Dating someone who has less than you

AubreyMac

I know a couple whose earnings swapped during the course of their relationship.

She had just left her marriage and home (with 2 young kids) to go and live in a local bedsit. She paid for this out of her part time wages in a supermarket. Her husband was a high flyer and a natural 'manager' and had to take control of everything in the home. He resented her working part time and learning to drive. He felt insecure of her growing independence and she paid child support for her children.

Soon after she left she got together with a man who has never been married or had kids. He worked as a self employed delivery driver which back then paid well. He lived with his parents and worked 6 days a week and saved the money. When they brought their house it was a cash buy with his savings.

Few years after that, delivery driving became a 'dying trade' as what he was delivering became cheaper and easier to buy in shops. But he encouraged her to do what she wanted to do - work full time and supported her in her personal and career development. As his work was drying and he was self employed, he didn't have things like company pensions or paid leave/sick. She worked her way to the top and 20 years after they got together, he is relying on her pension. She admits that she wouldn't be where he is without his love and support.

I own my own flat and car (in my early 30s). I can understand why anyone would be reluctant to share their assets for the fear of being left worse off if the !!!!!! ever hits the fan, especially as I've worked hard to get what I've got. However, the right guy for me would not be a 'user'. I'd be happy to support them if they were appreciative and pro-active in trying to further themselves.

With regards to university education, I think there are very few jobs where you HAVE to have a degree in order to work in the sector (such as Doctor or lawyer). I think most employers would appreciate the right personality rather than the letters after a name. Surely emotional intelligence, interpersonal skills and common sense will get you further than academic qualifications? (depending on sector of course). One of the highest earners I know started a cleaning company when he came out of jail, it really is his positive personality that draws people to him. That and the fact he works hard gets people/companies to hire him time and time again. He is a millionaire now and still works full time at the age of 67.

bugslet

Voyager2002 wrote: »

Personally I don't think I could get involved with someone like her because of her lack of education, as well as her poor values.

I might agree with you on poor values, but lack of education.....guess I'm out of luck there then, having only A levels. I did get accepted into uni, but never really wanted to go and embarked on the stunning career of forklift driver. Look, 3 million unemployed, at least I was working!:o Since then I've moved on and run my own company for the last 24 years, I'm certainly not thick; I just think ruling out people for not going to uni is as bad as ruling people out for mismatched earning power.

FBaby wrote: »

Forgetting the pure financial aspect of it, the issue for me was not the salary package of my husband, but how ambitious and hard working he was. I was brought up to be ambitious and value this quality, whatever the sex, so for me, I would find it very hard to share my life with someone who didn't share than same level of aspiration.

Inevitably, the more ambitious and hard working you are, the higher the chance of earning a good income. But this means that if my husband had been penniless, but setting a new business, which I could see had great potential and worked all hours to make it a success, I would have loved him just the same, whereas if I'd found out that he had been enjoying a comfortable lifestyle supported by his parents, that would have been a total turn-off from the start.

^^^ That

missbiggles1 wrote: »

And I couldn't imagine having a long term relationship with someone who wasn't well educated.

.

Mr Bugs left school at 15 and joined the Swedish Merchant Navy, had something of a chequered career to put it mildly, but he was one of the smartest men I've met despite being academically 'deficient'.

I'd not be compatible with someone who wasn't intelligent, but academic qualifications are only one indicator.

VestanPance

AubreyMac wrote: »

With regards to university education, I think there are very few jobs where you HAVE to have a degree in order to work in the sector (such as Doctor or lawyer). I think most employers would appreciate the right personality rather than the letters after a name. Surely emotional intelligence, interpersonal skills and common sense will get you further than academic qualifications? (depending on sector of course). One of the highest earners I know started a cleaning company when he came out of jail, it really is his positive personality that draws people to him. That and the fact he works hard gets people/companies to hire him time and time again. He is a millionaire now and still works full time at the age of 67.

There are a great number of sectors that wouldn't touch you with a bargepole without a degree, and many that won't consider you without a relevant degree and most likely a high mark.

My current employer only takes on graduates with a 1st in that field. This isn't uncommon at the higher end of my line of work. Positive personalities means nothing in technical roles. Knowledge is everything.

EDIT: On the dating aspect I can see where those saying they wouldn't date someone who didn't have a higher education background are coming from.

fierystormcloud

AubreyMac wrote: »

I own my own flat and car (in my early 30s). I can understand why anyone would be reluctant to share their assets for the fear of being left worse off if the !!!!!! ever hits the fan, especially as I've worked hard to get what I've got. However, the right guy for me would not be a 'user'. I'd be happy to support them if they were appreciative and pro-active in trying to further themselves.

With regards to university education, I think there are very few jobs where you HAVE to have a degree in order to work in the sector (such as Doctor or lawyer). I think most employers would appreciate the right personality rather than the letters after a name. Surely emotional intelligence, interpersonal skills and common sense will get you further than academic qualifications? (depending on sector of course). One of the highest earners I know started a cleaning company when he came out of jail, it really is his positive personality that draws people to him. That and the fact he works hard gets people/companies to hire him time and time again. He is a millionaire now and still works full time at the age of 67.

Nah, that is what people without a university degree like to tell themselves. The fact is you will do HEAPS better in life AND earn a lot more with a degree, AND you will have higher social standing... You can keep kidding yourself otherwise .. But it doesn't change the facts. :cool:

Of course you can do OK - or quite well even - without a degree, but I find it laughable how people are trying to convince themselves that it's better to not have one. :rotfl:

FBaby

Over the last 14 years I have worked my butt off, sacrificed so much and scrimped so hard to get what I have. Why on earth should someone walk into my life, sweep me off my feet and potentially leave with half of it?

Maybe you should ask that question to the men who have themselves worked their butt off to be better off than their partner. I suppose you would advise that none of them should marry, at least without pre-nups. I suppose that would soon become the end of the establishment of marriage.

AubreyMac

VestanPance wrote: »

There are a great number of sectors that wouldn't touch you with a bargepole without a degree, and many that won't consider you without a relevant degree and most likely a high mark.

My current employer only takes on graduates with a 1st in that field. This isn't uncommon at the higher end of my line of work. Positive personalities means nothing in technical roles. Knowledge is everything.

EDIT: On the dating aspect I can see where those saying they wouldn't date someone who didn't have a higher education background are coming from.

Yes, I am aware (and have already stated) that it's sector dependant.

Some jobs are just factual, like mechanics or data analyst. I actually need one of these jobs as I hate doing anything with emotion. But I still believe it goes down to personalities as not everyone likes to do things that are entirely logical and factual. I loathe being expected to be more compassionate (I work in social services), my personality is more suited to something that is factual and more hands on (such as culinary or making things).

FBaby

EDIT: On the dating aspect I can see where those saying they wouldn't date someone who didn't have a higher education background are coming from.

it's because of that attitude that I almost passed by my wonderful husband, who has managed to be extremely successful without having to go to Uni. I've got a Masters and I don't consider myself cleverer than him, we've just taken different paths in life.

lynsayjane

FBaby wrote: »

Maybe you should ask that question to the men who have themselves worked their butt off to be better off than their partner. I suppose you would advise that none of them should marry, at least without pre-nups. I suppose that would soon become the end of the establishment of marriage.

I never worked my butt off to be better off than anyone other than the person I was 14 years ago. I also stated that if I were to marry a partner I'd not be looking to take from them any more than I'd want them to be looking to take from me.
I have a lot of respect for marriage but it's something that should be based on love and not money.

AubreyMac

fierystormcloud wrote: »

Nah, that is what people without a university degree like to tell themselves. The fact is you will do HEAPS better in life AND earn a lot more with a degree, AND you will have higher social standing... You can keep kidding yourself otherwise .. But it doesn't change the facts. :cool:

Of course you can do OK - or quite well even - without a degree, but I find it laughable how people are trying to convince themselves that it's better to not have one. :rotfl:

I'm not trying to convince anyone otherwise, but just pointing out that I believe it comes down to personalities.

I think someone with good people skills do get further, whatever the sector of the job (it's not what you know but who you know kinda thing, again sector dependant).

You can get two people with the same qualification but one can be better at engaging with people, be open minded and naturally draws people to them and the other can be good at doing the practicalities of the work but doesn't give out a good vibe.

fierystormcloud

lynsayjane wrote: »

I never worked my butt off to be better off than anyone other than the person I was 14 years ago. I also stated that if I were to marry a partner I'd not be looking to take from them any more than I'd want them to be looking to take from me.
I have a lot of respect for marriage but it's something that should be based on love and not money.

Are you not sort of contradicting yourself a bit there?