I need some advice on an issue with my ex

Jagraf

I'm not quite sure why he would want to bring her, or why she wants to be there. Maybe as someone else suggested, she doesn't trust him. And maybe on the other hand he's actually not happy. I'm all for playing happy families but he can't be that bothered as he is the one who caused the misery and upset in the first place.

splishsplash

Why do you hate to see her with him?

Are you mad at her or at him?

What is is exactly that gets your pulse racing?

Why do you feel insecure at your own home when they call?

amistupid

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

It's patently obvious that you're not completely over the separation or it wouldn't upset you so much,

Some people never get over being betrayed.

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

so the only thing I can see you doing is to insist that he collects them from somewhere other than your home and be grateful that she's nice to your kids.

That seems a reasonable compromise just a shame he doesn't seem a reasonable bloke. As for suggesting that the OP should be grateful that the other woman is nice to her kids, I wonder how much thought she was giving to the kids whilst she was shagging their father.

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

She's not the one who betrayed you and she owes you nothing. If you need to be hurt and angry at anyone, it's him.

It takes two to tango, the other woman was complicit in the betrayal and the OP has every right to feel anger or hatred towards her..

What if roles were reversed, I imagine the betrayed husband would feel just as uncomfortable with the situation as Maureen does.

splishsplash

amistupid wrote: »

Some people never get over being betrayed.
That seems a reasonable compromise just a shame he doesn't seem a reasonable bloke. As for suggesting that the OP should be grateful that the other woman is nice to her kids, I wonder how much thought she was giving to the kids whilst she was shagging their father.
It takes two to tango, the other woman was complicit in the betrayal and the OP has every right to hate her for it.

Nope. The OP needs to get her head round the fact that she was NOT betrayed by the other woman, she was not married to the other woman, she is owed nothing at all by the other woman.

Nothing.


The wrongdoing is entirely the ex-husband's, no-one else's.

It may be easier for the OP to deflect her hurt and anger onto the other woman, as unfortunately she must deal with the ex because they have children, but the sooner she understands that that is what she's doing, the better.

Whether or not the other woman knew the ex was married or not is immaterial. The ex knew he was married while he was shagging her, he knew he had children while he was shagging her and he chose to continue shagging her.

That the other woman was happy to land such a catch is a sad reflection on her self-esteem, but should really give rise to no stronger feelings than a mild contempt in the OP really.

It's the ex who is the traitor, no-one else.

If the OP had truly worked her way through all the hurt and betrayal this piece of work caused, she would see this. As the moment, she is blocked.

Think about it, OP. You should associate this other woman with feelings of relief if anything - you could be where she is now:eek:

amistupid

splishsplash wrote: »

Nope. The OP needs to get her head round the fact that she was NOT betrayed by the other woman, she was not married to the other woman, she is owed nothing at all by the other woman.

Her husband committed adultery, the mistress was complicit in the act, that's why, unless the law has changed, she can, although it is frowned upon, be named and shamed in court.

Of course he's to blame but to suggest a mistress is completely innocent and 'owes nothing' to the aggrieved party is nonsense.

Mojisola

amistupid wrote: »

Of course he's to blame but to suggest a mistress is completely innocent and 'owes nothing' to the aggrieved party is nonsense.

It's still no reason to forgive him enough to speak reasonably with him but to freak out at the other woman sitting in a car on the other side of the road.

barbiedoll

OP, next time he comes to your door to pick up/drop off the kids, give them all a big smile, give his missus a friendly wave and shut the door.

Then sit down, relax, and bask in the knowledge that you know he's a cheating liar, AND so does she. But only one of you is stupid enough to actually carry on having a relationship with him.

And remember the old saying....When a man marries his mistress, he creates a vacancy.

fabforty

victor2 wrote: »

Give him a cup of tea and chat with him about the children next time he comes and leaves her in the car. Make up some issue that "needs to be discussed" if necessary. Discuss it in a room out of view of the new partner sitting in the car. She'll either make excuses not to come and wait in the car in future, or suspect him of having a quickie with you... He'll get the grief either way.;)

In other words, play stupid silly games!

quidsy

Every time he comes and she's sat I the car, just remember, he's prolly cheating on her already, so you should feel pity not anger.

pollypenny

Mojisola wrote: »

What a childish, passive-aggressive way to behave!

Why shouldn't his partner come with him to pick up the children? They are a family unit when he has them - the OP needs to get used to it.

Is the ex not showing passive-aggression by bringing the woman he committed adultery with to collect the kids?

Maybe there's the odd occasion when they are taking the kids out somewhere would be fair, but not on a regular basis.