Why do people think less of a couple who aren't married?

missbiggles1

Gloomendoom wrote: »

You can only be a civil partner if you have the "piece of paper" to prove it.

As well.:).

skintpaul

I've seen married folks who had more worries / disputes, than unmarried ones who have been together for many years- both with, and without kids.

If people love and respect each other, that's all you need?

dirty_magic

duchy wrote: »

If those other people are an employer who have more favourable benefits for married employees or family who exclude those living over the brush rather than married from family events amongst many other scenarios- then it may not matter to you but to some people those kind of things do matter.

One of the saddest things I came across was a lady who had lived with her partner for twenty years- gave up her own career and pension to stay home and raise his kids (he was a widower) - When he died very suddenly she discovered he'd left the house (which was in his name only ) to the children and nominated his children in his work benefits. All these arrangements were decades old and he'd never bothered updating them. Not only did she lose her home but was left feeling he had never cared about her enough to check whether his assumption that they were "as good as married" was actually true-which it wasn't. Had he married her - it would have invalidated the will.....or had he not married her but not assumed he was married in all but name and updated his will she wouldn't have been left in such a bad situation.

You probably haven't read the whole thread but this is why I said in an earlier post that the only time I'd insist on marriage is if we wanted children. If we don't have children and we both work full time all our lives it won't make any difference. We can name each other on our pensions and the house is in both our names, and we only have mortgage life insurance which covers us both. I can't see the benefit of being married for us.

Plus the example above is less about not being married and more to do with not keeping up to date with financial affairs. It was avoidable without being married.

Buzzybee90

missbiggles1 wrote: »

We're not discussing whether people actually go to work or not but whether they get (paid) compassionate leave.

Of course they get paid. Of course you get compassionate leave. Presuming that is true for spouse/relative.

Mine actually covers lots of different relatives and friends.

onlyroz

Mojisola wrote: »

How do these companies define 'partner'? If you've been going out with someone for a couple of weeks, would that count?

In my case compassionate leave has to be approved by your line manger and so I imagine if there was any doubt over who this "partner" was they would ask for clarification and make a judgement on a case-by-case basis.

If I rang in and said my partner of two weeks had died and could I take some paid compassionate leave I wouldn't expect much sympathy.

geerex

j.e.j. wrote: »

I don't like the term partner, either.

husband / fiance / boyfriend is fine.

Hate it too. Will probably get shot down in flames for this but it seems to imply that the person asking thinks you may be gay. Don't have anything against them as such, but in itself the word seems to be asking for confirmation or denial about your sexual orientation.
Much like black people have made the n* word their own, the gay community seem to have monopolised the word partner.

Soleil_lune

skintpaul wrote: »

I've seen married folks who had more worries / disputes, than unmarried ones who have been together for many years- both with, and without kids.

If people love and respect each other, that's all you need?

On the contrary, I don't see married couples falling out and arguing any more than non-married ones. Indeed, the married ones seem to work it out and are far more likely to stick together. That is a well documented statistic.

Gillyx wrote: »

Myself and my OH have been together for 6.5 years and have a 3 year old son. Thankfully my name is on his life insurance policy as partner and his on mine also as partner.. His employment life insurance also accept me as a civil partner. I have absolutely no interest in marriage, watching my own parents separate has put me off.

Miss Biggles is right. You are not civil partners; you are merely two people living together. You will have not have as many legal rights as you think, nor will you be treated the same if he dies, by the law, or anyone else probably.

It always amazes me how people seem to regard their non-married status as the same as being married. It's not and never will be. I have known straight couples whining and moaning because they can't have a civil partnership. A civil partnership has always been marriage for gay people. All it is is marriage. So get married.

When I see couples who have been together for many years and never married, I do wonder why. What is stopping them? Not sure enough about their relationship?

ViolaLass

lazer wrote: »

Basically, i think the difference is if a couple are married you know the status of their relationship, if they aren't married you don't - they could have been with their OH for 2 months, 2 years, or 2 decades.

Any couple might have been together for any amount of time, regardless of whether they are married.

missbiggles1

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

Of course they get paid. Of course you get compassionate leave. Presuming that is true for spouse/relative.

Mine actually covers lots of different relatives and friends.

Of course you don't automatically get this.

As I, and several other people here, have shown many organisations only offer paid compassionate leave for the death of a spouse, child, sibling or parent, with a set number of days allocated in each category.

"Compassionate leave may be granted to employees as follows;

Up to a maximum of three working days may be granted on the death of an immediate relative, or in exceptional circumstances on the death of a more distant relative (e.g. where the employee has to take charge of funeral arrangements or has lived in the same house as the deceased.
An immediate relative means a father, mother, brother, sister, father-in-law, mother-in-law, child or spouse.
On the death of a spouse or child, the maximum number of days may be increased to five.
Extra days may also be allowed where an immediate relative dies abroad and the employee has to go abroad to take charge of the funeral arrangements."

http://www.hse.ie/eng/staff/Benefits_Services/Timeoff/Compassionate_Leave.html

I'm not saying that some other organisations don't offer this more widely but it would be a mistake to think that this is always the case.

missbiggles1

ViolaLass wrote: »

Any couple might have been together for any amount of time, regardless of whether they are married.

But a married couple who got hitched the day before will, quite correctly, have rights that someone who moved his toothbrush in yesterday, won't.