Why do people think less of a couple who aren't married?

FBaby

Ha ha, very true! I remember a colleague of a certain age who was a serial dater. Each one came as an achievement and a step closer to the committed relationship she was looking for. She called all of them her new partner after a few weeks!

Jagraf

missbiggles1 wrote: »

But equally, or even more, odd to call the boyfriend you've been going out with for a few weeks or months, your "partner", don't you think?

Partner reminds me of cowboy films, or barn dancing.

I say "this is my man". I don't know why I do that.

Torry_Quine

fairy_lights wrote: »

He hasn't proposed with a ring - that doesn't mean he doesn't want to get married. Surely the fact that they've both agreed they want to get married when they can afford it means they are engaged, ring or not?

You might say that but I couldn't possibly comment!

I have said that and been told off:eek:

Mojisola

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Co habitating couple are quite often known as common law spouses. What is a common misconception though is that they have the same rights as a married couple.

It's surprising how persistent the myth of the common law spouse is.

People who live together have no legal rights as a couple.

The marriage certificate might only be a 'bit of paper' but it's a bit of paper that constitutes a legal contract and has benefits related to it.

dirty_magic

I don't think people really do take us less seriously tbh. My OH and I have been together for over 10 years, longer than everyone we know who is married, and we have a mortgage. People do drive him crazy at weddings/funerals/family parties etc and I can see him getting more closed off desperately trying to ignore them, but I don't think they see us as not serious.

I would like to get married, but my OH doesn't want to and while I do wind him up about it I'd rather him not bother than do it just because I want to, because then it really doesn't mean anything. He just genuinely doesn't see the point and he doesn't want to spend money on something that he thinks is pointless. I think a lot of men feel the same because some of my friends' husbands and fiances have admitted that they weren't fussed about getting married and did it for their wives. Our relationship wouldn't change and we don't plan on having kids.

Even if he did propose I don't think we'd be able to do it for the same reason as lulu92. I wouldn't spend a fortune but I would want a nice day and a meal with friends and family, and even small weddings add up. I'd rather spend the money on our house tbh.

FBaby wrote: »

Saying that, I do find it very odd to refer to your long term partner as 'girlfriend/boyfriend'. I know it means nothing, these are just words and what matters is what it means to the person using it, but I still think it's a strange choice of word to call your long term loving partner!

I do wonder when I'll have to stop calling him my boyfriend. What age is too old to be boyfriend?! I hate partner but what's the alternative? :rotfl:

Mojisola

pinkandblueshoe wrote: »

I think its a bit odd that a couple could make a decision to have a child which lets face it is a massive commitment but in the months of trying, the man doesn't have a spare five minutes to go and buy an engagement ring.

That makes it sound like the female of the partnership has no say in the ring or the decision, I dont mean it like that. But if you both want a child and you know your partner wants to marry you and hes 31 years old, also assume you've been together a few years, what on earth is stopping him proposing.

You don't have to buy an engagement ring in order to plan a marriage! We didn't bother with engagement rings - just told everyone that we were getting married.

It's not essential that the man asks the woman! If she wants to get married, she can ask him. If he says no, she can then decide what the future of the relationship is going to be.

Georgiegirl256

dirty_magic wrote: »

Even if he did propose I don't think we'd be able to do it for the same reason as lulu92. I wouldn't spend a fortune but I would want a nice day and a meal with friends and family, and even small weddings add up. I'd rather spend the money on our house tbh.
:

It all depends. You can totally have a nice day and a meal with friends and family for not very much at all.

I'm all for people having the day they want, and don't agree with those saying "just go down the register office", as even though that is the legal part taken care of, people are perfectly entitled to have their "big day" and have things the way they want.

When I hear things in the above quote however, it does make me sad as it does come across as an excuse, a defence mechanism if you like....which is perfectly understandable.

Maybe it's because I'm not a big wedding fan, but it always makes me cringe when women hold out and hold out for their "big romantic proposal". I think it's a decision that should be talked about and decided together.

scarlet55

j.e.j. wrote: »

It's a commitment to each other, for the rest of your lives. The big fat gypsy wedding and the ridiculously expensive hen and stag weekends are a total nonsense, and a relatively new phenomenon.

You don't want to commit to your girlfriend and would rather keep your options open, that's your decision. But to say married people all look miserable seems a bit of a sweeping statement!

I disagree with this, couples are just as much committed, if not more so, because there's no piece of paper binding them together. Couples that choose not to get married aren't doing so because they want to keep their options open...what an awful thing to say.

scarlet55

Jagraf wrote: »

Partner reminds me of cowboy films, or barn dancing.

I say "this is my man". I don't know why I do that.

My daughter calls hers ''the fella'':rotfl:

catkins

I don't think less of couples that live together without being married and I speak as someone who strongly believes in marriage. It should be that both are happy with that decision though. I know a few couples that have lived together for quite a number of years and the female really wants to be married. Two of them wear wedding rings and call themselves Mrs.