Am i being unreasonable?

heartbreak_star

OP has said he doesn't like ferries either

HBS x

Sam_Fallow

heartbreak_star wrote: »

OP has said he doesn't like ferries either

HBS x

Take the chunnel to France, lie on a beach there. Done.

SavingPennies_2

Well I can sympathise with your OH, because I'm like that too and it isn't really about the flying per se, it's about other things going on in life and somehow it comes out in an anxiety of flying (or something else). With me, sometimes I'm fine, sometimes I'm not - and feeling under pressure just makes it a whole lot worse. The compromise for us is that when I've not been fine, we've gone on the Eurostar, plenty of places to choose from.

To be honest, while I understand your frustration, I think you are being a tad dramatic with the "last holiday" thing, Plenty of people don't go on holiday abroad every year and just because you move out (of your parents?) doesn't mean you will never be able to afford a holiday abroad again.

Added with edit: Just a thought, you mention moving out in September, and that your OH has this anxiety at times of life changes, so the move could well be the trigger. Id keep the money for the holiday to one side, wait till you are settled in your new house then maybe have a winter sun holiday, by then you might find he is more up for it..

Errata

Have a holiday in the UK - plenty of nice places, and you won't be mithering your OH to go to the doctors so the doctor can do .... what?
Your OH isn't ill, he simply doesn't want to go abroad.
There will be a lifetime of years when he may want to go abroad, but this isn't one of them.

lostinrates

elliew92 wrote: »

I wanted to a last minute holiday in September for mine & my OH last holiday before we move out as i know it will be harder to have holidays etc.. and it is best to do all the things we want to do before we cant do it.
I have had holidays most years since i was a child and my OH hasn't.
We have been on holidays together the last 3 years 2 of which flying abroad with no problem.

My OH has anxiety when starting new jobs or "changes" in his life which i helped him over come.
Now when the holiday was brought up he told me i could look for one and then keep changing his mind of i don't like heights, i don't like flying, i cant do it.
I am confused as he has been ok any other year but i understand it is hard with his anxiety and have googled ways around it i.e.. getting anxiety tablets to help with flying and i have asked him to call his GP to speak about his anxiety with flying.

Is it unreasonable of me to go on holiday? wont go alone and i dont want to go without him or with my friends as they are more the historic type rather then beach holidays. I know he would enjoy it once the flight is over with like last year and he has agreed he would enjoy it but it is the flying he is struggling with.

I am sort of running out of options and have said if the GP can't give you tablets i will let it go, but it just saddens me at the fact i couldn't make the most of my "last holiday" last year despite the food poisoning. And i mentioned when we have our honeymoon how will he go abroad? or if one of his mates has a stag do abroad?

Sorry for the rant, just after some advice?

This is the man you are marrying. He indeed can grow and develop and I would argue Probably should tackle this over time, as part of stress management and personal growth, but Forgive me for suggesting perhaps you have expectation from about who he should be and how he should live, not an acceptance of who he is.

We all want those we love to be their best them. But his best him might never be someone who wants a yearly holiday and who faces a life of tackling his stress via control issues. Better a man who likes to keep control of his feet on the ground than a partner who wants to control you. Imagine a partner who tried to control how you live and who you are?

swingaloo

To be fair you are NOT helping him. you are trying to manipulate him into finding a way to get on a plane because you are desperate to go on a beach holiday.


Im a very nervous flyer and the stress before I fly is unbelievable and I have done the nervous flyer course. It dosent matter that the technology is advanced and that the noises and how the plane stays in the air have been explained. The fear of flying is illogical and as such it does not matter how much I know about what is going to happen.


I cant explain it any more than I can explain why my feet shoot up onto the couch when I see a tiny spider scoot across the room.


The last thing I would want is my partner trying to coax me into flying and using emotional blackmail. Its not nice knowing you are scared or knowing you are spoiling things for someone else but as I say, its illogical. Someone putting pressure on me would just result in me digging in further as I don't want people 'suggesting' ways I can get over it. Its like telling a child not to be scared of the dark, I know my fear is illogical but its still real to me.


My friends husband is just the same, they have had many holidays abroad and got married in Cuba but he now refuses point blank to ever board a plane again. My friend is very disappointed as she really wanted to go back to Cuba for their ten year anniversary but she has accepted that it will not happen.
If this really s the man you want for life then you may have to compromise.

missbiggles1

Errata wrote: »

Have a holiday in the UK - plenty of nice places, and you won't be mithering your OH to go to the doctors so the doctor can do .... what?
Your OH isn't ill, he simply doesn't want to go abroad.
There will be a lifetime of years when he may want to go abroad, but this isn't one of them.

I don't think that's true. Not wanting to fly and not wanting to go abroad are two totally separate things.

pinkandblueshoe

If you don't know what it's like to be a nervous flyer than you probably won't know that getting tablets from a GP for anxiety won't solve the underlying issue. I can't say I love flying, I do it. But Im much better at flying now I'm not with a partner who used to make me feel bad about not being able to fly. What I dont like about flying is being in a confined space, if you are on a train or bus or even in a car, you can get out. When the doors shut on the plane, that's it.

I also don't care much for the take off. When Im up Im fine and landing is fine. It would not matter to me how many times people told me flying was safe, fine and there's nothing to it. In times gone by when I was so terrified of getting on a plane that I wouldn't do it, nothing would have got me on that plane.

Ive also suffered from anxiety in the past and when my anxiety was bad my fear of flying got much much worse.

I also don't see how you need to look at this as having one last holiday. Many couples go abroad yearly and if your OH was invited to a stag do abroad and didn't want to fly, that's his choice entirely. He doesn't need to love flying just because other people do it.

What actually helped me in the end was to fly more and to fly short distances, but it much helped me that I didn't have someone making me feel bad for not being able to fly.

Errata

If you don't know what it's like to be a nervous flyer than you probably won't know that getting tablets from a GP for anxiety won't solve the underlying issue

And why ask a doctor to medicate for fear of flying when there's absolutely no clinical need for it?

pinkandblueshoe

What actually helped me was to fly a distance that was so short I couldn't be bothered getting so upset. I flew to Ireland, which took about 30 mins from my nearest airport. I flew to America 4 years ago and at one stage I never ever thought I'd be able to do that distance.

Don't push it, that's all I can say. If he feels to anxious to fly later in the year. he feels to anxious to fly. If you do push it you might end up with someone who won't fly again ever.

Ive never wanted to take medication for my fear of flying, because medication won't sort out my underlying fears. I do think flying is something people either love or hate, very few people I know are so so about it.