I am in a mess and don't know what to do

Primula

uselessnow wrote: »

I do cook from scratch every day unless OH suggests a takeaway. I have lunch out one day a week as a treat when I escape being trapped in the house. Friends do now I am short of money but still suggest we go out. They never invite anyone round to their houses. I am looking for adding small amounts of cash to the cards but it is more difficult as our local bank has closed and I now have to drive a 10 mile round trip to pay money in. No longer have a cheque book so can't post payments to them

I know it is difficult, but was just a thought to try to save a few pennies! You could make the suggestion to friends if you like the idea - they might love to do it. Sometimes just a little change can make all the difference. It is hard I know.


Online banking is fab for making additional payments to credit cards etc. If you don't already do online payments it's really worth looking into as you can check your bank every day and chip away making additional payments.

[Deleted User]

We attempted meals at each other houses but neither can cook so I ended up always hosting for them. One of them works every day and the other works shifts. Both have children so they want a night out away from kids now and again.


As far as picnics out for me, I don't live anywhere near a park and with my health condition I need to be near facilities and seating and surrounded with people so that if I have a problem I can call out to someone.


I know these answers sound like excuses but this is the truth in the reason why I suggestions can't work.

[Deleted User]

I worked out my budgets yesterday afternoon. Things are going to be very tight. Basically only trips out are going to be to the supermarket, parents etc. No pleasure trips for me.


I will be tough few months, just hope my depression doesn't get worse.


Needs must!

jayII

Well done on working out your budgets, that's not an easy task.

I know it sounds a bit trite, but it can help to focus on what you can do, rather than on what you can't do, during tough times.

I wish you luck.

[Deleted User]

Thanks JayII


I always look on the negative of things because they I don't feel let down when things fail. I need to stop thinking that way. Maybe I need to keep a diary of my personal thoughts.

ShirePiskie

Can i ask, what kind of area do you live in - countryside, suburbia, village (I'm assuming not town/ city as you have no buses)?

Could you not take a five minute walk from your house in one direction, perhaps a route you don't usually take (turn left not right) and five minutes back each day? Or three minutes? Or two? Or walk on a different side of the road to usual? Or sit in a different corner of the garden and look at your house from a new angle? Do you have a digital camera/ camera phone? Make it a goal to photograph a new thing each day on a new route. This isn't really about being artistic, more being mindful of your surroundings but having a focus away from your everyday.

I know depression is a seamless egg and is so frustrating from those on the outside who probably want to shake you of it, but I know pulling yourself up by your bootstraps isn't that straight forward. Have you tried listening to podcasts on mindfulness/ relaxation?

For that matter, podcasts are great anyway. Available on every single subject and mostly free - absolutely perfect if you can't leave the house for health/ financial reasons. You don't need an iphone to listen to them, you can do it through your computer.

Easy for me to say, but you NEED to do at least one thing new, this isn't even about your financial position, but your mental health. Just try it, even if you don't think it's for you, or you 'know' it won't work. You haven't lost anything of you try any of the free suggestions that have been put forward, and you never know, you might be surprised, or it might trigger a thought to try something else.

As a stranger who only has your posts on here to go on, I would really strongly suggest going back to your GP about your depression, tell them you are struggling - you may thinking you're getting by, but it's clear from here you;re not, that you are finding it impossible to see a positive in everything - they may suggest medication, mental health exercises, CBT... who knows, but even if you are getting something from them now, you need more.

Your spending and need for a treat/ retail fix could well be linked to your mental health, get one a bit more on track, the other may follow.

:idea:

Here's a starter for you, before your reply with the reasons why you can't do any of these. I want to see you say and DO at least one thing that has been suggested (not by me, by anyone). Tell us, as you've chosen us to be part of this by posting here, what you are going to do, then do it, then report back! Go on!

fairy_lights

uselessnow wrote: »

Explained higher up in the posts as to why I am not telling him

You have explained why you don't want to tell him, but you need to realise that sooner or later he will find out.

randomer

nice post shire....spot on. "no...but...."

meer53

uselessnow wrote: »

I bought the underwear I always buy and know it will fit. It is worn now so won't be returned.

I go to Bravissimo to get measured then buy my underwear online. There are huge savings. Also M & S aren't the only lingerie retailer, all supermarkets now sell good underwear and Primark can't be beaten on price if you fit into a normal sized bra. My daughter gets bra's for £2 from Primark, knickers are £1 a pair, sometimes cheaper if you buy a multipack.

You need to make cuts in every area, they don't have to be permanent.

cte1111

Here are a couple of trial offers for Cross stitch magazines, remember to cancel after the first direct debit has gone out:

CrossStitcher 3 for £1 http://www.crossstitchermag.com/

Cross Stitch Collection 3 for £1 http://www.crossstitchcollection.com/