Someone please explain this "not ever using taxi ever ever" thing to me

duchy

Marmaduke123 wrote: »

Perhaps he's worried about the practical difficulties of getting back? Maybe easy to get a taxi there, less so back, and he can't walk to the bus. I'm assuming he doesn't use a mobile phone!

Maybe that's the compromise -If the Dad can ge a cab there and the OP or another family member can pick him up as it is likely to finish after normal working hours.

(I wouldn't assume all elderly people don't have mobiles though )

[Deleted User]

duchy wrote: »

What needs explaining ?

Your Dad has made the decision that a taxi is an extravagence he doesn't "do". His money, his choice. You've chosen not to take time off to make it possible for him so you've each put a value on how important the match is to him.

How much money he has in the house has nothing to do with it.
In his head a taxi isn't an option , maybe he feels taxis are only for emergencies not leisure pastimes, maybe he feels he shouldn't need a cab when he has children with cars. Presumably you know why he doesn't think a taxi is appropriate for himfar better than any poster here.

Ultimately he's a grown up -he decides how he spends his money. Just like you do and would you expect him to tell you "you can afford it" when you think something would be too much of an extravagance so wouldn't want to spend money on whatever it is?

Perhaps though it isn't about the taxi fare at all but the fact you've not seen him and he'd like you to take him places when you *aren't* working ?

LOL. He takes every opportunity to tell me how much money I waste dont worry. I do contract work so no work = no pay. Obviouslty I get paid than a permie so you just factor this in.

Means I do take my kids on hols and I dont get paid whilst I am on hols. Thats the way it is. Hes constantly on my back saying I should stay in work and not take a holiday.......

Yes of course up to him. I just dont understand it at all.

I do see him. Taking him away for the weekend soon to watch the cricket. BUT even by his rationale of not taking time off its a but much to expect me to save him £10 and lose MANY more times this by not working.

But if I paid also he'd go mad.

duchy

Sometimes it isn't worth the energy of trying to work out why someone sees things so differently to the way you do - and just shrug and say "That's just the way it is" and accept you can't change decades of a certain mindset

Try the compromise. He might even feel he can manage the walk when he's fresh but not relish it or be up to it at the end of the day ? Most matches end pretty late this time of year so maybe you could pick him up if not take him ?

If he still says no then at least you know you've tried .

I learned years ago not to argue with elderly relatives (my Dad was the youngest by a long way of a very large family so his siblings were closer to grandparent than aunt and uncle age to me and all very stubborn and opinuated) but to suggest an alternative and leave it. It was surprising how often a few weeks later they'd present my suggestion as their own idea LOL


[quote=[Deleted User];68640003]LOL. He takes every opportunity to tell me how much money I waste dont worry. I do contract work so no work = no pay. Obviouslty I get paid than a permie so you just factor this in.

Means I do take my kids on hols and I dont get paid whilst I am on hols. Thats the way it is. Hes constantly on my back saying I should stay in work and not take a holiday.......

Yes of course up to him. I just dont understand it at all.

I do see him. Taking him away for the weekend soon to watch the cricket. BUT even by his rationale of not taking time off its a but much to expect me to save him £10 and lose MANY more times this by not working.

But if I paid also he'd go mad.[/QUOTE]

[Deleted User]

duchy wrote: »

The OP doesn't need to "deal" with it - or be rude to his Father. He has suggested a solution and it was declined. Just because the OP thinks his Dad should get a cab doesn't mean he must -He's already said he doesn't want to get a cab -so has decided not to go. His choice -and the OP should wind his neck in. He has done the right thing in suggesting an alternative which was declined. Not sure why this is such a problem to the OP unless he is annoyed that his idea was rejected- but his Dad is more than entitled to make his own decisions and not be bossed around by his son.

Some elderly parents seem to have very bossy and controlling kids it seems The OP has already noted he's always having issues with his Father's decisions - perhaps the problem is the OP not the Father !

BUT I get the moaning that hes stuck in the house ALL the time.

Its not just these things. I could go all day listing things where he'd rather save 10p and sit in squalor and discomfort.

Its hard to see a family member rack up the savings like monopoly money when theres no need to.

Mojisola

[quote=[Deleted User];68640100]BUT I get the moaning that hes stuck in the house ALL the time.

Its not just these things. I could go all day listing things where he'd rather save 10p and sit in squalor and discomfort.

Its hard to see a family member rack up the savings like monopoly money when theres no need to.[/QUOTE]

It's extremely frustrating to deal with someone like your Dad.

Every time he started moaning, I would say something like - well, it's your choice. Either you spend a bit of money on a taxi (or whatever is relevant to the moan) or put up with things as they are.

Then change the subject.

He's an adult and is choosing to live the way he does. Being a adult means he has to accept responsibility for the outcome of his choices.

duchy

It's the old story

"You can't change what someone does but you can change how you react to it"

If he's just moaning for the sake of it rather than is genuinely unhappy - just let it wash over you and tell yourself it's his hobby and stop taking it personally .

As for savings - none of your business really -If he has always been like that he's not going to change now so save your energy for things you *can* change. Pick your battles and avoid the lost causes


[quote=[Deleted User];68640100]BUT I get the moaning that hes stuck in the house ALL the time.

Its not just these things. I could go all day listing things where he'd rather save 10p and sit in squalor and discomfort.

Its hard to see a family member rack up the savings like monopoly money when theres no need to.[/QUOTE]

Marmaduke123

[quote=[Deleted User];68640100]BUT I get the moaning that hes stuck in the house ALL the time.

Its not just these things. I could go all day listing things where he'd rather save 10p and sit in squalor and discomfort.

Its hard to see a family member rack up the savings like monopoly money when theres no need to.[/QUOTE]

Try to take a step back from these things you find so incomprehensible. I don't think it will be much use trying to get your dad to do things he's decided not to do, or spend money he doesn't want to spend. Maybe just offer a suggestion, don't argue with him about it, and let the moaning wash over you as best you can.

missbiggles1

By the way, has he had his cataract operation yet and, if so, how did it (and the aftercare) go?

[Deleted User]

missbiggles1 wrote: »

By the way, has he had his cataract operation yet and, if so, how did it (and the aftercare) go?

Still ongoing. Waiting to hear from the NHS how long hes going to have to wait.

Just about convinced him to at least pay for a private consult to get some info (as usual in the hospital they just confused him). Hes got an insurance policy to pay for this so might as well.

In terms of going private, hes now decided he'd rather be blind and wait for the NHS because hes paid tax all his life and he doesn't see why he should have to pay now. Up to him of course.

What he hasn't thought about is how hes going to manage on his own being blind if it comes to that. But there we go - that's normal. At least hes got money in the bank as far as hes concerned.

DiamondLil

[quote=[Deleted User];68640100]Its not just these things. I could go all day listing things where he'd rather save 10p and sit in squalor and discomfort.

Its hard to see a family member rack up the savings like monopoly money when theres no need to.[/QUOTE]

Sometimes I wonder if it's an age thing - my father in law slept on a mattress stuffed with old curtains because it was so old it had sunk in the middle down to the bed base and the springs were poking through; but he had thousands in the bank.....
(We didn't know about the mattress until after he'd died and we were clearing the house).

My mother was similarly unwilling/unable to spend.