Thinking of leaving my husband

heartbreak_star

I agree with a couple of previous posts - I think you're bored.


Could you volunteer for a few hours a week? Just to get you out of the house and into some adult company


HBS x

Andypandyboy

I think you are in a rut. Maybe your illness is affecting your judgement.

It does sound as if you leave your husband you will be in a worse position than now; no help in the house at all, possible financial issues, no help with two young demanding children, housing issues, being completely alone. Really consider all those points before you act.

Just reading your post it seems to me that you have unrealistic expectations of a full timeworking from home hiusband, an unwillingness to accept that most sahm's do the bulk of housework and childcare, and unrealistic expectations re the demands of having two young children close togther and the toll that takes.

All of the above can be hard situations, you just have to remember that kids grow up, sahm's go back to work, job roles change. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Don't throw away a marriage for transitory issues.

Fireflyaway

It doesn't seem you have issues so big that it warrants a divorce. No violence or cheating or addictions etc. You have kids so isn't it worth making some changes rather than walking away?

I'm not saying it works for everyone but this is why me and my husband get on well in my opinion.

We decided his main 'role' is to earn the money so he works full time. Therefore as I work only a few hours, I see it as my role to do the housework / shopping / cooking etc. That means we work equal hours but just doing different things. I suspect your husband might feel you are taking the mick asking him to do housework and cooking as well as work full time? He may also feel you don't respect the importance of his work if you keep interrupting. Men do seem to see 'comments' as nagging!

In the evenings he is probably tired after working a long day, especially if its stressful. Stress and tiredness don't equal a high sex drive. After 8 years its pretty normal not to feel as up for it as you used to, especially with kids in the house so don't take it personally.

Can you find a hobby that you enjoy? You don't have to do everything together. Could you do something like a board game once in a while or arrange a date night. You don't have to go out but could get a takeaway or watch a film in the house once a week?

To me it sounds as though you are just bored an stuck in a rut. Once the kids are older and you can work part time - get adult conversation and get out the house etc things will be easier.

kelpie35

I am sorry that you have mental health problems. I am sure that it is difficult for you raising 2 small children....................but, I think it is time you took a step back and be thankful for what you have.

You come across as a very sad person, not content with what you have.

Tell your husband how much you love him, show him you are grateful for what you have. Tell your children they are loved. Stop focusing on yourself and find things to do as a family and I am sure it will help with how you are feeling.

amistupid

I wonder how long his list of your faults would be.

19lottie82

moneysaver12 wrote: »

I'm a stay at home mum. going to look for a job when youngest starts school next year, oldest starts this year. the does scare me because of my mental health

If your youngest starts school next year, does he not get free nursery time just now? If I were you I would take up some volunteering just now. It will help you get on track for work next year, as well as learning new skills and boosting your self esteem.

moneysaver12 wrote: »

Evenings seem to be spent with him watching TV and me either reading or on the Internet sat next to each other. we don't get to have nights out, the times that we have, it's been up to me to try and find a baby sitter (family not supportive) and husband family live nearly 200 miles away. he won't make the effort to find a baby sitter. I tried date nights at home and whilst they were nice it was all down to me, and I felt he moaned.

I'm afraid when you work F/T and have kids, that's what the majority of evenings are like!

You need to speak to your husband and explain the importance of having some time together where you work on your relationship. Try the date nights again and ask him to make an effort.

I'm sure it can't be that hard to find a babysitter for one night a month?

moneysaver12 wrote: »

He seems to moan a lot which I'm fed up of.

OP, with the greatest respect, that's what you seem to be doing too. I get the impression you're moaning at each other which is a vicious circle that you need to break. You BOTH need to make an effort here.

Do you really think things will be better if you divorce, because I don't.

pollypenny

I might be harsh, but I think the OP needs to grow up and get real.

She has a husband who works hard and does all the cooking. He gets cross if she disturbs him when he's working. Wouldn't we all?

Count your blessings, girl!

moneysaver12

Caroline_a wrote: »

During the period of time when I was a stay at home mum I never expected my husband to help with any housework, cooking, gardening etc, or indeed any organising of outings. I felt this was my 'job', and any help I did get was a big bonus.

It looks to me as if you are bored - if you aren't happy with your husband providing for you, doing most of the cooking, etc, how on earth are you going to cope as a single parent?

Hi the Internet signal is poor so am struggling to reply. I do contribute financialy too. I would just like a bit of help with the house work, don't expect him to do stuff everyday, just hoovering one day a week would help. I have to hoover everyday as we have a,dog who moults a lot. Husband says I'm neurotic about hoovering but I don't think it is fair for our little boys to have to play on a carpet covered in dog hairs. My husband doesn't really understand why house work needs doing every week/ day depending on what it is. I do thinks like painting, if I ask my husband to do something I wait months so usually easier to do it myself, still waiting for him to secure the swing in to the ground to make it safe.

Georgiegirl256

moneysaver12 wrote: »

Hi the Internet signal is poor so am struggling to reply. I do contribute financialy too. I would just like a bit of help with the house work, don't expect him to do stuff everyday, just hoovering one day a week would help. I have to hoover everyday as we have a,dog who moults a lot. Husband says I'm neurotic about hoovering but I don't think it is fair for our little boys

How hard is it to vacumn? I mean seriously! I'm still finding it hard to understand why you expect a man who works full time to then start doing the housework as well? I'm taking it you haven't got a mansion, so keeping an average sized home clean and tidy shouldn't really be that hard. Are you struggling to keep on top of things? Or are you just feeling resentful that he doesn't do much to the upkeep of the house? It would be interesting to know which it was.

If it's the latter, then I really do think it's unfair for you to expect more out of him.

lostinrates

moneysaver12 wrote: »

Hi the Internet signal is poor so am struggling to reply. I do contribute financialy too. I would just like a bit of help with the house work, don't expect him to do stuff everyday, just hoovering one day a week would help. I have to hoover everyday as we have a,dog who moults a lot. Husband says I'm neurotic about hoovering but I don't think it is fair for our little boys to have to play on a carpet covered in dog hairs. My husband doesn't really understand why house work needs doing every week/ day depending on what it is. I do thinks like painting, if I ask my husband to do something I wait months so usually easier to do it myself, still waiting for him to secure the swing in to the ground to make it safe.

They'd live. We had almost twenty dogs at times when I was a child. I bet we had more dog hair

I too think you are dissatisfied and the issue is not with your husband but probably how you are feeling. Perhaps your husband thinks sometimes he'd just like you to cook sometimes, or he'd just like another day off work a week?

My ft working husband, like yours, helps me more than I feel he should have to because of my health issues. But I am very, very grateful for it. When I see things undone I do find it frustrating but I remember how much more would be undone were I having to struggle entirely alone.

It sounds as if really you care for each other a lot.

I mean no disrespect but are you content your medication for mental health issue is satisfactory? And are you meeting needs for your own health and wellbeing like a bit of daily exercise, taking the children for walks and ply each day and getting some fresh air and seeing the world for example?