Am i being unreasonable?

Gigervamp

Get the channel tunnel across to France, then drive or train down to the south. The beaches are lovely, so you'd get your beach holiday, and no need to fly there.

pinkandblueshoe

The fact that the OP said that one day her husband will have to face a plane, shows how little she knows how terrifying it can be to have a fear of flying.

If anyone tried to force me to fly because they didn't want to holiday in the UK Id be seriously questioning whether I wanted to be with them.

There's a fine line between being supportive and bullying someone into doing something you want to do and are happy with when you know your partner doesn't want to get on a plane.

elliew92

Feeling quite attacked on here.. I am not manipulating him i am trying to help him over come his fear like i have helped him with his new jobs etc.. Eventually yes i do think he will have to go on a plane like our honeymoon. I have told him if he really can't face it we WONT go. I have been bullied myself i KNOW how it feels nor will i be a bully. My partner is happy enough to go abroad but can't face a plane at the moment.

Of course i accept my OH for WHO he is i am NOT trying to change him the point i am making is i am TRYING to find ways to HELP him and if he really can't face it after trying ways then we won't go. I wouldn't ever force him or black mail him into it.

I am not a nasty person and nor am i being made out to be, i have known my partner for 10 years and been with them for 5.

And no my OH isn't ill but doctors can prescribe you medication to help anxiety or put you in contact with a therapist. He has a therapist at the moment and i have asked him to contact her when he feels he needs someone to talk to.

Thanks to those of you who have read my post more thoroughly.

Brighton_belle

elliew92 wrote: »

Eventually yes i do think he will have to go on a plane like our honeymoon.

I think it is this sort of statement that has led people to think you lack true understanding OP. It's as though it is impossible to go through life without flying, but it really is. In fact, it really really is possible to not even have a honeymoon let alone an obligatory one abroad.
I knew any sort of trip away, even a long weekend in this country straight after a wedding would be very stressful for my OH - the wedding was enough to cope with. So I didn't bat an eyelid, we didn't have a honeymoon - because I cared about his welfare: we were so happy after the wedding it didn't matter where we were to be honest.


I also think you are being a bit dramatic about 'last chance of a holiday abroad'. It would be good if he can over come his fear of flying, but as you say yourself, these irrational fears get worse around times of change. So perhaps you need to work with that, not against it. Perhaps set aside the money you would spend in Sept on a holiday, for a cheap get away in Jan or Feb, after all the changes of moving in together have settled. So having set aside the money, you will still have it after having left home).


This is not attacking you OP, it is trying to show you other ways of thinking that might be helpful to you both.

Errata

And no my OH isn't ill but doctors can prescribe you medication to help anxiety or put you in contact with a therapist. He has a therapist at the moment and i have asked him to contact her when he feels he needs someone to talk to.

Doctors don't prescribe drugs to enable people to go on holiday, and if yours will - he may not be the best doc for your OH's health.

missbiggles1

elliew92 wrote: »

Feeling quite attacked on here.. I am not manipulating him i am trying to help him over come his fear like i have helped him with his new jobs etc.. Eventually yes i do think he will have to go on a plane like our honeymoon. I have told him if he really can't face it we WONT go. I have been bullied myself i KNOW how it feels nor will i be a bully. My partner is happy enough to go abroad but can't face a plane at the moment.

Of course i accept my OH for WHO he is i am NOT trying to change him the point i am making is i am TRYING to find ways to HELP him and if he really can't face it after trying ways then we won't go. I wouldn't ever force him or black mail him into it.

I am not a nasty person and nor am i being made out to be, i have known my partner for 10 years and been with them for 5.

And no my OH isn't ill but doctors can prescribe you medication to help anxiety or put you in contact with a therapist. He has a therapist at the moment and i have asked him to contact her when he feels he needs someone to talk to.

Thanks to those of you who have read my post more thoroughly.

But why, if he doesn't want to?

missbiggles1

Errata wrote: »

Doctors don't prescribe drugs to enable people to go on holiday, and if yours will - he may not be the best doc for your OH's health.

I've never had any problems getting tranquillizers from my doctors for things like travel phobias, fortunately they've all treated me like an adult who knows what's best for her own situation.

FBaby

Doctors don't prescribe drugs to enable people to go on holiday, and if yours will - he may not be the best doc for your OH's health.

Of course they do. If going on a plane is going to make you highly anxious to the point of having a panic attack -a medical presentation- then it is perfectly appropriate to prescribe drugs to help that person avoid that anxiety. It certainly is a lot better than the alternative which is to get totally wasted.

OP, it is probably the way you are expressing yourself that makes readers react accusively. You come across as if your wishes should be bowed to and that if it can't be, then all attempt should be made to do so. There are alternatives and compromises to the issue, but you seem to think that the only solution is for your fiance to sort himself out to please these wishes, and that makes you come across as a bit of a princess.

As it has been said by many, the best way to help him is not by sending him to his GP/counsellor to 'sort himself out', but to give him the reassurance that if you don't go somewhere exotic and hot, that it doesn't matter because you much rather be somewhere where you know he is relaxed and able to enjoy himself, then on a beautiful beach knowing that all he can think of is the dreaded flight back.

Errata

Of course they do. If going on a plane is going to make you highly anxious to the point of having a panic attack -a medical presentation- then it is perfectly appropriate to prescribe drugs to help that person avoid that anxiety. It certainly is a lot better than the alternative which is to get totally wasted.

I'd suggest the alternative is not taking drugs to enable an experience to be pleasurable.

Money_maker

FBaby wrote: »

OP, it is probably the way you are expressing yourself that makes readers react accusively. You come across as if your wishes should be bowed to and that if it can't be, then all attempt should be made to do so.

Yes, coming across as 'stamps feet' and 'he will have to do what he's told whether he likes it or not'!