Why do people think less of a couple who aren't married?

PasturesNew

If you don't get married ...and don't have kids .... the future family tree researchers will just see a big fat nothing when they look you up and you'll be the poor old lonely spinster in the tree that nobody loved

All barren and loveless...

POPPYOSCAR

Been together 30 years.


Got married two weeks ago, took all of 10 minutes, only two witnesses.


Only did it for the legalities, do not feel any different than the last 30 years. Nothing has changed, feel no more committed, still a ms, kept my name, no one knows but the four of us and the registrars.


Life has gone on exactly the same, so there is no difference IMO.

Jagraf

I don't know why people think other people should have the same representation of commitment.

It's like arguing that a red car is the best colour. Marriage in itself is the commitment you choose it to be. Not getting married is the commitment you choose it to be. Who are we to judge others on what we see as a commitment.

POPPYOSCAR

PasturesNew wrote: »

If you don't get married ...and don't have kids .... the future family tree researchers will just see a big fat nothing when they look you up and you'll be the poor old lonely spinster in the tree that nobody loved

All barren and loveless...

I do hope that was said tongue in cheek otherwise that could be quite offensive to some people.

lulu_92

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Eh?

You live with him, you're trying to have a child with him, you've discussed marriage and decided not yet but you still expect some kind of surprise proposal?

Sorry, that's just plain daft.

No, but OH likes to surprise me. It's my birthday next week and he's planning this big elaborate thing that involves us travelling somewhere and I have no idea where we're going or what we're doing.

For Christmas he bought me some presents, nothing fancy, then pulled out of his pocked two tickets to see Queen & Adam Lambert that he paid almost double the face value because I had mentioned I wanted to see them. I had no idea about any of this.

He has a very good poker face, he could be planning a proposal right now and I wouldn't have a clue. I don't necessarily want a big fancy surprise proposal but he might want to do that, is that such a bad thing?

scarlet55

j.e.j. wrote: »

No it's not an awful thing to say. The guy (and apparently his girlfriend too) doesn't want commitment. That's keeping your options open.

The book analogy earlier is quite appropriate, methinks

You don't have to buy one, you can just borrow one and take it back once you're done with it.

It doesn't always follow that because they don't want to get married that they don't want commitment...I said earlier that my daughter and her partner don't want to get married, and they're more committed to each other than any couple I know, married or otherwise! Neither believe in marriage because to them they don't need a piece of paper to tell the world they love each other.

Having said that, as I said in my earlier post they will get married sooner or later, purely because they have their first child on the way and he runs his own business - and that's just for security in case anything should happen to either of them.

PasturesNew

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I do hope that was said tongue in cheek otherwise that could be quite offensive to some people.

To who? Old spinsters (say 28 and above)?

missbiggles1

lulu_92 wrote: »

No, but OH likes to surprise me. It's my birthday next week and he's planning this big elaborate thing that involves us travelling somewhere and I have no idea where we're going or what we're doing.

For Christmas he bought me some presents, nothing fancy, then pulled out of his pocked two tickets to see Queen & Adam Lambert that he paid almost double the face value because I had mentioned I wanted to see them. I had no idea about any of this.

He has a very good poker face, he could be planning a proposal right now and I wouldn't have a clue. I don't necessarily want a big fancy surprise proposal but he might want to do that, is that such a bad thing?

Surprises are lovely, I agree.:)

However, you did say you'd discussed marriage and decided that it was for the future, so I don't see why you need a proposal - if I were in your position, I'd consider myself engaged to be married already.

missbiggles1

PasturesNew wrote: »

If you don't get married ...and don't have kids .... the future family tree researchers will just see a big fat nothing when they look you up and you'll be the poor old lonely spinster in the tree that nobody loved

All barren and loveless...

Perhaps they can put the cats on there instead?

lulu_92

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Surprises are lovely, I agree.:)

However, you did say you'd discussed marriage and decided that it was for the future, so I don't see why you need a proposal - if I were in your position, I'd consider myself engaged to be married already.

He's a lovely man that loves to surprise me and make me happy.

I would say we're "engaged to be engaged" as we both know it's coming one day :rotfl: I'm not fussed about it to be honest, I just know he will want to plan a proposal.

He better hurry, though. One of our friends has a joke agreement with him (made about 8 years ago, mind!) that if neither of them are married when she turns 30 they'll get married. She's 30 next February so I'm expecting that phone call any day :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: