Getting kids to be more mindful around the house

Jagraf

Personally with a 16 year old who still isn't mindful about certain things, I would start now. They are old enough to start learning that you are not their maid. If you start early, they should just do it without a load of attitude, then by the time they're 16 they will hopefully do it automatically.

The loo, the rubbish, the tissues. If they're not mindful in the house they won't be mindful when they get older with their friends and in other environments, and that will then cause problems.

It's no different really to starting to be mindful about money, other people etc.

Jagraf

Alikay wrote: »

Yep, that works pretty well -used it a lot with mine. Far more effective than expecting a 9 year old to be mindful!

But that's the same thing isn't it? Eventually getting the, to do something automatically is mindful.

Jagraf

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I don't think that flushing the loo after using it and putting wrappers in the bin is too much to ask kids of any age. Doing those doesn't strike me as particularly adult things to do as, presumably, even a primary school's going to expect at least that!

I agree. In fact I think its more important as if its not done its expected someone else will do these tasks for them which gives the wrong impression.

Alikay

Jagraf wrote: »

But that's the same thing isn't it? Eventually getting the, to do something automatically is mindful.

No, it's quite the opposite. The result is the same - plates are put in the dishwasher/wrappers in bin etc, but the method used to get there is very different. Conditioning is what most people use with kids....frequent reminding, positive outcomes for desirable behaviour, negative ones (TV off, telling off etc) for neglecting to carry out those tasks. Mindfulness is a different technique and one that very young brains aren't mature enough to use extensively. Heck, I'd be exhausted myself if I was mindful about every small task I did, but luckily conditioning means that many small thing like teeth cleaning, loo flushing, hand-washing are just something I do without thinking.

missbiggles1

Obviously the word "mindful" is being used in a way I've not considered before, which is probably my fault.

I've been talking about doing something automatically, without being reminded all the time, so how is it different?

(Genuine question.)

Errata

Any tips on how to train them? I don't think I am asking too much!

Actions have consequences - stick the wrappers in their beds!
Not flushing the toilet after they've used it means they probably haven't washed their hands afterwards either. My solution to that squalid little problem would be wait until the summer school holidays and make them wear the same undies three days on the trot because you couldn't be bothered to have clean ones for them, just like they can't be bothered to flush the lav.
All the above comes under the Tough Love list; constant nagging is just noise on the line,

Jagraf

Alikay wrote: »

No, it's quite the opposite. The result is the same - plates are put in the dishwasher/wrappers in bin etc, but the method used to get there is very different. Conditioning is what most people use with kids....frequent reminding, positive outcomes for desirable behaviour, negative ones (TV off, telling off etc) for neglecting to carry out those tasks. Mindfulness is a different technique and one that very young brains aren't mature enough to use extensively. Heck, I'd be exhausted myself if I was mindful about every small task I did, but luckily conditioning means that many small thing like teeth cleaning, loo flushing, hand-washing are just something I do without thinking.

I get what you are saying - I think the op means being considerate of self and others rather than mindful in the "fully aware of everything" meditative kind of scenario, so to do it automatically without thinking.

Alikay

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Obviously the word "mindful" is being used in a way I've not considered before, which is probably my fault.

I've been talking about doing something automatically, without being reminded all the time, so how is it different?
(Genuine question.)

It's the difference in level of awareness when doing certain things, and uses different areas of the brain - takes time for the brain to be mature enough too. For example, a 5 year old can learn (ie be conditioned) to take their reading book to school every day, but remembering to take PE kit on a Tuesday because that's PE day is a skill they probably won't master until secondary school. I've probably not explained very well, but Mindfulness is a bit of a trendy practice at the moment, and there are lots of training courses out there. Its something I'm trying to use regarding the biscuit tin, but sadly have become conditioned over many years to expecting something sweet with my tea :rotfl:.

Flyonthewall

Jagraf wrote: »

The loo, the rubbish, the tissues. If they're not mindful in the house they won't be mindful when they get older with their friends and in other environments, and that will then cause problems.

I disagree. Kids can act very differently in their own homes to in public or friends houses.

The line "now why can you not be more like (friends name)" has been used many times by parents when a friend has been around and done something such as helped clear the dishes or whatever. However as soon as they get back home they have parents wishing they'd do that exact same task.

Once they grow up and get their own place they often then want to keep it looking nice and finally understand why their parents constantly told them to tidy up.

onlyroz

If you find the answer let me know. I'm fed up of finding nasty surprises in the toilet bowl, toothpaste spit trails down the sink and a trail of empty wrappers around the house.