Dating someone who has less than you

Jagraf

My initial question would be "less what?"

Less opportunity but has used it, less hang ups, less materialistic clutter, less envy by comparison? Sometimes less is more, and judging a relationship based on academic achievement or financial wealth can be a little bit ..... well ...... Less than clever! Relationships should complement each other, not run parallel so that your lives don't need to cross.

missbiggles1

lynsayjane wrote: »

I don't see how. When I marry I will marry for love, if it ends it will be because the love has ended. My money will be mine at the start and the end as his will be.
Previous posters seem to be saying that joining in marriage is joining financially, I don't believe that it has to be.

Unfortunately for you, that's the way the law looks at it in many areas, even if only cohabiting. A person needing to claim means tested benefits would be assessed on the income and/or assets of his/her cohabitee.

I can't imagine considering marrying someone with whom I couldn't share everything.

missbiggles1

AubreyMac wrote: »

It is. Well, it's what I mean anyway. Perhaps I'm not explaining myself well (I'm uneducated after all ).

If someone is a natural people's person and gets on with people, I think they're more likely to be promoted or hired etc as they give out a better vibe/impression.

I've worked with Social Workers for a few years and have seen good and bad ones. What makes them (in my opinion) 'good' or 'bad' is their personality. The good ones genuinely care about their work and about the people they deal with. The bad ones can be very judgemental of someone's circumstances and strive to get the results delivered by, from what I have seen, unethical means. However, I'm not sure if Social services is a good example as the sector is so political and bureaucratic anyway (which is why I want out).

You said about good people skills

"it's not what you know but who you know kinda thing, again sector dependant".

That seems to be to do with having contacts rather than anything else.

Jagraf

fierystormcloud wrote: »

Nah, that is what people without a university degree like to tell themselves. The fact is you will do HEAPS better in life AND earn a lot more with a degree, AND you will have higher social standing... You can keep kidding yourself otherwise .. But it doesn't change the facts. :cool:

Of course you can do OK - or quite well even - without a degree, but I find it laughable how people are trying to convince themselves that it's better to not have one. :rotfl:

I beg to differ here. I believe technical degrees to be important in certain industries, for example, medicine or engineering, where the skills you gain during study are used in your chosen field. However, graduate recruitment in many sectors strips you back to basics whether you have a degree or not. You are showing a level of understanding, and people with experience can outweigh people with degrees.

A degree to be honest is a bit "the norm" and employers are looking for character, in many industries.

I have a degree and a post grad. My husband has a degree and a masters in two subjects :eek: (professional student). Both my brother and my BIL have MBAs. Apart from my husband, none of us use our degrees etc in our industries, and none of us were employed by having them.

I wouldn't say I was smarter than anyone without a degree and wouldn't be enthused by anyone with one. I can't tell someone's social standing by whether they have a degree, and certainly a degree doesn't mean you are more intelligent of course.

missbiggles1

Jagraf wrote: »

I beg to differ here. I believe technical degrees to be important in certain industries, for example, medicine or engineering, where the skills you gain during study are used in your chosen field. However, graduate recruitment in many sectors strips you back to basics whether you have a degree or not. You are showing a level of understanding, and people with experience can outweigh people with degrees.

A degree to be honest is a bit "the norm" and employers are looking for character, in many industries.

I have a degree and a post grad. My husband has a degree and a masters in two subjects :eek: (professional student). Both my brother and my BIL have MBAs. Apart from my husband, none of us use our degrees etc in our industries, and none of us were employed by having them.

I wouldn't say I was smarter than anyone without a degree and wouldn't be enthused by anyone with one. I can't tell someone's social standing by whether they have a degree, and certainly a degree doesn't mean you are more intelligent of course.

In a general way I agree with you, of course, except......

Given that around 40% of that age range go to university nowadays, the number of people in their 20s without a degree but intelligent enough to do so is going to be rather less than in previous eras.

sofarbehind

missbiggles1 wrote: »

And I couldn't imagine having a long term relationship with someone who wasn't well educated.

I've had a few short term relationships with men who weren't but, when the novelty wears off, you want someone that you can talk to and with whom you can have intelligent wide ranging discussions,rather than someone whose horizons are limited to sport and soaps.

I do know that's something of an exaggeration and rather stereotypical but it's based on my experience and, to me, far more important than how much someone earns or whether they have drive and determination (which, actually, I'd hate).

Really??? It's interesting how differently we all see this. I wouldn't want to date anyone who wasn't intelligent but being intelligent really isn't the same thing as being educated. It's much harder to find.
I wonder what your social background is? Is it something to do with that? I'm the first graduate in my family so perhaps I value it less?? Just a thought, possibly a stupid one.:cool: In an ideal world I'd like a partner who had also experienced significant social mobility and the problems it brings. I suppose I'd prefer someone with a similar background. Maybe that's why I'm always single :rotfl:

meritaten

lynsayjane wrote: »

I don't see how. When I marry I will marry for love, if it ends it will be because the love has ended. My money will be mine at the start and the end as his will be.
Previous posters seem to be saying that joining in marriage is joining financially, I don't believe that it has to be.

I agree I am probably oldfashioned - at 61 I was brought up very differently.


BUT at various times in our lives sometimes OH earned more than me (I usually worked part-time or temporary jobs) but, along the way I have gained a degree and other qualifications and sometimes earned more for part-time work than he did in full time. and I did the major part of child-raising.
it didn't cause tension or aggravation as we both view the money coming in as OUR money. we still do even though I am now retired (disabilities). I could take his debit card and go on a spending spree and providing I didn't clean out his bank account he wouldn't care! (he wouldn't get far with MY debit card - there isn't much in there - but he is welcome to it if he needed it).
if THATS an oldfashioned attitude, then I will stick with it hunny! in my view its far healthier for a relationship than this 'HIS and HER' money.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

justme111 wrote: »

Jojo , if anything he has done better out of it then and if i were you I would been suspicious he seen me being savvy and woth a place to live as a source of support

He already had somewhere to live. He spent about five months getting more and more unwell but not wanting to worry me or cause me any stress. And maybe he thought I'd walk away. His exes both demanded a lot of him - keeping up appearances, constant reassurance, lots of money, that kind of thing. When things weren't perfect, he was on the receiving end of a lot of anger.

It was only when he was so ill, everything was falling apart, that he finally admitted he needed help - the silly sod thought he'd hidden it from me.

Yeah, he's lucky - he's met somebody who likes him for who he is, who is smart, scrubs up pretty well and is fundamentally a pretty nice person. But so am I - I've met somebody who likes me for who I am, who is smart, sweet, funny and kind. He's pretty good looking in my eyes as well. And the strength is that whilst we have a lot of similarities, there are also pretty fundamental differences, many of which could be seen as sticking points when looked at in isolation - but those contrasts work well together.

Ridiculous conversations lasting all night, other nights barely seeing each other due to getting on with other stuff somewhere in the house or out, the way he does a victory lap of the kitchen (and occasionally the garden) if he answers more TV quiz questions than I do - or how he can stop and ask me 'Am I being a t.wa.t?' and I can say 'yes, yes you are.' Or either of us can say 'executive decision', which is instant code for 'I'm in charge.', whether that means time to go home, you've done enough housework, stop worrying or it's that person's job to cook, whatever, are what count. Not who has the highest qualifications or earns the most.


We've both fallen on our feet. Which is why when I see his eyes light up when I stagger in the door after work (or fall in through the door with one of my best mates) or surface downstairs after falling asleep in the bath, I know that mine do the same when he comes in and trips over his own feet, trying to avoid squishing the cat or brings me a bucket sized mug of coffee.


Someone more cynical would think that kind of thing is unimportant compared to cash in the bank, bragging rights, or would be assuming that one person is taking from the other. But, having had other relationships, we both know that this stuff can't be bought or predicted. And it would have been missed if either of us had concentrated upon 'what could dating (or even talking to) that person cost me?'


Yeah. It might all go wrong in the end. Nothing is certain. But then again, when I've told him he's going to be a doddering old fool instead of a burbling idiot when he's seventy, he's grinned and said 'I do hope so.', I get the feeling that he was picturing me telling him exactly that when it happens. And nobody has ever given me that feeling before.

meritaten

its really sad that posters seem to just see the 'financial' side. jojo - you have a relationship I would give my eyeteeth for - my OH is not a mean person by any means - and he has loads of good qualities - but he just doesn't 'get' me or my sense of humour. I would love to be with someone who understood me the way your OH does.

justme111

Jojo , my comment was me laughing about my paranoia of not being used , not suspicion that you were . Hence the smile. You come across as a very happy well grounded healthy mind person in your posts on this board and long it may continue. Ps. In a situation as you described I would not have any doubts about a man either and would felt honoured I can be of help. That is what many of us look for - someone with whom we would feel free to give without fear.