Dating someone who has less than you

a1fan

Would you do it?

My colleague has her own property in London and has her own car. Apart from mortgage she has no debts. She's not a high earner but to have what she's got, she made a lot of sacrifices (such as not going to uni and working instead, saving hard and living cheaply/simply). She is in her late 20's and is single.

She claims she is single because many guys who are around her age do not own their own home and she's reluctant to risk losing anything.

I remember when my sister divorced, she felt she lost out on a lot of financial assets by sharing everything in the first place. It's now put her off to be with someone who has less.

I dated a guy who earned more than I did but over the course of our relationship (5 years) I contributed more financially as he had other outgoings like child support.

StuC75

The simple fact is that every relationship would have that Dynamic - as very few would have a 50/50 split really!.

It would be very easy to make sexist stereotypes here, given your very leading comments regarding your friend, sister and your past dating experience.

gonzo127

why would she lose everything if she dated?

as the split of assets when you break up only happens once married (in general), and the 50:50 split that worry's some people only really happens after you have been married 5 years or longer (not saying that assets would not be split, but the assumption of 50:50 is not till after 5 years).

David301

My old neighbour used to come from a wealthy back ground whereas his wife used to come from a poor background.

We were at a BBQ with them and he was telling us about a "family issue" that was currently irking him. He proceeded to say "well i suppose that's what you have to put up with when you marry out of class"

My wife and I didn't know where to put ourselves. It was quite obvious that his marriage was unequal, but why she put up with it is beyond me!

Gloomendoom

My sister-in-law told me that I had married well above myself.

I think that she is deluded.

SandC

There have been a lot of myths around over the years that becoming part of a couple means they have a claim on your assets - they would only do so if they had 'beneficial interest' which is for another thread......

Sounds to me though like someone in your colleague's position would be more suited to someone who is a higher earner than her. Socially, with her being in her twenties, she's probably spending most of her leisure time with people in the same age group but without the same outlook on life and therefore isn't meeting anyone special.

As others have said there is often going to be a disparity in incomes but in my opinion as long as you have the same basic values when it comes to finances things should work out okay in the end. I honestly don't really get sometimes how people end up with a partner who is the polar opposite of them when it comes to money matters. Physical attraction would soon wear off for me if we weren't compatible in other ways.

VestanPance

If she care's so much about wealth and possessions they she's best not bothering with a relationship. All relationships come with an element of risk and compromise. If you're not willing to accept that then you need to accept that and walk away.

Either that or go very old skool and look at arranged marriages. The old way of solving the wealth/status issue! :rotfl:

Voyager2002

SandC wrote: »

Sounds to me though like someone in your colleague's position would be more suited to someone who is a higher earner than her. Socially, with her being in her twenties, she's probably spending most of her leisure time with people in the same age group but without the same outlook on life and therefore isn't meeting anyone special.

However she missed out on university so her earnings potential and social position will be limited. In the short term perhaps she has more materially than the young men she meets, but since most of them presumably invested in their education and hence their careers in the longer term they are likely to overtake her. Personally I don't think I could get involved with someone like her because of her lack of education, as well as her poor values.

pinkandblueshoe

She sounds like a bundle of laughs.

onomatopoeia99

Voyager2002 wrote: »

However she missed out on university so her earnings potential and social position will be limited.

What is "social position" and how does not having a degree limit it?

I went to university, back when there were half the number of universities that there are now. If going had an effect on some hypothetical "social position", I haven't noticed it.

Guest101

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

What is "social position" and how does not having a degree limit it?

I went to university, back when there were half the number of universities that there are now. If going had an effect on some hypothetical "social position", I haven't noticed it.

Well the whole purpose of going to university is to gain education and qualifications to further one's life. Typically this is measured financially.

However additional 'perks' could be being placed in a position of trust, e.g. solicitor, doctor etc.

Social position? Well a good measure in modern UK would be, how much does one have in common with reglars on the jeremy kyle show?

If you havent noticed this, i suggest you open your eyes, it's fairly evident in all western societies. The poor are shunned and the well to do are taxed.
Nothing to do with being 'good' or 'bad', just where one finds themselves located on a socio-economic scale.