Getting kids to be more mindful around the house

spendingmad

Hi everyone!

The age old problem......

I am fed up with nagging the kids to tidy up after themselves, put wrappers in the bin, flush toilet, put dirty plates in dishwasher etc etc etc. silly little things that I shouldn't have to ask/tell them to do.

I have two children DS12 and DD9. They have set chores which are looking after the animals and tidying the kitchen each evening (I have to remind them to do it.) but would also like them to tidy up after themselves. I have had a conversation with them asking them to be more mindful and not wait for me to ask them and to take responsibility. It lasted an evening.

I hate nagging them all the time. Constantly having to ask them to do the most menial things, it wears me down and frustrates me.

Any tips on how to train them? I don't think I am asking too much!

Jagraf

spendingmad wrote: »

Hi everyone!

The age old problem......

I am fed up with nagging the kids to tidy up after themselves, put wrappers in the bin, flush toilet, put dirty plates in dishwasher etc etc etc. silly little things that I shouldn't have to ask/tell them to do.

I have two children DS12 and DD9. They have set chores which are looking after the animals and tidying the kitchen each evening (I have to remind them to do it.) but would also like them to tidy up after themselves. I have had a conversation with them asking them to be more mindful and not wait for me to ask them and to take responsibility. It lasted an evening.

I hate nagging them all the time. Constantly having to ask them to do the most menial things, it wears me down and frustrates me.

Any tips on how to train them? I don't think I am asking too much!

I used to throw DD stuff in the bin if she isn't tidy it up. Only had to do it a few times.

spendingmad

Jagraf wrote: »

I used to throw DD stuff in the bin if she isn't tidy it up. Only had to do it a few times.

I want it throwing in the bin! It's the wrappers, tissues etc that need tidying up I just don't think I should move their mess.

balletshoes

constant reminding is the only way it works with my DD. She's getting better (age 14 and has been in training for about half her life :rotfl:).

PenniesMake£s

Losing money from pocket money if they don't do it or losing some other privilege that is important to them (sweets, tv time) ??

Alikay

Do you really want them to be "mindful"? At 12 and 9? I think if they're doing what you ask of them in a reasonably timely fashion and without too much complaining then that's fair enough at that age - especially as they do their set chores. There is plenty of time for them to think like adults when they ARE adults, and if you can get hold of an up to date book on child development you'll what level of responsibility and autonomy they're capable of at that age: From what you say they seem perfectly normal developmentally to me and its your expectations which seem a little high, especially for the nine year old!

I'm sure someone will be along to say how they got up at 5, cleaned the house and chopped firewood, did a 10 hour shift down t'pit at that age, walked 5 miles home and then cooked dinner for the family , but I was pretty rubbish at that age unless I was given specific instructions as were my kids and most kids I've met.

missbiggles1

Alikay wrote: »

Do you really want them to be "mindful"? At 12 and 9? I think if they're doing what you ask of them in a reasonably timely fashion and without too much complaining then that's fair enough at that age - especially as they do their set chores. There is plenty of time for them to think like adults when they ARE adults, and if you can get hold of an up to date book on child development you'll what level of responsibility and autonomy they're capable of at that age: From what you say they seem perfectly normal developmentally to me and its your expectations which seem a little high, especially for the nine year old!

I'm sure someone will be along to say how they got up at 5, cleaned the house and chopped firewood, did a 10 hour shift down t'pit at that age, walked 5 miles home and then cooked dinner for the family , but I was pretty rubbish at that age unless I was given specific instructions as were my kids and most kids I've met.

I don't think that flushing the loo after using it and putting wrappers in the bin is too much to ask kids of any age. Doing those doesn't strike me as particularly adult things to do as, presumably, even a primary school's going to expect at least that!

Alikay

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I don't think that flushing the loo after using it and putting wrappers in the bin is too much to ask kids of any age. Doing those doesn't strike me as particularly adult things to do as, presumably, even a primary school's going to expect at least that!

Okay, the loo thing is a bit gross, and that's always been a reflex action for me and my kids but I've worked in many places where intelligent adults seem to have a problem with it!

Spendless

Shout them back from where they are and tell them to do the job. My kids moan like mad when I do this, but eventually they will get the message that it is far simpler to just do it, than be interrupted from what they are doing to go back to it.

Flyonthewall

They're kids. They want to play and watch TV, they're not bothered about adult things like a clean tidy house or doing boring housework.

They probably hate you nagging them as much you hate nagging, but it obviously doesn't motivate them to actually do it.

Maybe get them to do it at set times. Say when they get home from school, tidy up and then they can watch TV or do whatever. Remind them as you hand them food that they should throw wrappers away.

You could make it into some sort of game. Either a game of who can tidy up fastest or more of a reward based game. Each time one of them throws something away without being asked they get a star. Keep the rewards small and simple so it's something nice but they're not being rewarded for doing something you feel they should do with asking. For example, if you're going on a day out whoever has done more that week gets to pick where to go (maybe out of set options) or they get their favourite meal at the end of the week.

While you might want a tidy house it's not something kids care about so giving them some reason to do other than you wanting it done may help. As they grow older it will hopefully become a habit.

Alikay

Spendless wrote: »

Shout them back from where they are and tell them to do the job. My kids moan like mad when I do this, but eventually they will get the message that it is far simpler to just do it, than be interrupted from what they are doing to go back to it.

Yep, that works pretty well -used it a lot with mine. Far more effective than expecting a 9 year old to be mindful!