Someone please explain this "not ever using taxi ever ever" thing to me

Pollycat

[quote=[Deleted User];68692507]Those of you telling me to leave him alone and let him make his own choices - let me tell you about another of his habits.

He seems to think that hes got to 2nd guess and comment on everything I do. Everything. He is constantly going on about me being self-employed and that I should get a proper job "to be on the safe side". Bearing in mind he worked in a factory job he hated for 40 years. To be on the safe side is a fav of his.

So no work = no pay for me. So hes constantly on my case that I shouldn't take holidays EVER. And don't get me started on the way he criticises my spending.

Worse still he seems to think that I should be telling my wife what she can do as well! Shes got a classic mini which to be fair is rarely used - its a spare car - doesn't stop him constantly telling me to tell her shes got to sell it!

Last xmas it all came to a head on xmas day. He kicks off telling us how stupid and idiotic we are to spend so much on our kids! Wife was really upset that he said this.

Anyway, we just came back from glastonbury. Wife is ill and struggles to walk. So hes off now - I should tell her not to be so stupid and dont go again because shes ill. Jeez. Im going to have to have a word so that he doesn't say this to her face I can see!

In the past, I've had a quiet word but its fallen on deaf ears. His answer is always - well you know me I've got to say something, I can't keep quiet. YES YOU CAN - Im 40 odd years old been married 20 years.

Any suggestions?[/QUOTE]
No suggestions from me but I do wonder why you put up with it.

And don't say 'because he's my Dad'.

[Deleted User]

Primrose wrote: »

I wonder if, although he says it's a money extravagance issue, actually something completely different and that is a self confidence thing. Could he actually be internally scared of summoning a taxi and issuing somebody else, ie another worker, with an order to perform a transaction for him?

If he has never been in a position of authority in his working life and sees himself as "working class" it could feel a very alien thing for him to be doing. Explain to him that it's really no different to employing a painter or decorator or plumber or electrician to perform a task for payment.

I have a feeling there is a reverse "class" issue hidden away in here somewhere where he's not admitting that he doesn't feel comfortable issuing an instruction to somebody of his own working class. It's a shame because he's missiing out on real pleasure and wasting season ticket money into the bargain. Could he get somebody to go along with him in a taxi for the first couple of times then it wouldn't feel such an alien experience. Maybe it,s the process of tipping the driver that is freaking him out?

Yes part of it is he sees himself as working class and certain things are not for the likes of him. Even me apparently - Im born into it and not allowed to have bigger ideas. Hes horrified I pay an accountant.... Not right he says

[Deleted User]

cbrown372 wrote: »

To be honest you sound like two peas in a pod, father drones on to you, and you drone on to users here.

Well dont read this thread on - nobody forcing you.

[Deleted User]

Pollycat wrote: »

No suggestions from me but I do wonder why you put up with it.

And don't say 'because he's my Dad'.

We have had words in the past about his attitude that he can say what he likes especially to other people. I mostly ignore him or don't tell him things but I have told him that if he is not willing to keep his opinions to himself then hes not welcome on xmas day.

Harsh maybe but something had to get into his head that poking his nose into something that, at the end of the day, was none of his business and coming up with nasty comments was not going to continue.

He still harps on to me which like I said, I ignore most of the time, unless he gets too much.

tomtontom

cbrown372 wrote: »

To be honest you sound like two peas in a pod, father drones on to you, and you drone on to users here.

This, a hundred times over! Honestly OP, have you heard yourself? Take a step back and look through some of your many threads and see how negative and critical you are. You're no different from your father, you're just too stubborn to see it.

Pollycat

[quote=[Deleted User];68693092]We have had words in the past about his attitude that he can say what he likes especially to other people. I mostly ignore him or don't tell him things but I have told him that if he is not willing to keep his opinions to himself then hes not welcome on xmas day.

Harsh maybe but something had to get into his head that poking his nose into something that, at the end of the day, was none of his business and coming up with nasty comments was not going to continue.

He still harps on to me which like I said, I ignore most of the time, unless he gets too much.[/QUOTE]
Instead of ignoring him, why don't you tell him that his opinions are not welcome.

You are enabling him to continue criticising your, your wife and your lifestyle.

[Deleted User]

tomtontom wrote: »

This, a hundred times over! Honestly OP, have you heard yourself? Take a step back and look through some of your many threads and see how negative and critical you are. You're no different from your father, you're just too stubborn to see it.

OMG I've heard it all now! Pot kettle black.

Lets just get one thing straight. Order of importance of opinions to me:-

1) Friend and family
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.
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22) My Cat
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.
.
.
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1003) Random strangers on an internet forum who like to have a dig.

[Deleted User]

Pollycat wrote: »

Instead of ignoring him, why don't you tell him that his opinions are not welcome.

You are enabling him to continue criticising your, your wife and your lifestyle.

Tried and tried and tried and tried.

His attitude is hes old, and thats what hes like, and hes got to have his say.

Brother gets it worse than I do. To be fair, brother has done some stupid things in the past, and made some really poor choices but just get on with it. Hes a grown adult in his 40s too.

I've tried to tell Dad when he says he can't get hold of my brother for weeks on end. Hes avoiding you because you wouldnt keep out of his business AGAIN. Leave it alone and let him get on with it.

heartbreak_star

Nan was like that bless her, to the extent of commenting loudly about random people in the street...


HBS x

74jax

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Nan was like that bless her, to the extent of commenting loudly about random people in the street...


HBS x

Sorry that mad me laugh out loud.

I was wheeling mum in her chair to see Dad in hospital, we were passing wards and mum pipes up 'well no one in here looks well, do they. You're dad better look a bit more sprightly'

She has no sence of what she's saying or how loud. She had a stroke and there's only so much you can blame on the stroke.... she was like that beforehand too.