Thinking of leaving my husband

moneysaver12

Hi I didn't post for people to feel sorry for me. I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me. I have had abusive relationships before I met my husband where I went through domestic abuse and mental abuse. I am currently having cbt and am on medication. I certainly don't feel sorry for my self and it's taken some hard work on my part to get to where I am today. I went through a very bad time in my 20s and got to the point where I said enough is enough, went back to collage and then universit,, got counselling and cbt.

lostinrates

moneysaver12 wrote: »

Hi I didn't post for people to feel sorry for me. I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me. I have had abusive relationships before I met my husband where I went through domestic abuse and mental abuse. I am currently having cbt and am on medication. I certainly don't feel sorry for my self and it's taken some hard work on my part to get to where I am today. I went through a very bad time in my 20s and got to the point where I said enough is enough, went back to collage and then universit,, got counselling and cbt.

Great .

But what can happen hopefully is that you can get some insight and ideas for how to move forward.

moneysaver12

I had my oldest child when I was at the end of my first year of university so I know it's,harder when you are having to do work as,well as everything else. my husband works 40 hours a week if he was doing hours like some people have said their dh do then I wouldn't expect him to do anything. my oldest go to private nursery two mornings and one full day, youngsest does one full day and I try to do most of the house work on their full day and have a bit of me time. in September youngest gets 15 hours and oldest starts school so I will have a lot more time and I will be able to manage all the house work on my own.

It has got to the point where I wake up feeling over whelmed by everything. I take my boys to the park, soft play, a play group, some times the library, we do see a couple of friends. I am trying to make more friends and see people
I have been ateuggling mentally and I retreat into myself. I have borderline personality disorder, depression and anxiety. My meds have been changed and I'm hoping they get increased on Friday. I know I'm not easy to live with

lostinrates

moneysaver12 wrote: »

I had my oldest child when I was at the end of my first year of university so I know it's,harder when you are having to do work as,well as everything else. my husband works 40 hours a week if he was doing hours like some people have said their dh do then I wouldn't expect him to do anything. my oldest go to private nursery two mornings and one full day, youngsest does one full day and I try to do most of the house work on their full day and have a bit of me time. in September youngest gets 15 hours and oldest starts school so I will have a lot more time and I will be able to manage all the house work on my own.

It has got to the point where I wake up feeling over whelmed by everything. I take my boys to the park, soft play, a play group, some times the library, we do see a couple of friends. I am trying to make more friends and see people
I have been ateuggling mentally and I retreat into myself. I have borderline personality disorder, depression and anxiety. My meds have been changed and I'm hoping they get increased on Friday. I know I'm not easy to live with

If you are feeling overwhelmed And talking about struggling mentally I would suggest now is not the time to make ANY big life time decision.

If you feel you are not easy to live with this suggests you might be in discomfort and you need to find a way for ALL of you, including your kids, to change this.

Bravo for recognising these things. :T

Why not do the worst house work on that full day, but include the kids in some daily chores? Little ones can enjoy 'housework play' and being occupied 'helping' as they run around rubbing skirtings with dry cloths, or learn to separate washes into colours. . It helps review colour names with tinys, and can teach finer categorisation to an almost ready for school. , plus they are being with you and busy. vacuuming was an obsessive love for my nieces. I used to put the upholstery fitting on to limit how much they could scuff, turn suction down and let them at it. They tried and tried, but they never could get their toes vacuumed off,

Then you could get your full day to ring maybe a half day off...seeing a friend, going swimming alone, just going and being silent, going to somewhere grown up, or getting your hair done or something. Or vacuum if you really must!

indesisiv

It sounds like you need to relax about the housework, and enjoy the time you spend with the kids more.

The more groups / things you can do out of the house would really be beneficial. Its summer, this is the time to be spending days in the park, beach etc. It will also give you interesting things to talk to your husband about when you get in, and give him quiet time to get on and work.

I vacuum every couple of weeks when I can fit it in, it is really not as important as you seem to be making it out to be. I have never had a full day any week to do housework and am constantly amazed at the things that people seem to do every day!

lazer

I agree that it the role of the SAHP to do the housework, look after the children and cook meals.

In this case the husband works 40 hours a week (at home mainly - so no travel time!), and cooks the meals.

What happens at weekends - who does the housework and cooking etc, as i actually think its unfair if the wife does all of it at weekends too, the husband gets 2 days off a week, the wife deserves some time off too, so in the ideal world, husband does it one day, wife the next so they each get a day off.

FBaby

Is not very clear whether you do feel sorry for yourself and expect your husband to do more or whether you accept your limitations but know that husband does all he can already. There seem to be mixed messages to that regard. You seem to be saying that your husband doesn't hedge it as hard as you. I don't know what job he does but having been to Uni full time, looked after my two when young and having worked full time whilst helping around the house I would definitely say that the latter is the hardest. Does your husband get any 'me time'? It doesn't have to be equal between you you might need more time then your husband but there is so much he can give and if he watches TV at night maybe it is because that's all he has the energy left to do at the end of the day.

warmhands.coldheart

moneysaver12 wrote: »

.... I have to hoover everyday as we have a,dog who moults a lot. Husband says I'm neurotic about hoovering but I don't think it is fair for our little boys to have to play on a carpet covered in dog hairs. ......

Get rid of the dog then or keep it outside..... Problem sorted !!

Why do people make things hard for themselves and then complain about it...

19lottie82

warmhands.coldheart wrote: »

Get rid of the dog then or keep it outside..... Problem sorted !!

Why do people make things hard for themselves and then complain about it...

Really? Just get rid of the dog? OK......

Or keep it outside? So just throw a dog into the garden 24/7? What about the neighbours if / when it starts barking to be let inside?

Pointless and pretty unhelpful post!

moneysaver12

Hi thank you for the replies they have given me things,to think about. I have,suggested to my husband that we have a date night on Saturday once,our boys are in bed. Have told my husband I love him and how I apricate how hard he,works and given him a hug. it's good to get perspective from other people. Made me realise I need to try harder.