I am in a mess and don't know what to do

[Deleted User]

dancingfairy wrote: »

£75 (or whatever the amount was) is quite a lot to spend in a day, but it's easily done. Also we don't know how recently your situation has changed so it can take some time to adjust your mindset, now that things have changed.
Definitely try and get out as much as possible, whether it's volunteering, a craft club, going for a coffee somewhere (at a social club or council run activity, church activity rather than at a high street coffee house).
Libraries are a great a free source of books.
Your home life and medical illness sounds tough, is there anyone you can talk to about this? Any friends or family?
I have to go for now or I'll be late for work but think about this - due to your illness there will undoubtedly be many things you can't do, but focus on what you can do.
Stay positive.
df

I have known about my condition for approx. 10 years and nothing in life changed apart from being made redundant just as I was going through all the tests at the hospital. Three months since I had a major relapse which ended up with a major dash to hospital. It was very scary for all of us. I have slowly recovered but not completely. I have had to stop doing a lot of things as I have no energy.

I don't tell my parents much as they will worry and their health isn't the best. All close friends seem to have disappeared to be honest.

I have looked into charity shop volunteering and the nearest shop is 10 miles away, 20 mile return trip plus a days parking in council car park.

I meet up with mum every week for a craft afternoon at her house. Dad there to serve tea and coffee through the afternoon.


I miss not buying my sewing magazine as it was full of charts for me to stitch and make into birthday/Christmas cards. Now I only have a few old copies and I have stitched everything in them a few times.

lambda

How much is your sewing magazine?

I think if you draw up a proper budget, you could set a side a few pounds a month for a magazine and a coffee. £10 a month less is not going to make a huge difference. But it is going to make you feel better...

How's the budget coming along?

Willowpop

uselessnow wrote: »

I have known about my condition for approx. 10 years and nothing in life changed. Three months since I had a major relapse which ended up with a major dash to hospital. It was very scary for all of us. I have slowly recovered but not completely. I have had to stop doing a lot of things as I have no energy.

I don't tell my parents much as they will worry and their health isn't the best. All close friends seem to have disappeared to be honest.

.

Hiya, I've been reading your thread for a while now,a nd just wanted to offer a bit of sympathy/empathy, call it waht you will for your health. I have 2 auto immune conditions (aren't I the lucky one! :rotfl:) and I know how they can zap your energy. I've been diagnosed with severe AS for over 25 years, and with severe Crohn's for about 9 years now. I'm actually just recovering from some pretty heavy Crohn's surgury at the moment.
I'm not sure what you have, but I totally understand how they can be scary and isolating...and I don't tell my parents the half of it either, as I don't want to worry them....but you know what? We've got these conditions and we are strong enough to deal with them. We can either sit and sulk about having them, or be stronger than they are, and make them live with us, rather than suffering from the disease. SOmetimes easier said than done, I know...but there are often helplines out there or support groups for most auto immune diseases...facebook have some good groups, and sometimes it's nice to be in amongst people who do actually understand what you're going through. Depression is an easy state to get into as we can be quite debilitated at times, but keep on at your GP, make sure you see the specialist and MAKE them look after you properly. And remember, no matter how down you get about the condition, it'll still be there tomorrow. Beat it, show it how strong you are, and whilst the condition will still be there don't let it beat you.

Your local library will have sewing and craft books that you can borrow, they won't cost a penny and will give you some free patterns. ALso, often there are local clubs for sewing and craft etc...perhaps ask at the library if there are any held there?

Anyway, that's my tuppence worth. Keep that chin up. You're a fighter and stonger than whatever your daft immune system throws at you.

[Deleted User]

lambda wrote: »

How much is your sewing magazine?

I think if you draw up a proper budget, you could set a side a few pounds a month for a magazine and a coffee. £10 a month less is not going to make a huge difference. But it is going to make you feel better...

How's the budget coming along?

The magazine is £4.99 a month. I am keeping my eye out for the next time they had a subscription that is 5 issues for £5.


I didn't manage to do a budget yesterday. I will feeling groggy and fell asleep. Didn't fetch prescription or petrol. Must do that today when on my way to parents for lunch and crafting afternoon

painted_lady

I could have written the OP a couple of years ago. I have had a lifelong disability and health conditions which now severely impact my life, eventually I had to give up my well paid career, this all lead to a mental health breakdown with severe depresion, anxiety, feeling suicidal etc. This happened over a few years and I had around £20,000 debt and OH knew nothing about my financial difficulties. 2 - 3 years ago I was struggling to make the minimums as this was taking ALL of my income up. I couldnt tell anyone, including OH as I had got into the mess and was determined to get out of it. I had stopped spending but couldnt make any payments, didnt want a DMP or anything. Eventually I cracked under the pressure and ended up telling him, I honestly thought I was at my lowest and if he left me it wouldnt matter because I was already so bad. He didn't get angry, he was annoyed, but more than anything, he was annoyed that I hadnt told him rather than annoyed at the initial debt. He said he cant help me if I dont ask and if he isnt aware of the situation I am in. He said he thought I had some savings to explain my spending (I did have savings but it was when they ran out that I started piling it on the cards). The first thing he did was take over all the household bills so that I could focus on using all my income on repayments. He pays the minimums for me if I cant. More than anything, I find just being able to mention it or talk about it to him helps. 2 years on, I still have a lot of debt but I can see that it will end one day now. He is still paying household bills and I work from home for him one day a week if and when my health allows (he has his own business) and return for this. This means that I dont get bank fines anymore or companies chasing me/phoning me up, which helps a lot too. I also know that when I pay off the debt, I can celebrate with him. Huge debt is a massive thing and not being able to share the end party would be a shame. He has recently offered to pay off my debt in full to save me interest and I pay him back, but we are looking into whether this is possible with his savings and if he would be better reinvesting his savings into his business (potentially a £10,000 investment can increase his turnover by around £12,000 a year).
I am not saying you should tell him, I just wanted to share my positive story and say things can improve.

hohum

uselessnow wrote: »

I have known about my condition for approx. 10 years and nothing in life changed apart from being made redundant just as I was going through all the tests at the hospital. Three months since I had a major relapse which ended up with a major dash to hospital. It was very scary for all of us. I have slowly recovered but not completely. I have had to stop doing a lot of things as I have no energy.

I don't tell my parents much as they will worry and their health isn't the best. All close friends seem to have disappeared to be honest.

I have looked into charity shop volunteering and the nearest shop is 10 miles away, 20 mile return trip plus a days parking in council car park.

I meet up with mum every week for a craft afternoon at her house. Dad there to serve tea and coffee through the afternoon.


I miss not buying my sewing magazine as it was full of charts for me to stitch and make into birthday/Christmas cards. Now I only have a few old copies and I have stitched everything in them a few times.

if you're crafty there might be some nice drop in sessions near you that you can join as an addition to the sewing sessions with your Mum. This also has the bonus that you can share and swap patterns and craft kits. I am a member of a younger style WI and I have learnt loads from being part of it. However, you do have to pay membership (£34 a year) so initially I would recommend looking to see if you can find any free alternatives. We get people coming along to WI who have very similar circumstances to you and I think that they find it worthwhile.

My tip on finding a group is not to be afraid to try a few, they're all different and you're perfectly entitled to find one that suits you. Places that run groups near here are libraries, cafes, community centres, bars! Google stitching and craft clubs and your area.

My other tip for cheap craft supplies is keep a beady eye on freecycle/ freegle in your area. If you're not signed up it's easy but make sure you get the daily digest otherwise you will be flooded with emails! Round here people often put up bits of craft stash, old magazines etc. You could also put up a request for old copies of the magazine that you like to use.

Also, your library should have one or two craft books that will have some new projects in to work through.

Also online crafting forums can be a nice way of swapping info and projects if you don't post on any already?

I think that making things is a really good idea in helping with managing health conditions, it gives you purpose and achievement. Hopefully this might help you get hold of a few new projects to try and maybe see if you can expand your social circle a bit.

hohum

Oh and if you are stitcher, you know about the Embroiderers Guild? http://www.embroiderersguild.com/ they have local branches, my friend is a member of one

randomer

You are carrying a lot alone. The virtual world can offer some support but it would be good to talk to a human. Have you thought about looking into low cost therapy in your area?
Is there any sort of support group for folks with similar ill health.....could you start one....dead simple....coffee morning.

I take your point about the charity shop bring so far away.....something nearer home?

Please don't shout but feel you need to confide in your hubs. Although you have your reasons for not.

dancingfairy

From your original SOA it appears you have quite a bit 'spare' after paying your credit card minimums, some of this you will want to use to pay off the debts quicker, some for emergencies and some for leisure.
Some people can manage on here on bread and water and nothing else but most people will need some money to spend on bits and pieces to keep themselves sane. I don't see any reason why you shouldn't be able to afford your monthly magazine once a month.
You just can't afford new underwear(expensive) AND a handbag AND a craft magazine AND food out. You will need to be a little more selective about what is important to you but you can have some treats
df

[Deleted User]

dancingfairy wrote: »

From your original SOA it appears you have quite a bit 'spare' after paying your credit card minimums, some of this you will want to use to pay off the debts quicker, some for emergencies and some for leisure.
Some people can manage on here on bread and water and nothing else but most people will need some money to spend on bits and pieces to keep themselves sane. I don't see any reason why you shouldn't be able to afford your monthly magazine once a month.
You just can't afford new underwear(expensive) AND a handbag AND a craft magazine AND food out. You will need to be a little more selective about what is important to you but you can have some treats
df

The underwear was needed. All mine had either fell to pieces or didn't fit anymore after losing some weight. Mum has paid for some of it so that money has been put against the transaction on the credit card. I have wrapped the handbag as a gift for mum for xmas. The craft kits have been returned for a refund this morning.