Someone please explain this "not ever using taxi ever ever" thing to me

margaretclare

duchy wrote: »

Maybe that's the compromise -If the Dad can get a cab there and the OP or another family member can pick him up as it is likely to finish after normal working hours.

(I wouldn't assume all elderly people don't have mobiles though )

There's a lady who goes to our church who has a taxi to get there and back. One day she was waiting after church, it was a bit chilly and windy and the taxi was late. We offered to phone the taxi firm and the conversation that ensued was something like 'well, how can you, there's no phone box and no phone in church' which went on to our suggesting that she should get a mobile for herself. Very dubious. Fortunately the taxi turned up, many apologies, traffic was terrible etc. DH and I are of the opinion that, of all modern inventions, a mobile phone is probably one of the more useful ones particularly for older and/or disabled people. Ours has been a lifeline on more than one occasion.

margaretclare

CathA wrote: »

My friend's father lived in a flat nearby, his daughter had emigrated to Australia. He went over there once, had a great time and was planning to go again. However, he said he couldn't afford it, was going to have to start living on cat food, wasn't coping with the housework but couldn't afford a cleaner etc etc.

Moving on from there, when he died he had over £40,000 in the bank, no debts or credit cards. My friend and I cleaned his flat prior to it being sold; the bathroom was indescribable and there was mouse droppings in the cupboards, and don't even think about the cooker!

I think a lot of it is their age, (he was over 80 when he died) as they are of the generation that doesn't think it's their 'place' in life to employ others to do jobs they can do themselves. Also, they're of the mentality when it comes to money that they can't spend it 'just in case'. Of case of what, no-one knows!

The only thing to do is try and let it wash over you, he's not going to spend his money on taxis if he doesn't want to, that's his choice. I expect a lot of it is he's wanting to leave an inheritance for his family. My mum wanted to move to Bournemouth but was worried how much it would cost, also how I would manage with the children as she used to help a lot in the school holidays. Many times I told her to go and I would manage; after all the kids were my responsibility although I was very grateful for her help. I told her if she was dead I'd have to manage!! Harsh, perhaps but true. Anyway, she never moved to Bournemouth, the girls are now grown up with families of their own and my mum died 7 years ago, never having her dream of living by the sea.

Sometimes you can't help those that won't help themselves. Good luck.

'Their place in life'. I remember hearing this when I was a kid. 'To do my duty in that state of life into which it has pleased God to call me'. Upward mobility is a no-no, then!

Things have changed tremendously since the end of the second World War. Not all good, but what it has meant for many of us is a huge change in expectations, in possibilities, in opportunities. Going to school in the 1940s most of the boys were expected to become farm labourers and the girls, to go into domestic service.

Put into that sort of context, what you say about an 'age thing' makes sense. Where I must differ is to say that it doesn't apply to all of us. Some of us have grasped those opportunities and haven't remained pickled in amber.

suki1964

Paul, your dad sound like my late MIL in some respects

She grew up in relative poverty , leaving school to go into service, until she married at became a wife and mother

My late FIL was a bit of a lad, fingers in a lot of pies, self made man, well respected and left a fortune when he died

Mil never in her life had taken a taxi she had never in her life met up with a friend for a coffee and cake in town. She kept the blinds drawn on the windows and the furniture covered in sheets so they didn't fade. She sat wrapped in a blanket rather then put the heating on. When FIL was dying with cancer, it was her on her own who nursed him as no one else was allowed to see him not at his best

When she died, she too left a fortune, and she was proud of the fact that she had "replaced" the money FIL had bequeathed on his death

I think that some people are just not used to money. They are not used to it being there to enjoy.

Savvy_Sue

[quote=[Deleted User];68646008]Now theres an idea....[/QUOTE]But Paul, do you KNOW how much those things cost? Ridiculous idea, he's not going to waste his money on one of those when he can just as easily get the ... oh wait ...

Good luck with that project, anyway. Do you think he'd be safe?

Mr_Toad

One of the saddest, and most heart warming, stories was one my ex-wife told me years ago when she worked in a bank.

They had one elderly customer, in his late 80s, who came in every week to pay most of his pension into his account.

He looked like nobody owned him and always wore shabby ill fitting clothes that looked on the verge of falling apart. In the winter he never wore a coat and always seemed to be wet and cold.

Several of the staff tried to suggest he bought himself a warm coat but he always reckoned he couldn't afford such luxuries. The bank staff found this a little odd as the old man had several accounts and the one he paid most of his pension into had a six figure balance and the first number was bigger than a 5!

One winter was particularly severe and he still didn't have a coat so they decided to get one for him. They all put a bit of money in and went and got him a good overcoat and hat from one of the charity shops. When he next came in they told him they had something for him, explaining that the coat and hat had been left in the branch and had been in lost property for 6 months but nobody had come to claim them and that they was due to be cleared out and thrown away and they wondered if he'd like it as it was a shame to throw such a good coat away.

He was delighted and went away snug in his new coat.

CathA

margaretclare wrote: »

'Their place in life'. I remember hearing this when I was a kid. 'To do my duty in that state of life into which it has pleased God to call me'. Upward mobility is a no-no, then!

Put into that sort of context, what you say about an 'age thing' makes sense. Where I must differ is to say that it doesn't apply to all of us. Some of us have grasped those opportunities and haven't remained pickled in amber.

Please don't think I'm tarring everyone of a certain age with the same brush!! But it's very true that some older people have a different attitude to money/technology/today's world. Being brought up in the war has a lot to do with it. My dad had a car accident, car written off, but no real injuries to my dad, these things happen and no-one died. However, when the police were talking later to my dad, they offered him counselling regarding the accident. Poor chap got a lecture about how my dad had come through the war, bombed nightly as a kid whilst he was in London, never had counselling then etc etc! It's a different world in many ways now.

I would like to add that my dad has got a mobile and a computer; on the other hand trying to teach him to use them was like knitting fog!!

DUKE

I knew a woman who used to walk everywhere even though she had a free travel pass. She'd say that she was saving her pass, what she thought she was saving I've no idea. I'd see her humping great parcels .... for miles :eek:

My Mom's recently started to use a taxi once a week. But she still buys a lot of c*rap rather than treat herself to good quality stuff. Although I've managed to talk her into buying herself some decent stuff, but the rest of the family complain she's wasting her money. So now she's saving all of her money for her ungrateful kids, who she rarely sees, so she can leave it to them in her will. It drives me mad, but I have to let it go for my own sanity.

RuthnJasper

It's a bit of an extreme example, but I remember seeing Jerry Springer being interviewed once. His parents had fled Nazi Germany, barely making it with their lives, and their parents were all subsequently murdered. Springer was talking about how his father used to struggle financially but always kept a small vehicle in perfect working order, despite never driving it. He said that when he asked his father why he did this, his dad replied "Because it might happen again and we might need to get away." It was heartbreaking.

Maybe people who have lived through the war and rationing have that overwhelming feeling that it might "happen again". I also think that a part of it is a need/desire to prove how fiercely independent and resourceful a person is, particularly in older age. Some sort of determination to cope.

But it would drive me nuts, I know. There is nothing I'd want more for my parents when they are older than for them to enjoy the resources they have set aside to the full.

Margaretclare makes a really good point - Paul's dad HAS laid out the money for his ticket and it's such a waste of funds if he doesn't use it...

Primrose

I wonder if, although he says it's a money extravagance issue, actually something completely different and that is a self confidence thing. Could he actually be internally scared of summoning a taxi and issuing somebody else, ie another worker, with an order to perform a transaction for him?

If he has never been in a position of authority in his working life and sees himself as "working class" it could feel a very alien thing for him to be doing. Explain to him that it's really no different to employing a painter or decorator or plumber or electrician to perform a task for payment.

I have a feeling there is a reverse "class" issue hidden away in here somewhere where he's not admitting that he doesn't feel comfortable issuing an instruction to somebody of his own working class. It's a shame because he's missiing out on real pleasure and wasting season ticket money into the bargain. Could he get somebody to go along with him in a taxi for the first couple of times then it wouldn't feel such an alien experience. Maybe it,s the process of tipping the driver that is freaking him out?

BillTrac

Nothing to do with extravagance. I don't need to penny-pinch but if he's like me he will detest paying good money to cab companies here who employ a crap driver who can't speak our language and doesn't know where the !!!! he's going. :mad: