Someone please explain this "not ever using taxi ever ever" thing to me

thorsoak

[quote=[Deleted User];68699774]..............

Ironic thing is his mother was a nightmare before she went. Constantly expecting him to do things etc. He often keeps going on saying I hope I never get like that. Ummmmmmm :-([/QUOTE]

Well just TELL HIM that no, he's not like his mother - he is worse!

heartbreak_star

thorsoak wrote: »

Well just TELL HIM that no, he's not like his mother - he is worse!

This. I have told Mum more than once she's getting like Nan, and it always makes her check herself


HBS x

Mojisola

heartbreak_star wrote: »

This. I have told Mum more than once she's getting like Nan, and it always makes her check herself

We've given our kids permission to pull us up on things if we start doing or saying things that made life difficult when we were caring for our parents.

[Deleted User]

Mojisola wrote: »

We've given our kids permission to pull us up on things if we start doing or saying things that made life difficult when we were caring for our parents.

Funnily enough he says that too. Except when I do he gets funny about it like he doesnt want to hear the truthful answer.

margaretclare

Paul, I agree with what someone else said earlier in the thread. Your Dad is as he is. You are not going to win no matter what you do. You are not going to change him. It has little or nothing to do with his age, social class, any other irrelevancies you can name. He is how he is. Whatever made him like that can only be guessed at. But he's not going to change now, simply because he sees no need to. As you yourself said, he thinks he's right. There is no arguing with someone of that mindset. To change, a person has to want to change. There is not a sliver of doubt, his mind is made up and it's rock-solid. I feel sorry for you, but there it is.

HB58

I would like to thank the poster who, a few pages ago, mentioned the possibility of dementia. I might not be relevant to the OP but it certainly was a lightbulb moment for me. I'm taking mum to see her GP next week and have written ahead to say that I am worried about her mental state. This has given me another piece of the puzzle, thank you.

Armchair23

You know, you have choices and when you don't make them that's not anybody's fault but your own.

If your relationship with your Dad is that awful and you don't want to do that any more you can stop right now. Change your number or block the calls, your choice.

If you want to be in touch with your Dad but on your terms you can try it out and see how it goes. You will ring X times a week/month you will do this thing but not another. You are a grown up and even if it's difficult decision it's your's to make.

I don't think it helps to come on here and just whinge. We all have someone who we find difficult in our lives , you live with it or you change your response. Us endlessly going ooh dear isn't helping is it.

You are still stuck and unhappy

I would have to say this has been written by a woman who is so hot that I'm surprised I haven't just self combusted. It may have been a kinder response on a different day.

But the core of my thought is still there - you don't have to do this if you don't choose to.

You may just have to work that out for yourself.

System

If your relationship with your Dad is that awful and you don't want to do that any more you can stop right now. Change your number or block the calls, your choice.

Or you can just start saying no.

RuthnJasper

[quote=[Deleted User];68699017]Agree mainly. But Im not at the point yet where I cut him off - can't do that.

BUT at times, he is a huge problem, which is why I ask for advice on here. OK maybe I rant a bit too.[/QUOTE]

Personally I would be scaling down to one call per week, to see how he is. I would not put up with the constant and repetitious carping.

My own dad is by no means as bad but he is starting to become a bit of a fretful complainer. I will deal with it as gently as I can, whenever I can. I don't want it to drag my mum down...

I know he's elderly and your dad Paul, but if he's having a pop at your wife and children as well (at Christmas too!!!), then enough's enough.

Mojisola

Armchair23 wrote: »

If you want to be in touch with your Dad but on your terms you can try it out and see how it goes. You will ring X times a week/month you will do this thing but not another. Y

I would have some stock phrases handy - "Well, if that's what you want to do, okay", "That's your choice/your decision", etc.

So when he says he can't get to the cricket because he won't use a taxi - "If you prefer to miss the cricket rather than pay for a taxi, that's your decision" and then change the subject.

Keep verbalising that it's his own choices and decisions and maybe it will sink in that there is another way.