Dating someone who has less than you

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Thanks, Meri.

And yes, Justme, I thought that was what you meant

missbiggles1

sofarbehind wrote: »

Really??? It's interesting how differently we all see this. I wouldn't want to date anyone who wasn't intelligent but being intelligent really isn't the same thing as being educated. It's much harder to find.
I wonder what your social background is? Is it something to do with that? I'm the first graduate in my family so perhaps I value it less?? Just a thought, possibly a stupid one.:cool: In an ideal world I'd like a partner who had also experienced significant social mobility and the problems it brings. I suppose I'd prefer someone with a similar background. Maybe that's why I'm always single :rotfl:

Social background much like yours. Working class grammar school girl - only one in family to go to university etc. My husband comes from pretty much the same background as did many of my exes. There were plenty of us around before grammar schools were abolished.

I strongly disagree with the bit I've bolded - lots of people are intelligent but far fewer are educated, nothing to do with whether someone's a graduate. Having a degree these days has very little to do with education, although it certainly used to.:(

SandC

Different circumstances mean that different people get different things (aside from the qual) out of going to university.

I'm a PA and my last boss's youngest daughter was studying at Oxbridge - fantastic yes? Well yes and she was lovely, but she didn't have to worry about absolutely anything whatsover bar her studies.

She received pay from dad's business, had a car (which I was expected to keep maintained, MOT bookings, services etc. never mind that she was located over 100 miles away), didn't have to live in halls or hold down a part time job. Her dad used to hand me a list of all books and publications she needed whenever she was told and I had to source, buy them and have them delivered to her......

You get the picture. Yes had to be intelligent to get that degree, but massively assisted by virtue of her social standing in getting there. Would I rather have an employee who had it harder? Yeah, you know I probably would.

But hey, maybe I benefited from it and they were doing me in my uneducated non-degree holding capacity a favour.

pinkandblueshoe

Well educated and intelligence don't mean the same thing as far as Im concerned. Ive known very intelligent people who weren't very well educated. One of my closest friends left school at 16, hes very intelligent, hes done very well for himself in the workplace. Education on its own doesn't make someone intelligent nor does it make them interesting. In the same vein you could get someone with a PHD who buys inside soap magazine and watches TOWIE.

People can be well educated but only in a very specific field. Also, you get people who have degrees who like sport and soaps. I don't watch tv and soaps don't interest me at all, but I like football. No one looking at me on the terraces would know anything about my life, my likes and dislikes, my education.
They might have ideas about me standing with my football scarf on that they wouldn't have if I was in my day to day clothes.

I wouldn't say I'm particularly well read, I have a degree and a couple of post grads but there will be people who have much more general knowledge than I have. Im quite interested in politics and I think I could hold my own in most conversations. I think I'm intelligent and well educated but I know people who are super intelligent, very well educated and interested in many more topics than I am.

Also, you get people who are very educated and who have very good jobs who make spectacularly bad life choices and you'll get people who don't have as good an education who have their heads screwed on.

The first degree I did was in a subject that would pretty much bore the backside off you, if I spent the night in the pub talking about that (wont say what it was as Im sure some people loved the subject matter and the associated career), Id expect people's eyes to glaze over.

In that respect, doing a degree just makes some people knowledgeable about a subject or a few subjects, takes a whole lot more than that to get interesting and wordly conversation out of some people.

Life experiences I guess matter a lot as well, thats what Im trying to say.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

When I first started going out with my current man one of my mates asked if he owned his own home, which I found very revealing. Looking at my coupled up mates, those who are materialistic seem to attract like-minded partners.

Money itself isn't important to me, but the attitude to it is. I'd rather go out with someone on a lower income but no debts than a high earner with no concept of saving. I actually find brand-loving, happy-go-lucky spending really unattractive in a man.

SandC

I'm starting (aged 44) to like spending some of my cash on luxuries that are a bit frivolous shall we shall we say. Because I can and I've worked years to get to this point.

I'm in a bit of a difficult place in that so many potential partners may be divorced and paying maintenance for children so have a lot less disposable income than I might have.

Of course in the grand scheme of things, if you meet someone and fall in love these issues should work themselves out one way or another and attitude towards how you conduct your finances is key and not what you actually earn.

FBaby

I'm in a bit of a difficult place in that so many potential partners may be divorced and paying maintenance for children so have a lot less disposable income than I might have.

But it goes both ways. My OH worked very hard to get where he is professionally ('only' gaining 'A' levels) and managed to get into a comfortable financial position, paying into saving schemes etc... Then he met me!! Our income is similar, but I came with children (whose father doesn't pay a penny towards them!!). Inevitably, by chosing to share his life with me, he has seen his disposable income reduced greatly.

I have wondered (and even felt a bit guilty about it), but he has reassured over and over that I bring in his life much more than what he is losing out financially. As he says, he much prefers giving up on some luxuries now if it means being able to plan sharing these together later in life.

This is what I struggle to understand, why men seem happy to make these sacrifices because they appreciate what they are gaining by sharing their lives with someone they love, but women only seem focussed on what they got to lose. Are we still in a society where women feel a they have accomplished more than men when they reach financial security and comfort?

WorkFromHome

That's a toughie because during a relationship they maybe times when the roles reverse. My man had more than me when we met. I was in debt. Then 6 months later I was the bread maker as he was made redundant not once but twice in 2 years. Then when he was back on his feet I left my job to pursue a dream that then went tits up and we were back to square one. It made us closer though and nearly 7 years later we are still together x

SandC

In my case Fbaby I think it's simply that I haven't met anyone I have felt that strongly about, I don't think it would even be an issue if I did meet someone. I don't actually have a lot anyway, just good with what I do have, compared to a lot of people.

VfM4meplse

Out,_Vile_Jelly wrote: »

I'd rather go out with someone on a lower income but no debts than a high earner with no concept of saving. I actually find brand-loving, happy-go-lucky spending really unattractive in a man.

Agreed, but believe me, a high earning meanie is no fun either. I am in the unfortunate position of seeing one in action everyday and the lack of generosity spreads to his spirit also. Or maybe it comes from his spirit and has infected his wallet?

A man that point blank refuses to look after his own family when he has the means to do so is a disgrace.