Do i want a divorce?

LannieDuck

So why does he think it's ok to leave you with all the housework and childcare?

Does he feel he does his share? Does he have traditional views about 'women's roles'? Does he think his extra 1/2 day of work each week means he doesn't have to do anything? Are there jobs he does that he thinks cancels out everything else (e.g. is he responsible for the household IT networks)?

fairy_lights

becky09 wrote: »

I've told him something needs to change and he needs to start talking to me properly, we'll see if anything changes.
(Its already not going well as I left the house this morning after "O mummy will have a moan at me later about that" when I hadn't even said anything!)

He really needs to knock that kind of talk on the head, it's not fair for him to continually undermine you in front of your child like that.

becky09

LannieDuck wrote: »

So why does he think it's ok to leave you with all the housework and childcare?

Does he feel he does his share? Does he have traditional views about 'women's roles'? Does he think his extra 1/2 day of work each week means he doesn't have to do anything? Are there jobs he does that he thinks cancels out everything else (e.g. is he responsible for the household IT networks)?

I actually don't know, any time I bring it up he doesn't say "I do my fair share, or I do this and that", he just tells me he'll do something later or to get off his back.
I can honestly say the only thing he does is sometimes load the washing machine (Doesn't empty it, put the clothes out or away) I deal with everything else, control all of the money, pay all of the bills etc.


x

becky09

fairy_lights wrote: »

He really needs to know that kind of talk on the head, it's not fair for him to continually undermine you in front of your child like that.

This is what I said to him (Nicely) as I left the house.
I get this a number of times a day.
x

LannieDuck

becky09 wrote: »

I actually don't know, any time I bring it up he doesn't say "I do my fair share, or I do this and that", he just tells me he'll do something later or to get off his back.
I can honestly say the only thing he does is sometimes load the washing machine (Doesn't empty it, put the clothes out or away) I deal with everything else, control all of the money, pay all of the bills etc.


x

You need to start standing up for yourself a bit. Write a list of chores and tell him that you each need to take half. Ask which he'd like to do.

Ultimately he either sees you as an equal or as an unpaid skivvy. One of those relationships has a future...

quidsy

Your son will grow up treating women in the same way unless you put a stop to this one way or another.

hazyjo

After reading some more of this, he actually doesn't sound like a very nice man. We're all trying to find reasons, excuses, trying to make your marriage work for you - but I think you'd decided when you started this post. I don't often say it, but he's not a man I'd like to be with and I think maybe you'd be better off without him.


If he did start doing things around the house and complimenting you and not undermining you, would you want to be with him? I'm guessing not. I think the damage has been done - and I really doubt he'll change. If you threatened to leave and he fell to his knees saying he never realised it was that bad and that he loved you, etc, that may be different. But he seems completely indifferent to the whole thing.


Let us know what you decide.


The grass definitely isn't greener, but then a divorce really isn't the end of the world. It is to the divorcee at that time, but then you get it into perspective and realise it happens to a lot of couples and people get through it every day. I'm twice divorced. I'm still standing... nobody stoned me to death, nor did they blame me. S**t happens. None of us is perfect.


Good luck.


Jx