Intimidated by new partner's wealth/expectations

burnoutbabe

this could of course be the start of 50 shades of Grey 2! He sounds very Christian Grey. Welcome to his red room of pain.

FBaby

I don't think he necessarily overrides what I want deliberately but he admitted he always needs to be in control when he has his 'work head' on and that he needs to learn to be less selfish. I don't want to hurt him but I will talk to him today and let him know that he needs to consider my wishes alongside his own. 'Domineering' is how one poster put it and I think that's the right word.

And some women do like men who take control. Personally, it is an attractive trait to me and the opposite a turn off. The circumstances is that I do too so we take turn!

You say he needs to consider your wishes, but then you used an example when he 'suggested' not 'insisted', and you went along with it. How can this be considered domineering?

I don't think you and him are well suited together and I expect it won't take long until you both acknowledge it. You sound like you need someone much more attentive to your needs and he probably needs someone a more assertive than you are.

cheepskate_2

You cant change who you are...so dont try to. You have to find someone who is compatable with you as you cannot change people to what you want them to be.

You have only been out on a few dates and from the sounds of it you are not compatable....you have to ask yourself " What is really keeping you together"

Missyhenry

elsien wrote: »

I have to ask, but if you've only been on a few dates and find it hard to talk about what he sees in you, how come you've got as far as the bedroom department?
Maybe you both need to back off a bit and get to know each other a bit better.

Remind me which century we're living in.:)

KiKi

BrassicWoman wrote: »

Because she wants to and is an adult? Back to 1820 with you....

Missyhenry wrote: »

Remind me which century we're living in.:)

I didn't read it that people are saying that sleeping with someone after a few dates is wrong. More that in *this* woman's situation, if she is intimated by him and finds him domineering and he's pushy with expectations in sex, then they may need to get to know each other's likes and expectations better first (by spending more time with each other) so that sex doesn't feel so uncomfortable.

OP, I don't think he sounds awful - you could interpret his behaviour in two ways: someone might think he's rude taking you to a different restaurant than the one you've chosen; someone else might think he's trying to treat you. In your own words, you agreed to go somewhere different, you didn't say "no, I'd prefer to stay here," so how was he supposed to know? It may not have occurred to him that it could seem rude - he may really like you and wanted to take you somewhere you'd not been before.

It sounds like he's used to being domineering, and you're not assertive. That's a recipe for disaster, regardless of anything else. You need to be assertive, and see what happens - if he responds to that, then great! If he doesn't, then you're probably not right for each other.

Goldiegirl

I have to agree, he doesn't sound particularly kind, sweet natured or polite, from what's been said so far.

Definitely, the best thing to do is to talk about it with him, both the going out and staying in situation.

If he's really a good catch, he'll be understanding and you can work out a solution. If not, then it's probably best to call it a day before you get too attached to him.

Regarding the money, unless you've seen all his bank account statements, I'd take it with a pinch of salt about how much he earns, he might not be telling the whole truth - he could be in dire financial straights, but living the high life on credit cards that he defaults on!

pollypenny

Goldiegirl wrote: »

I have to agree, he doesn't sound particularly kind, sweet natured or polite, from what's been said so far.

Regarding the money, unless you've seen all his bank account statements, I'd take it with a pinch of salt about how much he earns, he might not be telling the whole truth - he could be in dire financial straights, but living the high life on credit cards that he defaults on!

My thoughts exactly. He sounds like a boaster, both about his wealth and taking the OP to expensive restaurants.

Watch this space!

gentlewoman

poorlittlefish wrote: »

I've met a kind, sweet-hearted man who seems very keen on me but I find myself feeling intimidated and inadequate, to the extent that I'm feeling uncomfortable and down.

We both work full-time but he earns a ridiculously large amount of money (24 x my salary) and because of his wealth he's been everywhere, done everything and buys the very best, which I simply cannot afford to do. I feel like I've had such a dull, mundane existence. For a couple of our dates I've suggested what, to me, are 'normal' places to go for a meal, but what's happened is that I've met him there and he's just driven us onto somewhere more expensive, which makes me feel that places or things I like aren't good enough.

I've tried talking to him about it, but we've only been on a few dates and much as he's tried to tell me he's 'just a normal guy' I'm having a lot of trouble understanding why he'd want to date someone so 'lowly'.

I'm too ashamed to invite him to my house and I'm getting myself totally stressed out over everything. I know it's only me who's putting pressure on myself, but how do I get over this?!

Why are you ashamed and stressed? He likes you for who you are, and presumably you like him, not his money. Are you compatible, do you have things in common, do you enjoy doing things together, how do you feel in his presence, stuff like that...

Focus on who he is as a person, not his social standing or his bank account. His money does not bring him more happiness or makes him better or more interesting as a person, it just gives him access to a world that many of us cannot reach, and it makes his life a bit easier in many ways. If I were you I'd enjoy the experiences that come with those money, learn from it, and ignore on the discrepancy between your incomes. If your relationship will work, it won't be because of his money or the lack of yours.

SavingPennies_2

How do you know he earns that much? You're only going by what he tells you, he could just be trying to impress you.

Kayalana99

I got this from a book once.

Jane goes out with Bob, Bob is handsome funny wealthy and Jane felt like the luckiest woman to be with him.

Jane marries Bill.

Friend asks Jane why did you marry Bill? Jane says when I was with Bob I felt like I was the luckiest woman to have him, with Bill he makes ME feel like he's the luckiest man in the world.

I hope that makes sense because I can't remember exactly how it was worded!!