Why do people think less of a couple who aren't married?

missbiggles1

Jagraf wrote: »

Partner reminds me of cowboy films, or barn dancing.

I say "this is my man". I don't know why I do that.

That's another advantage of being married.;)

dirty_magic

j.e.j. wrote: »

Yes, in fact more so, perhaps?

I can't understand why someone would want to commit to a mortgage but not a marriage, if they're a couple, but I do know a few people who've made the decision that they're not bothered about marrying, and they just live together in the house they've bought.. Their choice. If both of them want that it's up to them.


What seems to be happening with a lot of women though, is that they want to get married (even though they make out they're not bothered) and they're waiting for the fella to propose, probably knowing deep down that it ain't gonna happen, because there's ALWAYS going to be some excuse as to why he can't or won't get married.

I feel quite sorry for these girls, they are quite naive, I think.

It's not always that much of a big deal. Some people just don't feel that they need the commitment of marriage when they've already got a house. The only time I would insist on marriage is if we wanted children, because the person looking after the child needs some protection if it does go wrong, and that really is an UN-romantic reason to marry. It's not an issue for us though.

I see your point about people waiting and being disappointed, but I've seen it happen and the man usually ends up giving in. This is why I'd rather him not bother than do it just because he thinks I want to.

He's not making excuses though, he's been upfront since the day we met that it's not what he wants and it's not going to happen. I know that and I definitely wouldn't leave just because he doesn't want to get married, I'd be cutting off my nose to spite my face.

j.e.j.

lulu_92 wrote: »

Can you list examples of these many women?

I can, but what would that achieve?

Would it make a young blue-eyed person see things a bit more clearly or would she just come up with 1000 more explanations/excuses..

I was talking generally, anyway, not particularly at you.

lulu_92

j.e.j. wrote: »

I can, but what would that achieve?

Would it make a young blue-eyed person see things a bit more clearly or would she just come up with 1000 more explanations/excuses..

I was talking generally, anyway, not particularly at you.

I was just wondering.

By the way, no excuses here. I've told you exactly what our situation is. Agree with it or not, it works for us.

Georgiegirl256

dirty_magic wrote: »

But realistically to pay for a proper meal for 80-100 friends and family it's going to cost £500 even at the local 2 for 1 pub! Then you've got the cost of the actual ceremony, plus the rings and the dress and suits.

I wouldn't be the type to hire a castle and have all the stupid extras like a £400 cake but I would like a nice wedding and I think even a budget wedding would cost between 2 and 3k. We just don't have 3k spare to spend. People do seem to look down on people when they say they can't afford to get married, but there's nothing wrong with wanting a nice day!

Just out of interest, if you don't have any kids what are the benefits of being married, other than the pension thing? If you've signed an expression of wish and made a will surely your OH would be taken care of whether you're married or not? I understand why you'd want to be married if you had children, but I don't really understand the benefits for a childless couple.

If you don't understand the benefits then why would you want to get married? There is a page on the cab website that explains the legal benefits.

Ours came in at less than a grand and it was a lovely day! Granted we had only our parents there as that's what we wanted. Had we had a lot more guests it would still have been well under 2 grand. If we'd have wanted all the frills, we would have saved for it.

I was just going off your first post where you said you wanted to get married but your OH didn't, that's all. :huh:

missbiggles1

dirty_magic wrote: »

But realistically to pay for a proper meal for 80-100 friends and family it's going to cost £500 even at the local 2 for 1 pub! Then you've got the cost of the actual ceremony, plus the rings and the dress and suits.

I wouldn't be the type to hire a castle and have all the stupid extras like a £400 cake but I would like a nice wedding and I think even a budget wedding would cost between 2 and 3k. We just don't have 3k spare to spend. People do seem to look down on people when they say they can't afford to get married, but there's nothing wrong with wanting a nice day!

Just out of interest, if you don't have any kids what are the benefits of being married, other than the pension thing? If you've signed an expression of wish and made a will surely your OH would be taken care of whether you're married or not? I understand why you'd want to be married if you had children, but I don't really understand the benefits for a childless couple.

But you don't have to have all that for a quiet wedding!

We had a meal afterwards for a dozen people, I had a new dress and he bought a suit becase he didn't own one - I doubt we spent more than a couple of hundred quid altogether!.

Have what you want, of course, but don't think that spending £2/3K is a cheap wedding.

dirty_magic

Kynthia wrote: »

Although some unmarried couples are as committed, do somehow show their partner that it's for life, do share all that they own by pooling money and putting assets in joint names, do put wills and insurances in place, etc, it's difficult for outsiders to know this as there isn't a public declaration. Also many unmarried couples say they are as committed but wouldn't be prepared to do the above, or aren't there yet so there's no way to know.

But does it matter whether you've publicly declared your commitment?! What difference does it make, it doesn't change how you feel. Besides, everyone knows I love my OH or we wouldn't have been together so l long! After all, it would have been easy for me to walk away with us not being married. Also you can be committed without sharing finances. Tbh I don't care what other people think of my relationship or my finances.

There's enough people getting married who aren't committed anyway, I think it's actually more than 1 in 3 that ends in divorce now. :eek:

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Kynthia wrote: »

A mortgage isn't as big as a commitment as marriage as why do people get mortgages together when they aren't ready to marry yet, or when one doesn't want to marry the other? Mortgages do financially tie you to someone, but marriage is a legal commitment and a big statement to everyone. You are legally a unit/couple and are telling everyone that you've found the one, you aren't settling or just happy for now, you love them and want to be with them forever and you're prepared to share all that you have and protect them as much as you can, and that you're going to take action to do this (get the license and go to the ceremony if not also organising a wedding).

Although some unmarried couples are as committed, do somehow show their partner that it's for life, do share all that they own by pooling money and putting assets in joint names, do put wills and insurances in place, etc, it's difficult for outsiders to know this as there isn't a public declaration. Also many unmarried couples say they are as committed but wouldn't be prepared to do the above, or aren't there yet so there's no way to know.

That makes it sound as though it's all for show. For a wedding rather than choosing to be together.



In any case, not that I'm going to be asked, I've already got a toaster and some tea towels.

missbiggles1

lulu_92 wrote: »

He's not going to tell me, when, where, what and how he is going to propose, is he?

Eh?

You live with him, you're trying to have a child with him, you've discussed marriage and decided not yet but you still expect some kind of surprise proposal?

Sorry, that's just plain daft.

missbiggles1

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

That makes it sound as though it's all for show. For a wedding rather than choosing to be together.

.

I didn't think it sounded like that at all - rather the opposite, in fact.