Intimidated by new partner's wealth/expectations

BigAunty

He doesn't understand your feelings or your body.

I wouldn't feel intimidated by someone who is wealthier - comparisons are corrosive and pointless. There's nothing you can do about his income or lifestyle so you have no choice but to accept it rather than fret about it.

I would feel annoyed that my decisions and suggestions were simply ignored. It's not so much the being taken to a flash restaurant that leaps out but the fact that your thoughts were seen as irrelevant.

Your main worries should focus on what you can control - try to have influence over the decisions being made and communicate clearly that he is not sexually satisfying you. If the selfishness continues, ditch him.

Perhaps he deliberately chooses partners he can dominate or who make him feel superior. A bolder woman would have pushed back on some of the stuff he forces on you.

jetplane

I don't know how old you both are but you said he was a kind, sweet hearted man, so is he showing off? In only a few dates he has told you how much he earns, what property he owns, how well travelled he is, took you to restaurants that you can not afford and been dominant in bed. Is this how he thinks he will impress you?

It takes time to get to know someone, their likes and dislikes. Ultimately he needs to care about your opinions and feelings. If not and his personality already has you doubting yourself then imagine how it will be in the future?

As for the bedroom is he uncaring, unaware or just rubbish

persa

poorlittlefish wrote: »

For a couple of our dates I've suggested what, to me, are 'normal' places to go for a meal, but what's happened is that I've met him there and he's just driven us onto somewhere more expensive, which makes me feel that places or things I like aren't good enough.

Has he then paid, or expected you to split the costs?

You should both be willing to split the bill/take in turns paying for things you can both afford. If one of you wants to go somewhere far more expensive, it's that person's responsibility to make up the uplift. If he has made up the uplift, then maybe he just wants to share somewhere he thinks is better/he likes more with you, and it's just not come across very well.

If he hasn't picked up the uplift, then at best he's thoughtless. A conversation needs to be had. Either he goes somewhere you both like and can both afford, or you go somewhere he likes, and he's willing to pay. He earns more than you - you can't match his lifestyle without a subsidy. He has to either enjoy your lifestyle, or put his money where his mouth is. If he's willing to do that, you need to accept that graciously, unless of course these places he's suggesting are really not your thing and are making you uncomfortable.

poorlittlefish wrote: »

Also, in the bedroom department he's quite demanding/dominant and although I don't mind that too much, he is under the impression I should be able to orgasm through sex with vaginal stimulation alone. This just puts additional pressure on me and makes me feel inadequate for not being able to get there 'hands free'.

It is possible that previous girlfriend(s) have lied to him, leaving him with unrealistic expectations/understanding of his performance in the bedroom. You shouldn't judge him for his impression of what he thinks should happen, but you should be concerned if he doesn't then adjust his expectations following a frank conversation led by you. Yes, it's embarrassing and awkward, but if you don't feel able to talk about sex, you shouldn't be having sex.

He may be demanding and dominant - but knowing what wants doesn't mean he has any idea how a woman's body works. He sounds fairly clueless - why be intimated of that?

It sounds to me like the issues you're having with this guy may be all on your part, all in your head. After speaking to him, it may turn out that you were right, and you should be worried - but equally, it may not. Have a proper chat with him, and then see how you feel after that.

catoutthebag

How come you're sleeping together so soon?

Valli

gt568 wrote: »

Hang on, hang on, hang on......

Since when can women orgasm?:eek:

When they're with a partner who knows which buttons to press.
When they're on their own pressing their own buttons.

In summary, when they're not with you, apparently!

Valli

Dilemma answered in post # 2

If you're having doubts this early the this is probably.not the person for you

FBaby

but we've only been on a few dates

I'm sorry but that's all I've picked up from your first post. You seem to have very high expectations of him understanding your feelings and needs after only a few dates.

Seems your issue is that you are expecting too much too soon. You suggest places and he takes you elsewhere? How about that is because he wants to treat you and he thinks that maybe you will appreciate going somewhere new that you've never been to but he doesn't want to make a big fuss of it?

Not meeting your needs in the bedroom? How many times have you been in bed? Surely you have to appreciate that it can take a bit of time before you can get to the point of perfect sexual intimacy?

How about just taking things as they come and try to get to know each other. It doesn't matter where you end up with your dates, what matters is being able to communicate to get to know each other better. Be yourself and if he likes you as you are, when what do you have to feel inadequate about? He wouldn't be the first rich man to fall in love with a woman who isn't. As for you, focus on him as a person, not what his money is/has allowed him to do.

VfM4meplse

OP, why are you having sex with this chap? :eek:


How is it you can invite him into your body but not your home?

BrassicWoman

VfM4meplse wrote: »

OP, why are you having sex with this chap? :eek:
How is it you can invite him into your body but not your home?

Because she wants to and is an adult? Back to 1820 with you....

Goldiegirl

How did you meet him?

If you met in real life, you must have been in the same place at the same time, so what activity were you doing when you met ? That would be your common ground

I suppose it's different if you met on the Internet, but who replied to whose advert. Did you contact him? What was it that drew you to his advert? Or if he contacted you, what do you think drew him to your advert?

I'm just asking, as you don't just start going on dates - there has to be some sort of initial contact. I'm just trying to establish what was the initial spark- that would seem to be the thing to build on - what made you think you might like to get to know him better?