Someone please explain this "not ever using taxi ever ever" thing to me

melanzana

I hope I am not upsetting any poster here, but sometimes early stage dementia can lead to an obsession about money. Or perceived lack of it, or inability to organise it.

I know that happened with my MIL, and it was quite trying. She could afford anything she wanted but would not spend a penny on anything to make her happy. We stepped in. Glad to, but it was so annoying, until she was diagnosed.

Lightbulb moment.

Armchair23

There've been so many threads similar to this a lot of us must be struggling to get to grips with this issue.

Yes it is insanely frustrating to have an aged P refuse to do something that is simple, cost effective and fun for them.

But in the end you have to let it go, do what you can as and when you are willing and able. After that there's little you can do.

My Mum has never taken a taxi in her life. Firstly that's throwing away good money, secondly how do you go about it ?
Do you sit in the back or the front, do you tip, do you wait for someone to open the door, do you talk ?

All easy to us as a younger (not that much!) generation but sometimes a big leap for an older person if it's out of their comfort zone.

Dad might put it forward as a money issue but maybe it's just very worrying to him.

Maybe when you have the time you could turn up to his house, book a taxi and go off to the cricket together. If he still refuses afterwards you'll at least know you've done your best.

I know for my Mum spare cash was so hard to find in the past that she just won't spend anything if she can avoid it. I daresay your Dad thinks every pound he doesn't spend is one that he can leave to you and yours.

Hope you find a way to make him and you happy at the same time-the holy grail !

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I suspect he wants to guilt trip you into taking him. Assuming it's not because he feels insecure because he can't see much.

Cataract waiting times are almost always extremely low because they're so simple, by the way. It wouldn't surprise me if he were offered an appointment for the procedure within 6 weeks at his hospital appointment.


And refused it.

Mr_Toad

[quote=[Deleted User];discussion/5267146]Certain family member again who I discuss on here quite a lot. Another disagreement this weekend and to be fair, I just don't get his thinking... Please someone explain because hes driving me up the wall!

So Dad enjoys watching cricket and got a season ticket for the local county team. Bus ride away (hes got free bus pass) but it is a bit of a walk from the bus stop and he has trouble walking.

So this weekend he says, hes been stuck in this week, he'd like to go to the cricket next week because otherwise hes stuck in all week again And he hasn't used his season ticket all year and its been a waste of money.

So I tell him there's a game next week why doesn't he go (Im in work unfortunately). So then I get well I cant walk from the bus.

Dad - Get a taxi it'll cost about £10 total both ways and you'll get to go then.

Dad- Nope. I don't pay for taxis. Don't worry I'll stay home and watch TV or something. I'll be fine.

10 mins earlier hes telling me how hes got £300 in the house because its left over from his pension for the past few weeks and he hasn't spent it!

Is it me or this attitude just nuts?

Not suggesting he gets a taxi everywhere but to just spent £10 on a day out is hardly excessive is it?[/QUOTE]

I can sort of understand his position on taxis.

I rarely use them socially. If going out I'd rather drive and not drink, it's the company and/or the event that's important to me. My position doesn't always make sense to me, it isn't financially motivated, I can well afford taxis and I don't mind spending money.

I have friends who would not out if they have to drive and not drink. For them it isn't a night out if they can't have a drink so a taxi is essential.

For some they are an essential part of life, for others they are something only the wealthy or extravagant use, the bus is for ordinary folk but bus services aren't what they were but these people seem unable to adjust their attitude as it's so ingrained for whatever reason.

[Deleted User]

spendingmad wrote: »

Would a mobility scooter help the situation? Either a small one which could go on the bus or a larger one with a larger range which he could 'drive' to the cricket club and back?

Now theres an idea....

[Deleted User]

Ames wrote: »

I don't know how much a season ticket costs, but could you work out how much each game works out at? Maybe the horror of losing x amount will be stronger than the reluctance to pay for a taxi?

£150 a year it costs. He always moans about it and spends weeks deciding whether to get one or not. I point out that it'd cost him more to go and see manchester united just once!

BUT I mentioned going away once a year to watch the game. Got to have a season ticket for this to get in the members area - which he likes or there is no proper seating. So we couldnt go really.

[Deleted User]

BigAunty wrote: »

One phrase that comes to mind is that some people prefer the familiarity of their suffering rather than changing it.

He'd much rather dispense with the social event than change his stance on 'I never pay for taxis'. He's painted himself into a corner and just can't make the break from the philosophy that taxi fares are a waste of money - that means more to him than one of his interests, that's his priority.

Great way to describe it and I think spot on. He'd be annoyed at himself for even spending a pound on a taxi I think.

I pay for an accountant every month. £100 it costs me. I run my own business so pretty much have to do this - its the way it works. He is CONSTANTLY going on about how I shouldnt be paying for "things like this" and "people like us don't pay for things like that". Mind you he also keeps going on about how it'd be "safer and better" if I got a proper job "like everyone else"

[Deleted User]

Mojisola wrote: »

Having seen the other threads by Paul, I think his father just expects other people to give their time so that he doesn't have to spend his money.

Yep apparently my time and petrol is free in his head.

[Deleted User]

melanzana wrote: »

I hope I am not upsetting any poster here, but sometimes early stage dementia can lead to an obsession about money. Or perceived lack of it, or inability to organise it.

I know that happened with my MIL, and it was quite trying. She could afford anything she wanted but would not spend a penny on anything to make her happy. We stepped in. Glad to, but it was so annoying, until she was diagnosed.

Lightbulb moment.

Hes been like this for 25 years pretty much lol.

margaretclare

BigAunty wrote: »

One phrase that comes to mind is that some people prefer the familiarity of their suffering rather than changing it.

He'd much rather dispense with the social event than change his stance on 'I never pay for taxis'. He's painted himself into a corner and just can't make the break from the philosophy that taxi fares are a waste of money - that means more to him than one of his interests, that's his priority.

This makes sense.

Paul's Dad has a most peculiar mindset, and it can't all be written off as 'down to his age'. We're not all like that!

If he's talking about 'waste of money' doesn't he realise that the season ticket to the cricket club is a huge waste of money if he never makes the effort to get there?