Why do people think less of a couple who aren't married?

squirrelchops

I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years - we are in our late 30s/early 40s.

People presume we are married - sometimes I correct them - for example work colleagues who I will see again but if it is people I won't ever see again I don't bother correcting them (e.g. hotel staff, people met at a function etc).

Therefore as people will not know if you are married or not unless you tell them, surely it becomes a moot point for some of the views on here. What I mean is no one can comment that being married is more solid or shows a greater commitment if they don't know you aren't in the first place.

I am having difficulty in articulating what I mean!! Just that people will view your relationship as they do and unless they know if you have that bit of paper or not, it is short sighted of people to say they view couples who aren't married as different to those who are.

duchy

missbiggles1 wrote: »

We're actually saying the same thing.:)

We are !
It had to happen sometime !! :beer:

Jagraf

squirrelchops wrote: »

I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years - we are in our late 30s/early 40s.

People presume we are married - sometimes I correct them - for example work colleagues who I will see again but if it is people I won't ever see again I don't bother correcting them (e.g. hotel staff, people met at a function etc).

Therefore as people will not know if you are married or not unless you tell them, surely it becomes a moot point for some of the views on here. What I mean is no one can comment that being married is more solid or shows a greater commitment if they don't know you aren't in the first place.

I am having difficulty in articulating what I mean!! Just that people will view your relationship as they do and unless they know if you have that bit of paper or not, it is short sighted of people to say they view couples who aren't married as different to those who are.

I agree. No one can say whether anyone else is more committed any more than trying to argue that a green car is better than a blue. Or white wine better than red.

duchy

squirrelchops wrote: »

People presume we are married - sometimes I correct them - for example work colleagues who I will see again but if it is people I won't ever see again I don't bother correcting them (e.g. hotel staff, people met at a function etc).

Therefore as people will not know if you are married or not unless you tell them, surely it becomes a moot point for some of the views on here. What I mean is no one can comment that being married is more solid or shows a greater commitment if they don't know you aren't in the first place.

.

Surely you correct people you know because they matter to you and you want them to know.......whereas you don't care what a stranger you will never see again thinks.................surely that's the same for everyone married or not ?

j.e.j.

onlyroz wrote: »

I don't think marriage in itself is about commitment and love, and you can be equally committed as a couple both with and without it.

It is.. usually. Not always, I grant you. Some people marry for other reasons, lol.

duchy

j.e.j. wrote: »

It is.. usually. Not always, I grant you. Some people marry for other reasons, lol.

And some people cohabit without marriage for other reasons sometimes too so is it any different ?

j.e.j.

duchy wrote: »

And some people cohabit without marriage for other reasons sometimes too so is it any different ?

They don't usually co-habit without marriage if they want to get a UK passport/citizenship. Never heard of a co-habitation of convenience, lol.

missbiggles1

j.e.j. wrote: »

It is.. usually. Not always, I grant you. Some people marry for other reasons, lol.

I think you have to separate the concept of marriage itself from individuals' own marriages and that's what I took onlyroz to mean.

Marriage is an institution (yes, we've all heard the jokes!) which is about property, family and society whereas individual marriages (or non marriages) can be pretty well whatever you want these days. As long as people understand the difference, there might perhaps be fewer misunderstandings on the subject.

Gillyx

Soleil_lune wrote: »

On the contrary, I don't see married couples falling out and arguing any more than non-married ones. Indeed, the married ones seem to work it out and are far more likely to stick together. That is a well documented statistic.




Miss Biggles is right. You are not civil partners; you are merely two people living together. You will have not have as many legal rights as you think, nor will you be treated the same if he dies, by the law, or anyone else probably.

It always amazes me how people seem to regard their non-married status as the same as being married. It's not and never will be. I have known straight couples whining and moaning because they can't have a civil partnership. A civil partnership has always been marriage for gay people. All it is is marriage. So get married.

When I see couples who have been together for many years and never married, I do wonder why. What is stopping them? Not sure enough about their relationship?

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Sorry - it's the nitpicker again!:o

You can only be a civil partner if you're in a same sex civil partnership which, given your username and the fact you use the word "his", isn't the case.

I'll pack my nits up now and shuffle off to bed.:)

Iv obviously used the wrong term with civil partner, however it doesn't negate my point. We're not complete morons, and have had the necessary legalities taken care of. We have both had our life insurance policies looked over by a legal professional, and both signed them in the presence of a legal professional, we both have wills and it's been documentated who we would wish to care for our son if God forbid anything had to happen to us. I have also signed his life insurance policy from his employer with my national insurance number and all the other details as required. Thankfully his employer doesn't live in the dark ages and I am entitled to the same things regardless of being his girlfriend or his wife.

As I said we have protected ourselves around about this. Thankfully there are some companies out there who realise we are living in 2015 and are happy to provide there paying customers with a service they require.

My parents messy separation is enough to put anyone off for life. If you've walked in my shoes the you can see fit to comment, thankfully I have an understanding OH who would never push me into something I clearly didn't want to do.

Edit: I'm extremely sure about my relationship, I wouldn't have and raise a child with someone if I wasn't, my child deserves better than that. Do I see myself growing old with my OH, absolutely. Does that future need a ring on my finger or his, definitely not. I'm a fighter, Iv been through a hell of a lot, and being married would not make me any more committed than I already am.

onlyroz

j.e.j. wrote: »

It is.. usually. Not always, I grant you. Some people marry for other reasons, lol.

All I am saying is that the marriage itself doesn't determine whether a couple is committed or in love - but it is the logical end product of that commitment and love.