Someone please explain this "not ever using taxi ever ever" thing to me

[Deleted User]

Certain family member again who I discuss on here quite a lot. Another disagreement this weekend and to be fair, I just don't get his thinking... Please someone explain because hes driving me up the wall!

So Dad enjoys watching cricket and got a season ticket for the local county team. Bus ride away (hes got free bus pass) but it is a bit of a walk from the bus stop and he has trouble walking.

So this weekend he says, hes been stuck in this week, he'd like to go to the cricket next week because otherwise hes stuck in all week again And he hasn't used his season ticket all year and its been a waste of money.

So I tell him there's a game next week why doesn't he go (Im in work unfortunately). So then I get well I cant walk from the bus.

Dad - Get a taxi it'll cost about £10 total both ways and you'll get to go then.

Dad- Nope. I don't pay for taxis. Don't worry I'll stay home and watch TV or something. I'll be fine.

10 mins earlier hes telling me how hes got £300 in the house because its left over from his pension for the past few weeks and he hasn't spent it!

Is it me or this attitude just nuts?

Not suggesting he gets a taxi everywhere but to just spent £10 on a day out is hardly excessive is it?

HappyMJ

In my area it's cheaper to travel using a private hire vehicle for short distances than it is by bus and it's so much more convenient and much faster. Your dad though has a free bus pass so anything will be too expensive. Look at private hire firms in the area he's travelling that's usually a lot cheaper than a taxi. Pay the fare for him...yes he's got £300 under the mattress but just pay the £10 and he might not complain as much.

heartbreak_star

I think you're in the right - £10 for a day out is not unreasonable.

HBS x

duchy

What needs explaining ?

Your Dad has made the decision that a taxi is an extravagence he doesn't "do". His money, his choice. You've chosen not to take time off to make it possible for him so you've each put a value on how important the match is to him.

How much money he has in the house has nothing to do with it.
In his head a taxi isn't an option , maybe he feels taxis are only for emergencies not leisure pastimes, maybe he feels he shouldn't need a cab when he has children with cars. Presumably you know why he doesn't think a taxi is appropriate for himfar better than any poster here.

Ultimately he's a grown up -he decides how he spends his money. Just like you do and would you expect him to tell you "you can afford it" when you think something would be too much of an extravagance so wouldn't want to spend money on whatever it is?

Perhaps though it isn't about the taxi fare at all but the fact you've not seen him and he'd like you to take him places when you *aren't* working ?

missbiggles1

My parents were just like this, taxis were luxuries that were only used for very special occasions, not for normal life.

It's not even a generational thing either, before I learned to drive at the age of 50, I took taxis quite often and lots of people thought this was really extravagant. If I'd run a car at the time it would've cost enormously more money but they'd've considered that perfectly normal.

Flyonthewall

Just because he's got the money doesn't mean he wants to spend it. Maybe he likes having money saved or is planning on using it for something else. Plus £10 when he can usually travel free is a lot and taxis are more expensive now than they used to be.

Perhaps it's not even about the money. He may find it hard to walk, but maybe he has always liked the walk. Maybe he likes the freedom of being able to walk and catch a bus. Perhaps he feels that getting a taxi makes him seem old and useless as someone has to come and pick him up at his door because he can't even manage to get to a bus stop now.

Pollycat

I think the only person who can explain this is your Father.

And if he won't take a taxi but complains about not getting out, just say 'I'm not listening because it's within your control to go out but you won't use a taxi so put up with it and don't moan to me'.

Maybe he's just one of those people who just likes to moan...

I used to get this from my Mother 'I never go out' but she had lots of offers and opportunities. She just wanted to moan and have people feel sorry for her.
So I just told her it was within her control and changed the subject whenver she started..
She now goes out quite a lot.

Maybe it's not your Father who needs to change but you in how you deal with him.

duchy

My Mum never learnt to drive so if she was shopping when my Dad was at work she'd get a cab home - but many of her generation saw it as very extravagant so I grew up seeing taxis as "normal" but plenty of my friends didn't . I live very close to good transport links and like Miss B found a cab now and again as more economical than running a car . When we were moving house my fiance wanted to buy a second car for me -I told him not to bother- Two years down the line we still share a car and have never been seriously put out by not having one. Once in a blue moon we need it for different things at the same time but it has never stopped us doing anything we've wanted /needed to do.

A car often isn't the essential or best option for everyone- Throw in a free bus pass and a timetable and for many even a five pound taxi fare can be considered an extravagance by some.

(Even with a car I'll still sometimes hop on a bus or a train rather than deal with heavy town centre traffic and the faff and expense of parking )

Pennywise

Sounds like the usual emotional blackmail favoured by the older generation!

Marmaduke123

Perhaps he's worried about the practical difficulties of getting back? Maybe easy to get a taxi there, less so back, and he can't walk to the bus. I'm assuming he doesn't use a mobile phone!

duchy

Pollycat wrote: »

And if he won't take a taxi but complains about not getting out, just say 'I'm not listening because it's within your control to go out but you won't use a taxi so put up with it and don't moan to me'.

.

Maybe it's not your Father who needs to change but you in how you deal with him.

The OP doesn't need to "deal" with it - or be rude to his Father. He has suggested a solution and it was declined. Just because the OP thinks his Dad should get a cab doesn't mean he must -He's already said he doesn't want to get a cab -so has decided not to go. His choice -and the OP should wind his neck in. He has done the right thing in suggesting an alternative which was declined. Not sure why this is such a problem to the OP unless he is annoyed that his idea was rejected- but his Dad is more than entitled to make his own decisions and not be bossed around by his son.

Some elderly parents seem to have very bossy and controlling kids it seems The OP has already noted he's always having issues with his Father's decisions - perhaps the problem is the OP not the Father !