Do i want a divorce?

becky09

avogadro wrote: »

If you could wave a magic wand, what would you wish for?

If I could wave a magic wand, id like to be able to have a sit down and tell him how I'm feeling without him blowing it off and walking out, and I'd like him to be able to talk to me.
Everything he does leads me to believe he's not happy either, but I don't know how I can solve this without him talking to me, when I ask he says he is happy.


Like people have mentioned I'm sure he does see it as me nagging at him, I have spoken to him about his lack of help in the past, and I suppose me continuing to let him get away with it hasn't helped matters.


I don't expect him to suddenly start doing everything around the house, nore would I want this. But I would like a little support sometimes, and to be talked to like a person and not something he's dragged in on his shoe.
The living in a pig sty comment really did hurt (I did ask him if he was having a F***ing laugh, and then went to my mums for a hour)


His parents don't have a close relationship, I'm pretty sure they have only stayed together because of the kids and the hassle of leaving a simple well off life. (Sleep in different rooms etc) so I guess this is how he's seen a relationship work.


He does of course have good qualities, I wouldn't have married him if this wasn't the case.
Its just the bad are grossly out numbering the good at the moment. x

jetplane

Nagging - the interaction in which one person repeatedly makes a request, the other person repeatedly ignores it and both become increasingly annoyed.

If the question is answered first time there will be no need to nag so who is to blame the nagger or the nagee?

edit : Just seen your post OP if his upbringing was bereft of emotions if his parents did not communicate then perhaps the 'need to talk' terrifies him. if he has never witnessed his family resolving issues then he may feel he is being talked to which equates to criticism and become defensive. The thought of opening up to a discussion about feelings really does make some people run, has he ever talked about his feelings?

heuchera

I have just googled the definition of nagging, which is


nagging
ˈnaɡɪŋ/
adjective
1. (of a person) constantly harassing someone to do something.
"a nagging wife"
2. persistently painful or worrying.
"a nagging pain"


Harassing is never a positive thing, whoever is doing it.

snow_ball

I'd love to know what the difference between 'looking for assistance and nagging' is. The fact that grown adults have to 'look for assistance' or 'ask for help' from their life partners when they should be sharing the responsibilities of maintaining a home is not acceptable. Especially when the OP says she's tried to raise her dissatisfaction but is told to get off his back (via their child!) or he just stomps off.

jetplane

heuchera wrote: »

I have just googled the definition of nagging, which is


nagging
ˈnaɡɪŋ/
adjective
1. (of a person) constantly harassing someone to do something.
"a nagging wife"
2. persistently painful or worrying.
"a nagging pain"


Harassing is never a positive thing, whoever is doing it.

Unfortunately it is frequently used as a derogatory term when really the person needs a bomb up their backside and could bring out the nagger in any one (IMO)

Guest101

snow_ball wrote: »

I'd love to know what the difference between 'looking for assistance and nagging' is. The fact that grown adults have to 'look for assistance' or 'ask for help' from their life partners when they should be sharing the responsibilities of maintaining a home is not acceptable. Especially when the OP says she's tried to raise her dissatisfaction but is told to get off his back (via their child!) or he just stomps off.

The expectations that two unrelated people who have had different upbringing will have the exact same ethos to life is not acceptable.

It's called compromise and communication. - something which clearly isnt happening, and im not saying thats the OPs fault. Im just saying it isnt happening.

becky09

jetplane wrote: »

edit : Just seen your post OP if his upbringing was bereft of emotions if his parents did not communicate then perhaps the 'need to talk' terrifies him. if he has never witnessed his family resolving issues then he may feel he is being talked to which equates to criticism and become defensive. The thought of opening up to a discussion about feelings really does make some people run, has he ever talked about his feelings?

We have never talked about how he's feeling from what I can recall. If I think something is bothering him I ask whats up, but he usual just says nothing, or that he's tired etc and that's the end of the conversation.


He doesn't show emotion, other than shouting and getting mad. Its strange because to the outside world he talks for England, waffles on about anything, will talk to a complete stranger and knows someone everywhere we go. But he wont talk to me, without getting mad and walking out.
He's never been one for romance, and that is fine, I've accepted he wont buy me flowers or make loving gestures, but a bit of respect would be nice.


Thanks heuchera, ill have a read


x

snow_ball

Guest101 wrote: »

The expectations that two unrelated people who have had different upbringing will have the exact same ethos to life is not acceptable.

It's called compromise and communication. - something which clearly isnt happening, and im not saying thats the OPs fault. Im just saying it isnt happening.

Or maybe it's just as simple as, he can't be bothered. I hope for the OPs sake that they can find a way to compromise and communicate though.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Accusing you of going off wanting other men is the deal dealer for me. That and shouting.

But that's just me.

Kaye1

becky09 wrote: »

In a way yes, he does shout if our son hurts himself, or falls over, and tells him not to cry.
Our little boy is a tough cookie and doesn't cry often to be honest x

Why would you shout at a 2 year old who has hurt themselves?


That bothers me.