Are we being mean ?

pickledonionspaceraider

Pollycat wrote: »

@ pickledonionspaceraider

I'm sure the OP understands her FIL better than any random posters on t'internet.
And she's said (several times) that he's OK with them not staying overnight.

Ditto for the way her OH feels (and it's actually his family).
If she says her FIL is OK with them not staying and her OH says he doesn't want to stay, I don't have a reason to disbelieve her.

The OP has explained that her BIL has booked all the rooms and decided to charge everybody the same rate - £40 pppn - even her teenagers. Even though they may have to sleep on the floor.

Cool - I am not disbelieving her, am just saying how things could be perceived - t'is all.

Anyhoo I shall leave you chaps/chapesses to it

missbiggles1

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I can't remember who but someone did say it was bizarre not to know your cousins names which is what the answer was to, you then answered me so I replied, hope that makes sense.

I said I didn't know all my cousins' names - certainly not on my father's side.

As far as siblings go, you're thinking of people who were children comparatively recently, with small families and closely spaced. In large families in the past the older children had often left home before the younger ones were really aware of them - which was certainly the case in my mother's family.

duchy

In this situation I think I'd drop the hen and stag nights and insist on the kids either having beds or not getting charged.


Money saved all around - and a suitable compromise (although I don't personally think the OP wants compromise -just drama or she'd have sorted it out direct with the BIL rather than running around the rest of the family talking to them about it instead and trying to get them to take sides)

pinkandblueshoe

Where I am, its very common for people to have evening guests at the reception. I've been to several evening weddings and I've never felt that I should have been invited to the full thing. Been to workmates weddings, people I knew socially but wasn't best friends with. I was just simply happy to get the invitation.

In this situation. I wouldn't be happy at being invited somewhere so that BIL could recoup the money he has spent and if I were going to a wedding 14 miles away from me, it makes sense not to stay over. The nearest big city is 15 miles away from me, I can get a train there in 40 mins, if it were that or having to spend over 300 pounds, I think Id take the train.

Ive actually never been to a wedding where there's been any fuss or bother, but then again, all the weddings Ive been to have been friends and not family, I have a small family and none of them are married.

Certainly don't think they should be charged that sum of money for the kids having to sleep on the floor, that's ridiculous.

Topcat1982

jaylee3 wrote: »

.

Really? Seriously? You don't know who your own cousins are? I mean like your first cousins? That strikes me as very odd. :huh:

I don't think think I know one single person who doesn't know their cousins. I have got 8 first cousins, and know the names of all of them, and their partners/husbands/wives, and the names of all their children (7 so far.)

I think that is very strange to not know your first cousins.

I have over 100 first cousins. Some of them I couldn't pick out of a lineup

Torry_Quine

Topcat1982 wrote: »

I have over 100 first cousins. Some of them I couldn't pick out of a lineup

Gosh, your parents must have lots of siblings to have so many.

Topcat1982

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Gosh, your parents must have lots of siblings to have so many.

Yeah they do, it's a catholic family

BarryBlue

Pollycat wrote: »

It does make sense but I corrected you as it was my post you quoted - and I didn't say I didn't know my cousins' names.

fierystormcloud was the poster who said it was bizarre not to know your cousins' names.
I just don't think it is bizarre.
It all depends on the family dynamics.

I don't see it as bizarre either. I have 20+ first cousins, about 15 are still alive and I would have to look at the family tree to be sure of all their names. The vast majority are older than me by up to 25 years since, as someone pointed out, families did have huge age ranges years ago. None live anywhere near me either.

I haven't seen any of my cousins for at least 5 years and it doesn't bother me at all. Most of them are, at best, hard work. I fail to see why being related to people means you need to see them on a regular basis. We didn't even invite any of them to our wedding.

fierystormcloud

Topcat1982 wrote: »

I have over 100 first cousins. Some of them I couldn't pick out of a lineup

You have 100 FIRST cousins?

So what, your parents have 10 siblings between them who have 10 children each?

Or 20 siblings who have 5 children each?

Or 5 siblings who have 20 children each???

Oooooooooooooookay......

Do tell .. I am dying to know.

Topcat1982

fierystormcloud wrote: »

You have 100 FIRST cousins?

So what, your parents have 10 siblings between them who have 10 children each?

Or 20 siblings who have 5 children each?

Or 5 siblings who have 20 children each???

Oooooooooooooookay......

Do tell .. I am dying to know.

My mum is one of 10 and Dad is one of 8. All aunts and uncles have a lot of kids apart from one uncle who is gay