he does it to counter what his father says

That ^^^ is a lot of responsibility for a little boy. He should not have to stick up for you to his dad, it is wrong. PLEASE think of your son and the effect seeing and hearing all of this is having on him both now, and in the future.

I don't think you are at your point where u say 'enough is enough'. I hope for your sake and that of your son, that you get there soon.