I am in a mess and don't know what to do

rugbychick81

Someone once told me that if you keep doing what you have always done, you will get the results that you always got'. Unfortunately, to tackle that volume of debt on your income, you do need to make big changes. You say you can't move as you need to be near family for support. Let them support you! You need someone to help you.

meer53

I also said earlier that i don't think the OP has hit rock bottom yet. The post about her spending confirms this, although she did say she was ashamed about it. Not so ashamed that it stopped her though.

Head in sand and too many excuses make me feel that the OP will ignore all the advice given here so i'm out too.

ampersand

uselessnow wrote: »

With the spiteful comments I am receiving, I have decided that I don't need that sort of help.

I will go it alone from now on.

#
op - you have this luxury of choice in a democracy.
Have a think about people in places who do not.

On a personal and financial level, your 'choice' re: your debt reduction is illusory.

Your panic to deal with it is real, but your attitude is not.

No-one wishes you ill. No-one is being spiteful about you or your husband.
You are in great need of a genuine lightbulb moment.

It hasn't happened yet.

Please phone CAP, as per my signature - or any one of the FREE Debt help recommendations you have been given.
#
I wish all the posters who have tried to answer your plea for advice and guidance well.

Let us all hope any lurkers frightened of facing and beating their own debt may find some help here. MSE is here for you.

satchmo1

Sometimes posters think they've had their light bulb moment but they haven't. There's no need to get angry about that, anger doesn't do them or you any good.


Let's hope it's a troll. If it's a real person, let's hope they have their LBM soon, and accept help.


No-one ever promised it'd be easy.

[Deleted User]

FYI
I am not trolling. I am a middle age female who has to live day to day life with an Autoimmune illness. It is sole destroying. A side effect of the illness is Depression. Every day is a battle and will be until the day I die.

MrWillyWonka

uselessnow wrote: »

FYI
I am not trolling. I am a middle age female who has to live day to day life with an Autoimmune illness. It is sole destroying. A side effect of the illness is Depression. Every day is a battle and will be until the day I die.

I feel for you, I can understand this along with depression and debts must be frustrating to say the least.

Frustration is also what a lot of other members are feeling here, regardless of how the posts are written, everyone wants the best outcome for you. We are all here to make society a better place. After reading your comments about the spiteful posts I decided to read every post on this thread (well the sunrise woke me up at 5:30am so had several hours before work!).

Since none of the options provided so far are viable to you, can I ask what you think is the best way out of this problem? Most members here speak from experience and as you have seen some have managed to get out of debt without their OH knowing. Don't give up, it is possible and believe me once you see the debts going down it is a very positive experience. It is getting over the first hurdle that is the hard bit.

I understand that you have a disability, however have you thought about volunteering in your local area? Even if its only a few hours a week? Perhaps helping out at a coffee morning in the village, no matter how trivial it is, it is getting out there and forgetting about life for a while and not spending money while at it. I fear that you are in a downwards spiral because you are constantly at home which is a constant reminder of your problems. Remember you are only human, but you are lucky to live in the UK where you have the power to change things, the power to get help and the power to better your life. Just like everyone else here has the power to provide advice to you.

[Deleted User]

MrWillyWonka wrote: »

I feel for you, I can understand this along with depression and debts must be frustrating to say the least.

Frustration is also what a lot of other members are feeling here, regardless of how the posts are written, everyone wants the best outcome for you. We are all here to make society a better place. After reading your comments about the spiteful posts I decided to read every post on this thread (well the sunrise woke me up at 5:30am so had several hours before work!).

Since none of the options provided so far are viable to you, can I ask what you think is the best way out of this problem? Most members here speak from experience and as you have seen some have managed to get out of debt without their OH knowing. Don't give up, it is possible and believe me once you see the debts going down it is a very positive experience. It is getting over the first hurdle that is the hard bit.

I understand that you have a disability, however have you thought about volunteering in your local area? Even if its only a few hours a week? Perhaps helping out at a coffee morning in the village, no matter how trivial it is, it is getting out there and forgetting about life for a while and not spending money while at it. I fear that you are in a downwards spiral because you are constantly at home which is a constant reminder of your problems. Remember you are only human, but you are lucky to live in the UK where you have the power to change things, the power to get help and the power to better your life. Just like everyone else here has the power to provide advice to you.

Thank you for your kind words Mr WillyWonka. I haven't looked into volunteering as I thought that is would affect the benefits that I receive. Will have to check into it further.

[Deleted User]

Apologies to anyone I lost my temper with last week. I was having a bad week and at one point it looked like another relapse was starting.
I spent money when I went out as it is a comfort blanket for me when I feel ill. I know it is wrong. I have to get past that somehow. It is my way of escaping my illness and everyone around me.

MrWillyWonka

uselessnow wrote: »

Thank you for your kind words Mr WillyWonka. I haven't looked into volunteering as I thought that is would affect the benefits that I receive. Will have to check into it further.

As long as you do not get any form of profit then your benefits will absolutely not be affected.

Volunteering_England wrote:

Although there can be confusion over whether volunteering affects an individual’s benefits or not - including amongst some Jobcentre Plus staff - the rules are actually quite simple. In most cases, there’s no limit to the amount of volunteering that someone can do whilst claiming benefits, as long as they continue to meet the conditions of those benefits.

http://www.volunteering.org.uk/component/gpb/statebenefits

enthusiasticsaver

uselessnow wrote: »

Apologies to anyone I lost my temper with last week. I was having a bad week and at one point it looked like another relapse was starting.
I spent money when I went out as it is a comfort blanket for me when I feel ill. I know it is wrong. I have to get past that somehow. It is my way of escaping my illness and everyone around me.

Spending money as a panacea to feeling low is much like alcoholism or obesity where the symptom (either spending, eating the wrong type of food or drinking alcohol)and makes you feel good in the short term but on reflection later, guilt and anxiety step in. I do empathise especially when you are probably low due to the debt and your illness. Unfortunately no one here is able to help you with that and all anyone on a forum can do is offer advice.


Some type of CBT may help or if I was in your shoes I would lock my credit cards away, only take out enough cash for each day and make a note in a spending diary before spending anything. Research your spending before shelling out so if you need something you look for the best bargains. With any luck by the time you have had to go and get cash out, research your potential purchase and write in a book you may feel the thing you were going to buy on impulse is not really needed.


You know deep down that this behaviour must change or that £20k debt you have now will be £30k in a few years. It may well be you have not yet had your LBM as you are still making minimum payments and have not yet got to defaulting on payments.


I wish you luck and please do continue coming back for support.