Dating someone who has less than you

Gloomendoom

justme111 wrote: »

Was it the same for her ?:)
Men and women are different in certain things, even if it is not politcorrect to say so.

Just asked her. Apparently, it my humour that attracted her to me... and my Land Rover.

She has admitted though, that if I had been earning a lot less than her, she might not been quite so interested.

fierystormcloud

I agree with the ones who have said she will not lose anything unless she gets married to them. Then if she earns more, she could lose what she has, (half of it anyway.)

Re going to university. I think you can be a success in life without going to university, and many people without degrees have been a success. However, I think you are more likely to be a high earner a lot sooner, if you do a degree after you leave college, than if you leave and go straight into work.

Plus I also agree with the thing about social standing. You will get more respect in a professional environment and have much higher earning potential if you have a degree.

And even though some people say 'ANYone can do a degree - it's not THAT special! Yada yada,' the fact is that you will always have that advantage over people without one. In addition, if you are a middle aged (ish) person and you say your young adult child is at university, it reflects well on you too.

I mean, who do think people are going to think more of: someone who says their daughter left school at 16, worked in Greggs for year, then got pregnant and is now living in a council flat.

OR the person who says their daughter went to college, left with 3 A levels, and is now at university doing a degree. In addition, she is backpacking around Europe in the summer, and doing a placement in Berlin for 6 weeks. (Being at university will ALWAYS open doors for young people that would never have been opened if they had not gone; I know many young people at university who travelled LOADS with things involved with the university.)

In most professional and upper working class/middle class/upper class environments, people will have far more respect for the second girl AND her family.

So people can poo-poo degrees and say anyone can do them and so on, but people will always get more respect with a degree, and more earning potential. There is a lot of inverted snobbery with people who have degrees. Even the 'soft' ones are worth doing. I know several people who did Media and Art degrees who are now working with multinational companies on £55-£70K a year, and they're still only mid 20s.

Voyager2002

VestanPance wrote: »

What a load of utter !!!!!!!!.

Would you care to elaborate? Or perhaps provide some evidence?

One example of a wealthy philosopher is given in the link below: this gentleman donated the money for a building in which I used to work...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patrick_M._Byrne

sofarbehind

Hmm. It wouldn't bother me. My last boyfriend was a doctor from a wealthy family and I just felt really inferior and worthless. It didn't help that I've always dreamed of doing graduate medicine. My career wasn't great at the time and I struggled to keep up financially paying for my half of meals out etc. I upset him when I couldn't afford to go on holiday. It really didn't do anything for my self esteem but looking back on it he wasn't very nice about it. I wouldn't want to be in that position again.


I'm female, 35 and trying to buy somewhere.

meritaten

I must be from a different planet - never mind a different generation! unless things have changed unrecognisably over the years, men usually earn more than women and its 'relatively' normal for one partner to earn more than another. personally, I don't care if its the male or the female.
what does worry me is this attitude I have seen on here that marriage is not about 'sharing with your partner' but 'His Money' and 'Her money'. that isn't a partnership, and in my view certainly isn't a marriage. what you both earn belongs to BOTH of you - equally. what you 'Own' becomes your wifes/husbands on marriage (legally). yet, its like there is this great desire to keep ones own finances to oneself and marriage is more like 'housesharing'. So of course if one of the couple earns significantly less -with this attitude there is going to be tension. Over the years on here I am seeing more and more posts about this - and what is coming across is that the higher earner is reluctant to 'share' equally with their partner/husband/wife. perhaps society is becoming more selfish?

Guest101

meritaten wrote: »

I must be from a different planet - never mind a different generation! unless things have changed unrecognisably over the years, men usually earn more than women and its 'relatively' normal for one partner to earn more than another. personally, I don't care if its the male or the female.
what does worry me is this attitude I have seen on here that marriage is not about 'sharing with your partner' but 'His Money' and 'Her money'. that isn't a partnership, and in my view certainly isn't a marriage. what you both earn belongs to BOTH of you - equally. what you 'Own' becomes your wifes/husbands on marriage (legally). yet, its like there is this great desire to keep ones own finances to oneself and marriage is more like 'housesharing'. So of course if one of the couple earns significantly less -with this attitude there is going to be tension. Over the years on here I am seeing more and more posts about this - and what is coming across is that the higher earner is reluctant to 'share' equally with their partner/husband/wife. perhaps society is becoming more selfish?

I believe relationships more fickle.

Particularly where the typically male wage earner is replaced by the state at a moments notice. Relationships are too easy to end.

People like to believe that relationships should be financially independent of the 'love'. However social values have clearly been lowered in western society. Divorce is all time high. Millions of single parent families.

It's because we're being programmed to be the best, accept nothing but the best. Be constantly happy. Relationships are supposed to be hard. And by being reliant on your partner, those hard times are made easier. But if the contribution of one party is replaced by an equal, or higher, contribution from the state there is no 'incentive' to work on it.

This leaves men (usually) in the strange position of working to provide and there by getting a higher wage, and then finding that there relationship suffered due to the commitment the job requires.

- the absolute nonsense that men earn more than women and this must be changed - ignores this aspect. Of course overall men earn more, because they do not take a career break to raise the kids. Often this is a joint decision by both parties.

An agreement that the man works for money, the woman works for love. Fairness. Something which has by and large worked for a long time.

Society however starts to tell people that 'you're special' 'you deserve better' 'why have a burger, there's a steak out there just for you'.
( worsened ofcourse by the insecent ramblings of equality - which is ofcourse impossible. And really fair is what they should say ). Raising a young family is difficult, money tight, sleepless nights, mistakes or human error, rows arguements. - all of a sudden someone pops in and says - if you weren't with him ( or her ) you could get all this money...

And the contributions of one half of the partnership is wiped out.

This is why I believe many modern day relationships fail. The state holds people's hand every step, if something goes wrong, they'll fix it.



( the state should step in, in genuine cases of abuse ofcourse ).

Guest101

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Any woman who gets into a relationship with a man who earns less than her has only got herself and her romantic delusion to blame when it goes wrong and she ends up out of pocket.

Never be that woman.

Any person who gets into a relationship with a person who earns less than them, has only got themselves and their romantic delusion to blame when it goes wrong and they end up out of pocket.

Never be that person

- fixed that for you.

BrassicWoman

meritaten wrote: »

I must be from a different planet - never mind a different generation! unless things have changed unrecognisably over the years, men usually earn more than women

It's changing slowly; far too slowly.

I'd date someone with less money; what I struggle with is finding someone who shares my love of culture. I think shared interests are more valuable than money; you can adjust for budget but not brain.

fierystormcloud

meritaten wrote: »

I must be from a different planet - never mind a different generation! unless things have changed unrecognisably over the years, men usually earn more than women and its 'relatively' normal for one partner to earn more than another. personally, I don't care if its the male or the female.
what does worry me is this attitude I have seen on here that marriage is not about 'sharing with your partner' but 'His Money' and 'Her money'. that isn't a partnership, and in my view certainly isn't a marriage. what you both earn belongs to BOTH of you - equally. what you 'Own' becomes your wifes/husbands on marriage (legally). yet, its like there is this great desire to keep ones own finances to oneself and marriage is more like 'housesharing'. So of course if one of the couple earns significantly less -with this attitude there is going to be tension. Over the years on here I am seeing more and more posts about this - and what is coming across is that the higher earner is reluctant to 'share' equally with their partner/husband/wife. perhaps society is becoming more selfish?

:rotfl:

Great post M.

It never ceases to amaze me the amount of people who come on here saying they are in a relationship and are even getting married, and that they had more money before the relationship started, and they want to ensure their partner can't get their hands on THEIR money when the relationship dissolves. :rotfl:

You couldn't make it up! People safeguarding themselves before the relationship has even got into second gear, by trying to make sure that their partner/wife/husband does not get their sticky mitts on THEIR money and possessions. Doesn't say much for the relationship at all.

And I have also lost count of the amount of times that I have seen posts on here from women who have gone part time or finished work to look after the children, and their partner/husband has taken control of the finances, and he barely allows her enough to live on, he thinks his money is his, (because HE earned it!)

So we have all these women who are run ragged, looking after house and home, and the children, (and sometimes working as well,) but they have no surplus income because they earn less. so they rarely buy anything because they CAN'T. Then we have their husband/partner who keeps all his surplus income to himself, and spends it on expensive hobbies, and doesn't lift a finger in the house, and rarely contributes to the childcare, as it's the woman's job, and thinks looking after his OWN children is 'babysitting.'

Lunar_Eclipse

a1fan wrote: »

Would you do it?

My colleague has her own property in London and has her own car. Apart from mortgage she has no debts. She's not a high earner but to have what she's got, she made a lot of sacrifices (such as not going to uni and working instead, saving hard and living cheaply/simply). She is in her late 20's and is single.

She claims she is single because many guys who are around her age do not own their own home and she's reluctant to risk losing anything.

I remember when my sister divorced, she felt she lost out on a lot of financial assets by sharing everything in the first place. It's now put her off to be with someone who has less.

I dated a guy who earned more than I did but over the course of our relationship (5 years) I contributed more financially as he had other outgoings like child support.

I would do it yes. Mainly because I believe in love over materialistic possessions, but also because someone earning less than her and currently renting now could easily earn a lot more than her in 5-10 years time. In fact, I would bet on it.

At your friend's age, many people will still be renting. Earnings have the potential to increase exponentially, especially for those with a good university education and in well paying careers.

(You are right that not going to university is a massive sacrifice: statistically speaking your friend has significantly limited her earning potential. I've read it's by an average of 20%, but this is actually low because it takes into account everyone with degrees, many/most of whom don't end up in particularly high paying jobs, whereas graduate starting salaries at top law firms for instance now start on c80k in London! The vast majority of working women will never earn £80k in today's money.)