Someone please explain this "not ever using taxi ever ever" thing to me

Pollycat

duchy wrote: »

It's the old story

"You can't change what someone does but you can change how you react to it"

If he's just moaning for the sake of it rather than is genuinely unhappy - just let it wash over you and tell yourself it's his hobby and stop taking it personally .

duchy wrote: »

The OP doesn't need to "deal" with it - or be rude to his Father. He has suggested a solution and it was declined. Just because the OP thinks his Dad should get a cab doesn't mean he must -He's already said he doesn't want to get a cab -so has decided not to go. His choice -and the OP should wind his neck in. He has done the right thing in suggesting an alternative which was declined. Not sure why this is such a problem to the OP unless he is annoyed that his idea was rejected- but his Dad is more than entitled to make his own decisions and not be bossed around by his son.

Some elderly parents seem to have very bossy and controlling kids it seems The OP has already noted he's always having issues with his Father's decisions - perhaps the problem is the OP not the Father !

Erm - isn't that what I said here?:

Pollycat wrote: »

And if he won't take a taxi but complains about not getting out, just say 'I'm not listening because it's within your control to go out but you won't use a taxi so put up with it and don't moan to me'.

And I also pointed out that maybe the problem was with the OP rather than his father.

Who said anything about being rude?
You might think what I said below was rude, but I know my mother and know what works with her.

Pollycat wrote: »

I used to get this from my Mother 'I never go out' but she had lots of offers and opportunities. She just wanted to moan and have people feel sorry for her.
So I just told her it was within her control and changed the subject whenver she started..
She now goes out quite a lot.

I'm not bossy and controlling with my Mother - I'm not sure who that comment was aimed at - but I have better things to do than listening to her drone on about 'stuff' when she has the ability and money to change them herself.

Beckyy

Are there any local bus services for over 65's which you can book for outings. We have one which people can book in advance for a donation, far cheaper than a taxi and maybe would feel different despite still being chargeable?

amistupid

The only time my dad will pay for being carried in the back of a vehicle is at his funeral.

spendingmad

Would a mobility scooter help the situation? Either a small one which could go on the bus or a larger one with a larger range which he could 'drive' to the cricket club and back?

z.n

Could you ask the local team if there is any 'free taxi' service ie a slightly younger person who could give him a lift? As a long term regular supporter there may even be someone virtually next door who could take him.

And it does sound like it could be mobility scooter time- just for getting to the local shop for a paper etc anyway.

Or box clever and arrange for 'five free journeys' voucher with a local reputable firm- he doesn't need to know you are paying. Needs must! By the time he has used their service and got used to 'his' driver he might be less resistant. It may not be just an issue about money- it is acknowledging a step along the road to increased dependence. He might also be worried about being rushed along by a busy taxi driver or let down on the return trip and being stranded. No point getting bogged down in endless argument- just make it as easy as possible. Maybe you could arrange a taxi to take together to get the ball rolling. Could you use the cataract op as a reason to find a decent taxi locally- as part of the preparations for getting his eye done?

Also, casually mention your experience of getting taxis/other people getting taxis in conversation- and keep doing it until it becomes normalised. Don't make it 'just get a cab Dad' as that is a bit confrontational. More along the lines 'saw x the other day just getting out of a cab at Tesco- she said it was very convenient.' Then leave it to settle. I find that repeating something gets through eventually- can take a few weeks though. Like an earlier poster, things come back as their own idea.

Ames

I don't know how much a season ticket costs, but could you work out how much each game works out at? Maybe the horror of losing x amount will be stronger than the reluctance to pay for a taxi?

RuthnJasper

[quote=[Deleted User];68640100]BUT I get the moaning that hes stuck in the house ALL the time.

Its not just these things. I could go all day listing things where he'd rather save 10p and sit in squalor and discomfort.

Its hard to see a family member rack up the savings like monopoly money when theres no need to.[/QUOTE]

I would do exactly as Mojisola suggests - brief reply along the lines of "Well, we've been over this many times in the past - it's your own choice to deny yourself opportunities; you can easily afford it." and then move on.

You have my sincere sympathies; I can 100% understand how much this grates on the patience. But it's not worth a bust-up over. Stay strong. Are there any friends/acquaintenances who also go to the cricket? Maybe they could share a taxi?

All the best!

BigAunty

One phrase that comes to mind is that some people prefer the familiarity of their suffering rather than changing it.

He'd much rather dispense with the social event than change his stance on 'I never pay for taxis'. He's painted himself into a corner and just can't make the break from the philosophy that taxi fares are a waste of money - that means more to him than one of his interests, that's his priority.

CathA

My friend's father lived in a flat nearby, his daughter had emigrated to Australia. He went over there once, had a great time and was planning to go again. However, he said he couldn't afford it, was going to have to start living on cat food, wasn't coping with the housework but couldn't afford a cleaner etc etc.

Moving on from there, when he died he had over £40,000 in the bank, no debts or credit cards. My friend and I cleaned his flat prior to it being sold; the bathroom was indescribable and there was mouse droppings in the cupboards, and don't even think about the cooker!

I think a lot of it is their age, (he was over 80 when he died) as they are of the generation that doesn't think it's their 'place' in life to employ others to do jobs they can do themselves. Also, they're of the mentality when it comes to money that they can't spend it 'just in case'. Of case of what, no-one knows!

The only thing to do is try and let it wash over you, he's not going to spend his money on taxis if he doesn't want to, that's his choice. I expect a lot of it is he's wanting to leave an inheritance for his family. My mum wanted to move to Bournemouth but was worried how much it would cost, also how I would manage with the children as she used to help a lot in the school holidays. Many times I told her to go and I would manage; after all the kids were my responsibility although I was very grateful for her help. I told her if she was dead I'd have to manage!! Harsh, perhaps but true. Anyway, she never moved to Bournemouth, the girls are now grown up with families of their own and my mum died 7 years ago, never having her dream of living by the sea.

Sometimes you can't help those that won't help themselves. Good luck.

Mojisola

CathA wrote: »

I think a lot of it is their age, (he was over 80 when he died) as they are of the generation that doesn't think it's their 'place' in life to employ others to do jobs they can do themselves. Also, they're of the mentality when it comes to money that they can't spend it 'just in case'. Of case of what, no-one knows!

Having seen the other threads by Paul, I think his father just expects other people to give their time so that he doesn't have to spend his money.