Intimidated by new partner's wealth/expectations

Mrshaworth2b

Why is it anyone's concern why she has slept with the man?

duchy

It isn't -it's just some people don't want to help but just judge

Forget the money for a moment OP
If you were dating someone on a similar income to you who disregarded your choice where to spend a date and insisted on going to their choice of venue instead - how would you react ?

In the bedroom - if the money wasn't intimidating you - would you be telling him he wasn't satisfying you or pointing him in the right direction ?

Money doesn't matter- over a lifetime some people are sometimes wealthy and sometimes not - it's transient. Look at the person - the money is mere detail.

poorlittlefish

We met online, he contacted me and I liked that he was very polite. We slept together after a few dates which, as the average in the UK is supposedly after 3-5 dates, is not particularly unusual - not that I need to defend myself, of course.

I don't think he necessarily overrides what I want deliberately but he admitted he always needs to be in control when he has his 'work head' on and that he needs to learn to be less selfish. I don't want to hurt him but I will talk to him today and let him know that he needs to consider my wishes alongside his own. 'Domineering' is how one poster put it and I think that's the right word.

catoutthebag

Allow me to wade in.

I have been in a slightly similar situation to OP with 2 previous ex girlfriend. .

Though I earned MORE than both, I was put off by the wealth of their respective families. I won't go into too much detail, buy one family member was reasonably comfortable off til they had an accident and was given a large payout. And the other ex had parents that had a lot of money through business.

I would consider neither were spoilt. None got hand outs I think. But it was the insecurity on my behalf.

However, on both occasions I worked through this myself. ...saying it was my issue and not theirs and that people who were successful should be congratulated.

I don't think it would affect me anymore.

As long as you like him and he's not showing off or rubbing it in, then talk to him and accept it. Without communication, a potential relationship will never work. If you can't accept it'd your issue or accept his wealth or talk to him, then leave him and work on yourself before your ready to date.

burnoutbabe

he's not very polite if you organise something and he disregards it and takes you somewhere else. That's you saying "this is what i like to do" and him saying "i don't care what you like, i want to do what I like"

I just can't understand why you didn't say anything when he just collected you and drive you somewhere else? How did that conversation go? Why did you even get in his car at that point?

poorlittlefish

Ah, it was just like "I know a lovely place not far from here that does really great food, do you fancy going there?" and me saying, "Oh, OK then". I need to stand up for myself more, for sure.

neneromanova

Let say for arguments sake that you earn £15k. That would mean he earns over £350k. You don't earn that amount of money a year without being a domineering person, especially in business, and he's already said when he has his work head on he's like that, so why not play him at his own game? Become more domineering yourself and say no, this is what we're doing. Sometimes a man likes this sort of thing in a woman. If he just wants you to say yes sir no sir, and you don't lke that, then move on and find someone else.

BUt give it a few more dates, do the picnic Idea where you don't have to spend any money at all and see how he copes with that. He could just be used to the lifestyle he currently has.

catoutthebag

I think you need to work on

Assertiveness
Insecurity
Self confidence/lack of self worth

catoutthebag

But as others have said, it's not the best start to a potential relationship and may not end well...these first few dates are supposed to be fun....butterflies rather than fraught with anxiety.

lostinrates

Mrshaworth2b wrote: »

Why is it anyone's concern why she has slept with the man?

The sex is a non issue for me, but that she can be intimate with her body yet not her emotion with her feelings or invite him to her home and wants to consider him a 'partner' is. I'm all for happy consensual sex between adults.