I need some advice on an issue with my ex

Jagraf

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

If the children are teenagers, are they able to meet their dad elsewhere or make their own way to his? As part of the 'introduction to independent living' strategy which they need.

I loved it when we got to this age. It was a whole new existence for me.

I know people promote everyone being buddies "for the children" but sometimes when there is such dislike / lack of trust / previous hurt, then its best to keep contact to a minimum.

Kids don't need their separated parents to be best of friends, they just need to not see them fighting. Pretending to like someone (and therefore putting across that you think their actions are acceptable) is worse in my opinion.

sacha28

Maureen I have been the 'new' partner sat in the car whilst my DP collected his DD and, believe me, it was probably more uncomfortable for me than it was for his ex!

My DP used to beg me to go as he was consistently met at the door by men he had never seen before, family members making snide comments or a barrage of abuse from his ex. He wanted me there more for support than anything else but, my god, I found it very uncomfortable and felt like I was in a goldfish bowl with everyone looking in, judging me (I wasn't a DP by product of an affair but we got together not too long after she kicked him out so I was given the unenviable title of 'The OW' regardless and was still treated with absolute contempt)

I am not saying that you are by any means being abusive but you have no idea what your ex has told his DP, he might well be telling her that he 'needs' her there for protection/support so she feels she has no choice but to go.

(Thankfully since his ex moved 100's of miles away she no longer does pick up/drop off, her DP drives for 4 hours to the meeting place she hasn't graced my DP with her presence in 3 years, She now saves the abuse for phone calls )

Jagraf

sacha28 wrote: »

Maureen I have been the 'new' partner sat in the car whilst my DP collected his DD and, believe me, it was probably more uncomfortable for me than it was for his ex!

My DP used to beg me to go as he was consistently met at the door by men he had never seen before, family members making snide comments or a barrage of abuse from his ex. He wanted me there more for support than anything else but, my god, I found it very uncomfortable and felt like I was in a goldfish bowl with everyone looking in, judging me (I wasn't a DP by product of an affair but we got together not too long after she kicked him out so I was given the unenviable title of 'The OW' regardless and was still treated with absolute contempt)

I am not saying that you are by any means being abusive but you have no idea what your ex has told his DP, he might well be telling her that he 'needs' her there for protection/support so she feels she has no choice but to go.

(Thankfully since his ex moved 100's of miles away she no longer does pick up/drop off, her DP drives for 4 hours to the meeting place she hasn't graced my DP with her presence in 3 years, She now saves the abuse for phone calls )

I think though this is more about the actual scenario / person rather than the 'role' that person is playing. In your circumstances you were an innocent party whereas in this situation the woman in the car was part of the reason the OPs world was turned upside down (whether she is responsible or not, she represents the reason).

sacha28

Jagraf wrote: »

I think though this is more about the actual scenario / person rather than the 'role' that person is playing. In your circumstances you were an innocent party whereas in this situation the woman in the car was part of the reason the OPs world was turned upside down (whether she is responsible or not, she represents the reason).

Of course Jagraf, I see your point entirely however, I was seen (wrongly) as the person that was responsible for the total demise of their relationship as I, theoretically speaking, put water on her hopes of a reconciliation.

Maureen hasn't said anything about whether this lady knew of his 'double life', as it were, all she has said is that he had a serious relationship with this lady for 3 years. It is entirely possible that she found out when the OP did yet chose to forgive and continue with the relationship.

duchy

It's probably she doesn't trust him further than she can throw him based on his past record.........He's simply not trusted out alone .

She's not getting in your face so just ignore it -and eventually you won't even notice if she's there or not (inevitably one day she won't be -once a cheat always a cheat and she'll no doubt leave him too)

POPPYOSCAR

VfM4meplse wrote: »

The harm has already been done.

Why shouldn't the children be made aware that this woman was in part the reason for their parent's split? Why should they not be able to make a judgement whether to associate with her or not based on facts?

Because it can screw up those kids for life.

fivetide

Sounds like he was cheating on the mistress with whoever would drop trousers before he left with her so may well be doing the same now.


Maureen, you know it is irrational, I'd go with the good advice of just ignoring it. Sounds like you have done a good job with the kids so give the her the mental two fingers and cease getting annoyed (easier said than done)