Intimidated by new partner's wealth/expectations

poorlittlefish

I've met a kind, sweet-hearted man who seems very keen on me but I find myself feeling intimidated and inadequate, to the extent that I'm feeling uncomfortable and down.

We both work full-time but he earns a ridiculously large amount of money (24 x my salary) and because of his wealth he's been everywhere, done everything and buys the very best, which I simply cannot afford to do. I feel like I've had such a dull, mundane existence. For a couple of our dates I've suggested what, to me, are 'normal' places to go for a meal, but what's happened is that I've met him there and he's just driven us onto somewhere more expensive, which makes me feel that places or things I like aren't good enough.

I've tried talking to him about it, but we've only been on a few dates and much as he's tried to tell me he's 'just a normal guy' I'm having a lot of trouble understanding why he'd want to date someone so 'lowly'.

Also, in the bedroom department he's quite demanding/dominant and although I don't mind that too much, he is under the impression I should be able to orgasm through sex with vaginal stimulation alone. This just puts additional pressure on me and makes me feel inadequate for not being able to get there 'hands free'.

I'm too ashamed to invite him to my house and I'm getting myself totally stressed out over everything. I know it's only me who's putting pressure on myself, but how do I get over this?!

Mojisola

Why are you spending time with someone who is so insensitive towards you and your feelings?

BogsDollox

You just sound like a mismatch emotionally, forget the wealth, he seems very insensitive.

poorlittlefish

I wouldn't say he is insensitive; he can't help having lots of money and having been able to travel to exotic places etc. It's more me feeling rubbish because I've never been in that position and don't see what I have to offer.

Mojisola

poorlittlefish wrote: »

For a couple of our dates I've suggested what, to me, are 'normal' places to go for a meal, but what's happened is that I've met him there and he's just driven us onto somewhere more expensive, which makes me feel that places or things I like aren't good enough.

Also, in the bedroom department he's quite demanding/dominant and although I don't mind that too much, he is under the impression I should be able to orgasm through sex with vaginal stimulation alone. This just puts additional pressure on me and makes me feel inadequate for not being able to get there 'hands free'.

He is insensitive.

It's not you - it's him that the problem!

poorlittlefish

Hmmm, I see what you mean...

melanzana

Give it a bit of time.

Suggest "your thing" for a date, then "his thing" for the next one.

Do you feel he is dominating you with his lifestyle and intimately? If you feel that all the time, well, time to say goodbye.

Compatibility in the bedroom department can be tricky, but ladies can guide.

It comes across to me that you don't have much confidence in yourself or your own lifestyle. Who cares about that, only you it seems, so you must get over that if you are to move on.

Invite him to your house. Then you will see how he reacts. If you don't you will always beat yourself up. Do it soon and then decide on the facts, not your perception of things.

BogsDollox

If he wasn't insensitive, why wouldn't he agree to doing things that you enjoy doing, or places you enjoy going? it does sound as if he feels they're beneath him.

melanzana

BogsDollox wrote: »

If he wasn't insensitive, why wouldn't he agree to doing things that you enjoy doing, or places you enjoy going? it does sound as if he feels they're beneath him.

Sometimes men like to be the dominant one in a partnership with women.

He could be penniless for all OP and we know and living the dream on a credit card. Who knows?

But if OP does not feel comfortable in herself, and has given a few tries to make it work.... it probably won't.

But it's early days. And that is the problem. Instant gratification and compatibility is not achieved like that.

That is why "courting" is so important. Time to get to know and feel what is going on. It cannot be decided on the basis of one or two dates really. Expectations from both sides may be different.

Mrshaworth2b

You cant help that he has had more money than you and enjoyed things that you haven't. I get why you feel inadequate, is there something that you enjoy like a hobby that he can come and enjoy you can feel more on par for a date?

In regards to bedroom antics, maybe he is dominant because that is all he knows from business? Maybe his previous partners have allowed him to be like this and not questioned or guided him? Only you can inform him of how you like it. Maybe it will open his eye's or maybe he will be arrogant to think this is not normal (it's more than normal however) you will then find out if you two have a future past these issues

GobbledyGook

You've not been together long and he's already got you doubting yourself because he disagrees with what you need to orgasm... What would you say if your friend told you that about her new partner?

Not only does he not realise that many, many women don't/can't orgasm 'hands free' but he doesn't care that you can't and instead of just putting his hands to work he's making you feel bad.

That's selfish and rude, and imo in the early days of a relationship where everyone is minding their p's and q's and trying to impress that's not a good sign.