sharing houses and selfish people

falancan

melancholly wrote: »

first of all, i apologise for the rant, but i am so mad right now!! :mad::mad::mad:

i'm sharing a rented house with 4 other people and it's on 3 floors. we have two boilers, one which does the ground and first floor, the other one doing the top floor.

it's august, it's quite warm (it's certainly not cold anyway!) - just went up to get bath mats to wash and found that the upstairs boiler is set for the central heating to be on for 6 hours a day!! :eek::eek::eek: we turned all the central heating off in april.

there's only one person living on that floor at the moment, and they only stay 3 nights a week or so - so they have single handedly decided to raise the gas bill a huge amount, by effectively heating only their room when they're out most of the time! we've always checked with the whole house before increasing or decreasing the time the heating is on for, as we only have one meter so have to split the bill. we also never have it on 6 hours a day anyway - as we can't afford to heat all 3 floors that long, so it's just so selfish!! ARGH!

i've checked the meter and this must have been a recent change as the damage isn't huge - used the same number of units in 2 months as we did in 3 months last year. i'm so glad i noticed, as if this went on continuously for the next month or so, it'd cost a fortune. it's the principle anyway..... going to have to calm down and tread carefully later, suggesting that we don't just put on heating whenever any one person (who incidentally, never wears jumpers :mad:) feels cold.

i'm scraping every penny i have to try and save up a deposit for a house so i don't have to rent and share........ why are some people so inconsiderate

/rant

I used to live with some selfish people too and they were so annoying. There was a woman view the room and we told her the room is allowed for one person and eventually she brought her bf in and using 2 parking space.Constantly, complain about we made noise from upstair by accidentally dropping something on the floor.(Accident,we cant help it) The most annoying thing is they using the kitchen 2 hours a day (7pm-9pm) there were 6 people living in the house. By dominate the kitchen, they always kissing (the way u can hear them) in the dinning room.......Now, living in apartment myself, I m free!!:rotfl:

wherediditallgo

I moved into one place many years ago where there were about 10 other people living there (huge house - 7 bedrooms), & only after handing over my deposit cheque & the first month's rent & moving in did I find out that the lease was due to expire in 5 days! Thankfully, I didn't panic - I got on to the agents, & they agreed that as I'd been misled into moving in, I would get my deposit back provided I moved out by the end of the month I'd just paid for & didn't cause any damage. I left the day before my rent payment expired & that was the first my housemates knew I was going - I didn't feel obliged to tell them I was moving out, as they'd left me in a position where I could have been homeless. That incident made me realise that not all housemates will play fair - if you're going to meet the bills, they'll let you & add to them whenever possible. I lived in other places after that where people did play fair, but I never forgot that experience - I've also had the girl whose boyfriend managed to spend most of the week there, increasing our bills & eating our food. :mad:

You could try increasing her share & hoping she won't ask to see the bill, but don't be surprised if she tries to do a moonlight flit to get out of paying the bills completely - that happened to two of my friends, & as she'll realise the heating's been turned off & might not be too happy about it, I suggest that you try to ensure someone's in when she is as much as possible to lessen the chances of her moving out early without paying her share. Also, meet with your other housemates to draw up a set of house rules that you can all agree on - I know you have house meetings for people moving in, but make sure that all decisions are group ones, so that you're not left carrying the can when someone wants to apportion blame for an unpopular decision.

fimonkey

Oh for goodness sake, am I the only person who's going to disagree with you here?

How much EXACTLY is the difference in costs this year compared to last year? I bet it's not all that much (though do correct me if I'm wrong). If she's only there for 3 days a week, is she entitled to divide the electricity bill by this amount and insist you and your flatmate pay for the extra 4 days a week you're there and she isn't?

The WORST house shares I've been in are the ones whereby ppl have been so fussy about every last penny that's owed, these are generally the same ppl who'll throw a fit if you borrow a splash of milk for your tea when you've run out.

The BEST house shares are when ppl give and take, and communicate with each other. So you've found out that the boiler has been switched on, well shock horror, so has mine! I feel the cold easily, I don't want to sit in my own house wearing jumpers, hats, scarves and looking like the michelin man... How about having a word with her and asking her to consider whether she really does need the heating on, BUT it's not for you to dictate whether she has to wear a jumper instead (unless you own the house of course, in which case if you're so fussy ask her to leave and advertise for another analy retentive housemate).

melancholly

fimonkey wrote: »

Oh for goodness sake, am I the only person who's going to disagree with you here?

How much EXACTLY is the difference in costs this year compared to last year? I bet it's not all that much (though do correct me if I'm wrong). If she's only there for 3 days a week, is she entitled to divide the electricity bill by this amount and insist you and your flatmate pay for the extra 4 days a week you're there and she isn't?

The WORST house shares I've been in are the ones whereby ppl have been so fussy about every last penny that's owed, these are generally the same ppl who'll throw a fit if you borrow a splash of milk for your tea when you've run out.

The BEST house shares are when ppl give and take, and communicate with each other. So you've found out that the boiler has been switched on, well shock horror, so has mine! I feel the cold easily, I don't want to sit in my own house wearing jumpers, hats, scarves and looking like the michelin man... How about having a word with her and asking her to consider whether she really does need the heating on, BUT it's not for you to dictate whether she has to wear a jumper instead (unless you own the house of course, in which case if you're so fussy ask her to leave and advertise for another analy retentive housemate).

the difference in costs is that we have used in under months more than we used in 3 months - but that really isn't the point (and if it hadn't been noticed it would have been a lot more). if someone is that cold that they want the heating on, then they should indeed communicate that to the rest of the house and then we'll heat the whole house as we all have to pay the bill. also, if someone is out a lot, then putting it on the timer to be on every day is, in my opinion selfish - and very different to sticking the heating on for an hour when they're freezing!

as far as splitting electricty goes, we split it equally regardless. i am away for about a week of every month and other people are here 'all the time' but work for 12 hours a day so are rarely in the house so use any electricity. we have all talked about this and agreed. when someone was away for a month in winter, they turned the radiator off in their bedroom and they didn't pay the gas bill for that month.

i'm not being especailly anally retentive - i'm just being fair! i've been working from home this week and i put woolly socks on and a jumper to keep warm, as i think it would have been very unfair to put the heating on to heat 2 floors of the house for the benefit of me in one room!

you're right, it's not up to me to dictate if she has to wear a jumper or not, but as none of the other housemates knew the heating had been put on either, it's not up to her to dictate that we need to share the cost of heating a floor that we don't use!

i really don't like the tone of your post! someone does something without asking anyone and i'm at fault for my communication? i'm very glad i don't live with someone quite so hypersensitive about the cold as you that they are prepared to waste everyone else's money so they can walk around in a t shirt.

Catblue

Melancholly,

Don't worry - I think you are being entirely fair. Your housemate is being selfish and inconsiderate to put heating on for 6 hours per day in the summer, especially when she is only there 3 days a week. Completely wasteful.

Sounds like you have a system in place in which everyone else in the house pays an equitable share.

Point this out to her again when you speak to her - tell here that either she only turns the heating on when she is actually in the house or that she has to pay a much bigger proportion of the bill.

Ensure that she knows that you speak for everyone else who lives in the house.

melancholly

someone is out tonight with her so is going to 'mention' it in conversation so that it doesn't come across as at all confrontational! all well thought out to try and get the best response possible without falling out.... glad i got the rant out of my system on here first though - trying to resolve with creating an atmosphere if at all possible!

vellum

yeah, remember similar problems when i was a student and sharing house with others. the worst one didn't pay his last bill and the days before moving out, he dialled 20 phone calls without writing them down, and expected other tenants in the house to pay his leftover bills, just took as much advantage as possible before leaving, he even dared to steal somebody else's cooking utensils and dvds, he was a first class postgrad student with prestige scholarships, so the best education does not necessary make a better person.

WTF?_2

IHateDida wrote: »

I used to share houses with some right energy wasters too - its not fair and I can't really understand why some people don't consider the other bill payers. One girl used to leave the fan heater on in her bedroom all day whilst she was at work apparently regularly "forgetting" to switch it off. In another house another used to have the heating on in the summer as her parents did whilst she was living at home and she couldn't adjust to the drop in temperature!!!!! (and then she used to walk around the house in a vest top!)

Just keep thinking forward to the day when you will have your own place, it will come...and its worth waiting for!

Many years ago I shared a house with a person who would absolutely never switch lights off in common areas, despite being asked to many times by the rest of us. He also used to run the central heating almost 24x7. The deal at the time was we paid a standard rent which was inclusive of all bills.

After the landlord changed the deal to seperate out rent and bills (because of huge bills), he mysteriously became one of the most diligent energy savers I've ever seen :rolleyes:


I've also shared houses where people absolutely refused to contribute for anything communal (eg. extra coal for the central heating) yet were quite happy to run electric heaters continuously in their own rooms, presumably on the basis that their expense was being split between the other people in the house. :mad:

There are some real w*****s out there, make no mistakes.

wherediditallgo

fimonkey wrote: »

Oh for goodness sake, am I the only person who's going to disagree with you here?

How much EXACTLY is the difference in costs this year compared to last year? I bet it's not all that much (though do correct me if I'm wrong). If she's only there for 3 days a week, is she entitled to divide the electricity bill by this amount and insist you and your flatmate pay for the extra 4 days a week you're there and she isn't?

The WORST house shares I've been in are the ones whereby ppl have been so fussy about every last penny that's owed, these are generally the same ppl who'll throw a fit if you borrow a splash of milk for your tea when you've run out.

The BEST house shares are when ppl give and take, and communicate with each other. So you've found out that the boiler has been switched on, well shock horror, so has mine! I feel the cold easily, I don't want to sit in my own house wearing jumpers, hats, scarves and looking like the michelin man... How about having a word with her and asking her to consider whether she really does need the heating on, BUT it's not for you to dictate whether she has to wear a jumper instead (unless you own the house of course, in which case if you're so fussy ask her to leave and advertise for another analy retentive housemate).

The amount of money involved isn't the whole issue. In a shared household, you share the bills and information relating to them. That means not increasing the cost of things if others are going to have to foot the bill. When I rented a room in a flatshare for just over a year, my landlord (he also lived in the flat) included the cost of gas & electricity in the rent. We were allowed to use the washing machine & the tumble dryer once a week each. His bills were pretty even from quarter to quarter. When one girl moved out, another girl moved in, & despite being told about the washing machine rule decided she was going to use the machine at least twice, sometimes 3 times a week. When the landlord got his next quarterly bill, it was considerably higher. He told her that, if she was going to keep on doing that he'd be reducing the rent but making everyone share the electricity bill. I immediately objected, she didn't - because she knew that under that system I'd be coughing up for part of what she actually owed. The next quarterly bill came & she'd done it again, but he taught her a lesson - he compared that bill to the ones before she moved in and told her that either she paid the difference herself or moved out. She moved, & he took the difference out of her deposit.

There are some people who like house/flatshares because they want the comforts they had when living with parents/family without any/little of the responsibility for paying for them. Part of living away from home means you pay your own way, rather than expect others to cover your expenses. No-one's saying someone should sit there freezing to death, but if you're not in the property you shouldn't leave the heating on that others will end up paying for. If you had your own home & was the only person paying the bills, you wouldn't be away from home on a regular basis & leave heating on like that, because it would hit your pocket & only yours. Yes, some people are very particular (I think the OP is being very fair rather than anally retentive), but the example you gave (using someone else's milk) is related to one of the reasons why so many house/flatshares don't work out - lack of manners. If people had the manners to ask first, these situations would arise far less often. Unfortunately, some people simply don't have the manners to consult you before they take money out of your pocket instead of their own to pay their way.

olly300

fimonkey wrote: »

Oh for goodness sake, am I the only person who's going to disagree with you here?

How much EXACTLY is the difference in costs this year compared to last year? I bet it's not all that much (though do correct me if I'm wrong). If she's only there for 3 days a week, is she entitled to divide the electricity bill by this amount and insist you and your flatmate pay for the extra 4 days a week you're there and she isn't?


No she isn't. She agreed when she moved in to pay her share of the bills as it is a shared responsibility.

I've lived in houseshares where I'vebeen away for long periods of time. I still paid for my share of the bills. In fact on one occassion I knew I would be away while some of the bills came so I left money with a housemate to pay my share. I did actually end up paying less because they worked it out and agreed I should pay less electricity and gas, but that was and is not the point when I moved in I agreed to pay x share of the bills.

The WORST house shares I've been in are the ones whereby ppl have been so fussy about every last penny that's owed, these are generally the same ppl who'll throw a fit if you borrow a splash of milk for your tea when you've run out.

The reason you've ended up with people throwing a hissy fit over a so called splash of milk is that you or other housemates have got into the habit of taking other people's belongings without asking them. This is called "stealing" and strangely people tend to get p!ssed off with people who continually steal their stuff.

There are various ways of getting around the taking food problem without causing arguements and one of the simplest ways is to ask the person who it belongs to. If they are not in then you are just going to have to walk down to the shop and buy your own, or go without.

The BEST house shares are when ppl give and take, and communicate with each other. So you've found out that the boiler has been switched on, well shock horror, so has mine! I feel the cold easily, I don't want to sit in my own house wearing jumpers, hats, scarves and looking like the michelin man... How about having a word with her and asking her to consider whether she really does need the heating on, BUT it's not for you to dictate whether she has to wear a jumper instead (unless you own the house of course, in which case if you're so fussy ask her to leave and advertise for another analy retentive housemate).

The OP is not dictating that the other person should wear a jumper they are merely pointing out that to leave heating on for 4 days of the week in summer when you are not around without informing the other bill payers is selfish. Likewise inviting all your friends around on a evening to have a party and not informing your housemates is selfish and moving your partner in without agreement from your housemates is selfish.

BTW the best houseshares I've lived in are the ones where people respect other people which includes not running up large bills, not taking other people's food without asking, informing everyone if any guests including partners are going to be staying over and making sure your guests respect that it is a shared place. In fact in these houseshares my housemates and I ended up offering and giving each other food and some people's partners actually moved in. And if someone came in with blue hands and wearing two jumpers the heating was put on even if they didn't want it on.

Respecting other people, other people's belongings and taking responsibility to pay your way gives you a lot of leeway with people.