I WILL get there!!

JoJoC

Yes, it's such a conflict trying to make sure you make the right decision. After my first I went back 4 days and it was definitely the right balance for us! We had my son at a childminder 3 days per week and my sister looked after him one day - it just worked well. By the time I had #2 my sister's job had changed and we had no family support (plus, it's different asking family to look after 2...).

By the time we weighed up nursery costs for 2, I just had to go back full time to make it worth our whiles. It was either that or not go back at all, and I just couldn't do that at that point in my career, else I'd be starting back at square one a few years down the line.

Don't get my wrong, it has worked out really well for all of us, although it was a hairy 20 months while we had two in full time nursery (£28k spent on nursery in 20 months). Now my eldest is at school, our bill has come down from £1400p/m to £920p/m and this August will come down again to around £760p/m with my youngest son's funding. It's crazy figures when you look at it but I think when you're living it, it just becomes another bill to be paid! And it's only for a short amount of time - in 2.5 years, we'll just be paying for a few days per week at an after school club for the two kids and that's nothing compared to what we were paying in 2016/17!

Try not to stress, I realise the numbers that I'm hitting you with above might look scary but so many people live with childcare costs this high and my advice is just to be on the ball and try to keep on top of how it'll affect the rest of your budget as much as possible.

enthusiasticsaver

My DD has planned her second DD to need childcare for when her eldest DD gets the 30 free hours which is the term after the third birthday. We look after our granddaughter now 1 day a week and the other grandparents do one day. She goes to nursery the other three days although only from 9am to 3pm as my DD does 5 part days from 9.30 to 2.30 luckily locally and chose that rather than full days thinking a shorter day in nursery would be better for D.C. and she will need no wrap around care when they start school. We have agreed to take both together on one day rather than have the two granddaughters on different days.

It impacts on salary though going part time and childcare costs and as my DD is just about to go on maternity leave in 4 weeks all luxuries have gone. They are trying to budget for a gym membership for my son in law who is recovering from a serious illness before Christmas. Anything that is not urgent though my DD says is off the table until next February when she returns to work. They managed ok on the 1st maternity leave but things will be tighter this time. Kids are expensive.

You have no debt though and are used to budgeting so will be fine. It is difficult not to worry though unless you have a large savings buffer. Good your mum can do a day and you can drop one. Working full time with a baby is hard work.

enthusiasticsaver

JoJoC wrote: »

Yes, it's such a conflict trying to make sure you make the right decision. After my first I went back 4 days and it was definitely the right balance for us! We had my son at a childminder 3 days per week and my sister looked after him one day - it just worked well. By the time I had #2 my sister's job had changed and we had no family support (plus, it's different asking family to look after 2...).

By the time we weighed up nursery costs for 2, I just had to go back full time to make it worth our whiles. It was either that or not go back at all, and I just couldn't do that at that point in my career, else I'd be starting back at square one a few years down the line.

Don't get my wrong, it has worked out really well for all of us, although it was a hairy 20 months while we had two in full time nursery (£28k spent on nursery in 20 months). Now my eldest is at school, our bill has come down from £1400p/m to £920p/m and this August will come down again to around £760p/m with my youngest son's funding. It's crazy figures when you look at it but I think when you're living it, it just becomes another bill to be paid! And it's only for a short amount of time - in 2.5 years, we'll just be paying for a few days per week at an after school club for the two kids and that's nothing compared to what we were paying in 2016/17!

Try not to stress, I realise the numbers that I'm hitting you with above might look scary but so many people live with childcare costs this high and my advice is just to be on the ball and try to keep on top of how it'll affect the rest of your budget as much as possible.

Those figures are scary and glad they are reducing now. When I returned part time to work many years ago two thirds of my salary was going on childcare for my 2 DDs who were just 18 months apart
It got so much better when they started school though. Also returning to work within a year or a few years keeps you in the job market. Having a long career break often means it is then hard to find work or you have to retrain. I could never have been a SAHM for very long but have great respect for those who choose that path.

JoJoC

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

Those figures are scary and glad they are reducing now. When I returned part time to work many years ago two thirds of my salary was going on childcare for my 2 DDs who were just 18 months apart
It got so much better when they started school though. Also returning to work within a year or a few years keeps you in the job market. Having a long career break often means it is then hard to find work or you have to retrain. I could never have been a SAHM for very long but have great respect for those who choose that path.

I agree wholeheartedly. I couldn't be a good SAHM for very long so I know I made the right decision for us all. When I returned to work after mat leave #2, I was very quickly promoted and my salary rose by almost £10k in the space of a year (also changed companies as well as promotion) so if I had have taken a career break, I'd have been right back where I started earning much less and having to put in all the work again to achieve promotion.

I suppose it's all a question of timing, but all we can ask is that we have the ability to do what we think is best of our families.

enthusiasticsaver

JoJoC wrote: »

I agree wholeheartedly. I couldn't be a good SAHM for very long so I know I made the right decision for us all. When I returned to work after mat leave #2, I was very quickly promoted and my salary rose by almost £10k in the space of a year (also changed companies as well as promotion) so if I had have taken a career break, I'd have been right back where I started earning much less and having to put in all the work again to achieve promotion.

I suppose it's all a question of timing, but all we can ask is that we have the ability to do what we think is best of our families.

Definitely. It is always a trade off and it depends on your DHs career. Personally I would have struggled with full time work although career wise it would have been better for me. My DH did long erratic hours and travelled a lot so all childcare and illness etc was on me. Working part time gave me the best of both worlds and I returned full time when my DDs were older.

PositiveBalance

kirtsypoos wrote: »

Childcare is definitely my biggest worry for the future at the moment. Luckily my Mom will be doing one day of childcare for us, which will reduce the bill by about £200 a month and I am hoping to do 4 days a week but there is obviously a financial implication of me not working full time and I earn more per day than nursery costs, but I've weighed it up and we are still able to cover our costs with me doing 4 days a week and I feel that extra day would be better spent with the baby at the moment.... I'm sure I won't regret it but it's a scary decision to make! xx

I'm sure you will make the best decision for you all at the time, Kirsty but remember the mantra of all working mothers: 'I come to work for a break'! :rotfl:

kirtsypoos

The figures for childcare are so scary! :eek: I'm pleased that you've managed Jojo, it makes me feel like we can make it work if others can.

I'm a little bit guiltily relieved to hear you both say you couldn't have been SAHM too, my Nan keeps telling me that I should be at home with the baby and while it is everything I've ever wanted, I do enjoy my job and have put a lot of time and effort in to getting to where I am and I feel like that is tied into my identity, which I don't want to lose. People who make that choice have my full respect, I just don't think it's for me.

Ideally I would be able to do 3 days a week and would feel like I had a more workable ratio of time with the baby BUT it's not financially viable and I can't beat myself up about that. If OH gets a better paid job or a payrise we might be able to look at it but I don't think that is his idea of a good plan :rotfl: he would much prefer extra persona spends but hopefully when the baby is a reality he will think differently.

I'm still putting off packing my hospital bag, I really need to sort that out as OH is getting quite frustrated with me. I don't know why I haven't done it! I have everything I need but for some reason I feel very anxious about actually being ready for labour, which is ridiculous! Growth scan next week and then we will start discussing possible induction dates so I really need to pull my finger out.

3 days left at work, not that I'm counting...

enthusiasticsaver

Your Nan lived in different times so don't let her views make you feel guilty. Rarely did women work after marriage and children. Do we really want to go back to the fifties where women were seen as second class citizens and men were the earners?

Returning to work either full time or part time depending on circumstances makes it easier to keep a foothold in the job market and undoubtedly makes you more financially secure unless your DH is on a huge wage which yours isn't, neither was mine. Kids benefit from socialisation skills in nursery. Your mum will have a dedicated day to spend with donut as we do with our grandchild. He will be fine, you will be more financially secure and when your child or children are older you will have a career waiting for you either in your existing job or elsewhere. SAHM struggle to find work usually when their kids are older due to taking that career break. Kids are happiest with a happy mum though so it is a personal choice. Personally after a few days with small children I need some adult company and the need to focus on something other than playing and looking after little people. Each to their own though.

enthusiasticsaver

Also don't forget you will be at home for most of his first year unless you are not taking full maternity leave. He will be a toddler exploring the world around him by the time you go back. 3 days would be best but you have to weigh it up. Doing 4 days is common and you will still have three days with baby and mornings and evenings. Doing full days will be tough though. I preferred doing the part days 9.30 to 2.30 and my DD has opted for the same but you really need to work fairly locally for that and I am not sure how the childcare costs stack up in your area.

Do that bag ASAP. Both I and my DD ended up having our babies at 36 or 37 weeks. In my case due to high bp and my DD had preeclampsia. That due date is creeping up so getting organised is crucial.

kirtsypoos

My mom has been telling me that I need to ignore Nan - we are very similar in some ways but worlds apart in others, as happens with generation gaps. I shouldn't need validation but I am a glutton for positive reinforcement

I may have to look at 5 days doing school time hours rather than 4 days doing long hours in order to make it work when donut goes to school - I hadn't even thought of wraparound care :eek:

Ah well, I've got 9/10 months before I need to put my part time request into work, and Director has already said he will accommodate as best he can.

Bag packing is on this afternoons list - you have convinced me! That and talking about signs of early labour at hypnoborthing last night convinced me the backache I had in the middle of the night was a sign of impending happenings - it wasn't

I did far too much yesterday and really paid for it during the night - 5 hours at work, into town to meet friends for soup and a toastie for lunch then a wander round the department store, got home and sat on the sofa at which point my mom arrived and we had to leave for hypnobirthing class, then needed to go to Morrisons on the way home and didn't get back until after 9.30 :eek: I was exhausted and very snappy with OH when he got home from kung fu. Felt bad this morning so I've used some of my personal spends to buy some of his favourite ice cream (on offer, obviously :money:) to make it up to him - he has been very good the last few days, rubbing my back and my cramping calves whenever I need him to.

This afternoon I am going to prep to make fajitas for dinner, pack my bag and then have a bath and a nap. Tomorrow I will be washing, drying and ironing the next size of clothes ready to vacuum pack for under the cot and make the moses basket up ready then cover it with a dust cover. Maybe I need to start doing to do lists as I am really struggling with motivation! When will this nesting start?!