Do i want a divorce?

becky09

Kaye1 wrote: »

Why would you shout at a 2 year old who has hurt themselves?


That bothers me.

Yep it bothers me as well. I constantly tell him that he can not tell off a child who accidentally hurts himself!

X

easilydistracted

OP I read the title of your post and thought if you have to ask then probably no, you can fix it.

Then I started reading the housework issue and the nagging bit and thought you sounded like my poor put upon boyfriend and that I had a little sympathy with the being nagged bit (In my defence I do work a ridiculous amount, but am also pretty scuzzy by nature).

Then the more I read the more he sounded pretty mean and controlling and that was even before you come onto how he is with your little boy sometimes. At 28 you probably have 50 years left of this marriage if you stay together. Most people wouldn't put up with that for that long. It definitely sounds like you need some relationship counselling or he needs to find some other way to get some respect for you. I guess his response to a proper honest discussion will give you an idea where the future lies. If he's disrespectful in response or fearful of the conversation that tells you a lot

Savvy_Sue

You can go to marriage counselling on your own if he won't come. If he sees you popping off to Relate it might concentrate his mind?

gettingtheresometime

Can I ask what's the set up with his mum and dad?

Does she do everything for him?

Yes I know this is the 21st century etc etc but if he's been brought up i a household where men didn't do housework and children didn't cry then to me its learnt behaviour that needs to be unlearnt.

Kaye1

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

Yes I know this is the 21st century etc etc but if he's been brought up i a household where men didn't do housework and children didn't cry then to me its learnt behaviour that needs to be unlearnt.

Good point.

LannieDuck

What reason does he give for leaving you with all the housework and childcare?

duchy

Guest101 wrote: »

OP - whether there's another man involved or not isn't really the point.

Your husband thinks there is. Which is clearly an issue, whether due to lack of intimacy between you both or due to the friction you've suffered over the years, or a combination of a hundred smaller reasons.

.

Are you reading the same post that I am?

The Op's husband doesn't seriously think she has anyone else- He's just using that as a stick to beat her with.

Savvy_Sue

I'm just wondering if it's worth the OP writing a letter to her DH?

ladyfromthe_north

Been there got the tee shirt. Mine got more controlling in subtle ways. Tried to make it good for decades. Learnt how not to push his buttons, got on did it all, money, bills childcare taxi service etc. Finally stood up to him after some nasty accusations. Upshot of it was a nasty month cumulating in physical violence . That got me onto a domestic violence workshop,support group. That opened my eyes up. Get in touch with them, mind games hurt as much as physical. They can support you to sort out what you want. Its not all about leaving your partner. It can be about building you up to be equals in the relationship. Don't wait until the child is too affected like I did. It can be rectified if you BOTH want it.

becky09

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I'm just wondering if it's worth the OP writing a letter to her DH?

This is exactly the route I've gone down. He wouldn't listen any other way, even when I said we needed to have a conversation, so I wrote it all down.


I guess the problem with this is he still has to talk to be to respond to what I've said, which just didn't/hasn't happened.


He said that he does love and respect me, and doesn't want us to split up, and that he says things out of frustration.
(When I went away he was stressed about having to look after the dog and his child, which apparently isn't possible?!)
He's going away for a weekend in August, I'm sure ill cope!


I've told him something needs to change and he needs to start talking to me properly, we'll see if anything changes.
(Its already not going well as I left the house this morning after "O mummy will have a moan at me later about that" when I hadn't even said anything!)


ladyfromthe north, I do exactly that, I know what annoys him, so I avoid it. I strategically plan when I'm going to tell him something I know he wont be happy with to avoid the drama.


Yes I think his mum probably did do a lot for him before we moved in together. He used to share a room with his brother, so I'm not sure how much either of them did.
His parents house is not tidy though. I'm by no means a clean freak, but the mess/clutter there is pretty bad.


Thanks for everyone's comments, they've given me a lot to think about. x