Fed up with step-children

CrixuS_2

Had just about enough of them after 30 years.Always tried to treat them same as our own kids.


They have come in and out of our lives, usually when they have fallen out with their mum. We've had two of them live with us at one point when she threw them out and they use us. They are selfish, don't consider how we ever feel.


We've given them chance after chance. Half the time they don't talk to each other or us. Paid half of wedding, their mum didn't put a penny in, at one point said was not going, but she is the one in all the photos. Didn't get a say in any of the wedding, all we wanted was to sit with our family but they kept avoiding the table arrangements.Hated every minute of it. They seem to look for arguments to fall out with us so they can make it easy for themselves and then breeze in like nothing happened.


Feel sorry for hubby, he is ashamed of them.

Jagraf

CrixuS wrote: »

Had just about enough of them after 30 years.Always tried to treat them same as our own kids.


They have come in and out of our lives, usually when they have fallen out with their mum. We've had two of them live with us at one point when she threw them out and they use us. They are selfish, don't consider how we ever feel.


We've given them chance after chance. Half the time they don't talk to each other or us. Paid half of wedding, their mum didn't put a penny in, at one point said was not going, but she is the one in all the photos. Didn't get a say in any of the wedding, all we wanted was to sit with our family but they kept avoiding the table arrangements.Hated every minute of it. They seem to look for arguments to fall out with us so they can make it easy for themselves and then breeze in like nothing happened.


Feel sorry for hubby, he is ashamed of them.

Presume they are not his "step" children and they are also his family?

PasturesNew

Move- and don't tell them [a] you're going where to.

CrixuS_2

Jagraf wrote: »

Presume they are not his "step" children and they are also his family?

Yes his kids from previous marriage.

jjj1980

Have to say OP the bit that stood out to me most was your comment about not having a say in the wedding plans. Just because you contribute financially, doesn't give you the right to a say in the wedding plans! It was their day, not yours.

And as step-parent (sorry, but HATE that phrase, should be parent's partner/spouse) you don't/shouldn't be complaining about them. The only person with that right is your OH as their real parent.

CrixuS_2

PasturesNew wrote: »

Move- and don't tell them [a] you're going where to.

Thought about doing this for a few years now, but it's the grandchildren. Have already told one where to get off. Didn't go to his wedding, was going to sit me on a table with total strangers, not even with my own kids.

CrixuS_2

jjj1980 wrote: »

Have to say OP the bit that stood out to me most was your comment about not having a say in the wedding plans. Just because you contribute financially, doesn't give you the right to a say in the wedding plans! It was their day, not yours.

And as step-parent (sorry, but HATE that phrase, should be parent's partner/spouse) you don't/shouldn't be complaining about them. The only person with that right is your OH as their real parent.

We only asked for one thing and that was to sit with our son, never been to a wedding before where we havn't sat with our family and the only reason he did it was because his brother wasn't talking to his mum and if she would get the hump if we were with ours and she wasn't with hers.


As for complaining about them I have every right, they are a part of my life, have expected to be treated like my own children which I have and have lived with me which was very difficult at the time as I had just had a baby and had to deal with social services, the police and the NSPCC.

marisco_2

jjj1980 wrote: »

And as step-parent (sorry, but HATE that phrase, should be parent's partner/spouse) you don't/shouldn't be complaining about them. The only person with that right is your OH as their real parent.

I disagree. As a step parent the OP has put a hell of a lot of blood, sweat and tears in over the years to help raise these kids. Something they should appreciate and value not be using every given opportunity to throw that back into her and her partners faces.


Healthy for her to come on here to vent, release and seek advice from others who may have been through similar. It shows that she cares and wants to know how others have coped rather than just throwing in the towel when things are getting unbearable.

tomtontom

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4022299

Seems to be an ongoing situation, albeit last time OP was equally scathing about her own children. Makes you wonder where the problem really lies ...

Gigglepig

CrixuS wrote: »

Thought about doing this for a few years now, but it's the grandchildren. Have already told one where to get off. Didn't go to his wedding, was going to sit me on a table with total strangers, not even with my own kids.

Sorry OP but this sounds completely unreasonable to me. Refused to go to his wedding because you didn't get your way with the seating plan? Not saying it was nice of him to seat you this way, to me it sounds like you were not very graceful about it.

Bogof_Babe

"After 30 years"? Surely they are old enough to be told that their behaviour is not to your liking, and if they don't make more effort to fit in and respect you both then they are not welcome in your lives. It's not like they are still children.