Someone please explain this "not ever using taxi ever ever" thing to me

margaretclare

[quote=[Deleted User];68693673]Tried and tried and tried and tried.

His attitude is he's old, and that's what hes like, and hes got to have his say.[/QUOTE]

I've forgotten how old you said your Dad is, but Alikay and Mojisola have recently posted to the effect that 'being old' does not mean that's what you must necessarily be like.

My 80th birthday comes up in a few weeks' time, DH is already 80.

About being self-employed from a working-class background, we can think of several close relatives who have gone self-employed. We've both been self-employed ourselves in the past. And about seeing oneself as working class and 'certain things are not for him...' sorry, but that's absolute nonsense. I can think of many people in the public eye who came from very humble backgrounds, have gone on to be honoured by Her Majesty, I'm sure you can think of many. The immigrants have it right. Mostly they are not cursed with this residual sense of outdated 'class' i.e. the rich man in his castle, the poor man at the gate. Not all the current crop of newly-elected MPs went to Eton and Harrow. The grammar-school system was the best because it really did give a sense of aspiration, that you could do whatever you chose to do.

meritaten

Paul, in my experience people don't change when they get old - their character traits become even more strong. the miserly become downright mean and the outspoken become really rude!
and sometimes that needs pointing out to them - be as 'plainspeaking' as they are.

gettingtheresometime

I think we can take it that unless you agree with the OP then don't bother making a comment lol!

I think though that the OP fails to appreciate that many older people would consider being self employed as a risky business - and yes I appreciate that no job is secure these days.

In addition there's almost an inverted snobbery to being working class in some areas (and I would include South Wales in that) - but I don't get hung up on what 'class' I'm in ...in fact I've never really thought about it as I have far more important things to think about!

There's been numerous threads on her where people have cut their mum out of their life - perhaps the OP should do the same with his dad ?

Torry_Quine

I doubt very much that anything you say will make the smallest difference to your Dad but you can choose how to respond to his ways.

You may need to be more like your brother and leave him to himself.

Maz

If it was me, I would have given up a long time ago, whether it was with the laundry problem or taxi issue.

Every time you find a solution, your Dad seems to find a problem. You can never help people like that who have that sort of negative outlook.

Pollycat

[quote=[Deleted User];68693673]
I've tried to tell Dad when he says he can't get hold of my brother for weeks on end. Hes avoiding you because you wouldnt keep out of his business AGAIN. Leave it alone and let him get on with it.[/QUOTE]
So what does that tell you?

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I doubt very much that anything you say will make the smallest difference to your Dad but you can choose how to respond to his ways.

You may need to be more like your brother and leave him to himself.

Good advice.
It's up to you how to deal with it - but posting about it on here and dismissing all suggestions won't make any difference at all.
If your Dad won't change - and it's obvious that he's not going to change - then you have to change how you deal with him when he criticises you or wants you to have a day off work so you can take him somewhere that he can easily get to by taxi for a few quid.

Stop enabling him.

[Deleted User]

Pollycat wrote: »

So what does that tell you?


Good advice.
It's up to you how to deal with it - but posting about it on here and dismissing all suggestions won't make any difference at all.
If your Dad won't change - and it's obvious that he's not going to change - then you have to change how you deal with him when he criticises you or wants you to have a day off work so you can take him somewhere that he can easily get to by taxi for a few quid.

Stop enabling him.

Agree mainly. But Im not at the point yet where I cut him off - can't do that.

BUT at times, he is a huge problem, which is why I ask for advice on here. OK maybe I rant a bit too.

missbiggles1

[quote=[Deleted User];68699017]Agree mainly. But Im not at the point yet where I cut him off - can't do that.

BUT at times, he is a huge problem, which is why I ask for advice on here. OK maybe I rant a bit too.[/QUOTE]

I certainly don't think you should cut him off .

Far too many people on here are keen on severing ties with parents just because they're fallible human beings in the same way as far too many people encourage others to leave their spouses because they're less than perfect!

Rather surprisingly, very few people suggest severing ties with young adult children who are physically or emotionally abusive which always seems odd to me.

Pollycat

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I certainly don't think you should cut him off .

Far too many people on here are keen on severing ties with parents just because they're fallible human beings in the same way as far too many people encourage others to leave their spouses because they're less than perfect!

Rather surprisingly, very few people suggest severing ties with young adult children who are physically or emotionally abusive which always seems odd to me.

Personally, I'd always suggest severing ties with anyone - regardless of age or relationship - who is physically or emotionally abusive.

I guess it's up to Paul if he thinks his Dad's constant criticising of him and his family is 'emotionally abusive'.
I'd say ruining Christmas Day by telling him how stupid and idiotic they were to spend so much on their kids would result in me doing the same as his brother does and making sure he can't get hold of me for weeks.

[Deleted User]

Pollycat wrote: »

Personally, I'd always suggest severing ties with anyone - regardless of age or relationship - who is physically or emotionally abusive.

I guess it's up to Paul if he thinks his Dad's constant criticising of him and his family is 'emotionally abusive'.
I'd say ruining Christmas Day by telling him how stupid and idiotic they were to spend so much on their kids would result in me doing the same as his brother does and making sure he can't get hold of me for weeks.

Yes I was particularly unimpressed by that one. Even when I had words with him afterwards he didn't think he'd done anything wrong. As far as he was concerned, he was right and we were wrong and he had every right to say so.

In the end, it got to me saying look I don't care if you are right. If you want to think you're right then go ahead but keep your nose out of our business. He got upset about that but I had no choice. I had to tell him to keep his views to himself or he wasn't welcome on xmas day.

Most of the time - its just me and him when hes having a go or coming up with stupid comments. Annoying but I mainly ignore him or tell porkies to put him off. (He had a dig last week that I was losing money by taking a few days off - so I told him I was taking TOIL and still getting paid to shut him up).

Ironic thing is his mother was a nightmare before she went. Constantly expecting him to do things etc. He often keeps going on saying I hope I never get like that. Ummmmmmm :-(