Hygiene of friends

David301

My wife and I started being social with a couple at a local fundraising event. They often would pop round and have a cup of tea/coffee at ours and a chat if they were on the way passed.

We were invited to go to theirs the last time which we thought would be a nice change and accepted the invitation.

When we arrived we were asked to leave our shoes by the door, which is no problem at all, we don't particularly mind at ours, we just vacuum if necessary after the guests have left.

Anyway with the shoes off the door to the house was opened, the carpets were very dirty, woven with animal hair and crumbs. In parts my socks actually stuck to the carpet.

There was quite a pungent smell in the air of animal, grease, and general stuffiness.

We were ushered into the lounge and gestured towards a very grubby looking couch, it looked as though it was the dogs bed if i'm honest.

We were asked if we wanted to have a cuppa and told that sandwiches had been made for us. I could see the horror on my wifes face at this comment and the whole general situation. She isnt a clean freak, we have animals ourselves but this really was a build up of months if not years of lack of cleaning.

We could see into the kitchen from where we sat and could see a cat litter tray up on the kitchen counter. It was one of those with a lid so couldn't be sure if it was empty or full.

We both declined the offer of the drink. I felt I needed to explain why I didn't want one and said that I had not long had one. My wife on the other hand had suddenly become lactose intolerant.

Our friend said ok, ill just go and get the sandwiches then! My quick thinking wife said "im ever so sorry, we didnt realise you were doing food, we ate before we came"

After a brief chat, my wife reminded me of that "thing" that I had to do so that we could leave. There were no arguments from me, "oh yes that thing"

We peeled ourselves off the couch, her black cardigan was now grey due to all the dog hair on it and left. As we were putting our shoes on at the door it was mentioned that next time we will have to come round with empty stomachs!

The moment we got home my wife gave the order to take off our clothes because they were going straight into the washing machine. Yes it really was that bad!!

Anyway - The question

Have you experienced this situation?
Do we tell them that we dont want to go again and the reason why or is it best to be busy all the time?

:undecided

Alikay

Yes. I know what you mean! My aunt's house was similar. She lived 3 hours from us and didn't drive so we had no option to visit her. We used to stop at a nearby petrol station on the way there and back for a wee so we didn't need to use hers as it was minging.:rotfl:

She was a lovely, warm, funny lady and always wanted to do us a meal. Actually she was a great cook, and though the kitchen wasn't exactly 5 stars on the hygiene score, it was the least dirty part of the house, so we'd sneakily wipe our cutlery clean with tissues and tuck in. We never got ill either (the human immune system is a marvellous thing!).

I also visit some pretty grotty houses as part of the volunteer work I do, and although I normally decline drinks, if I'm repeatedly offered one I may accept out of politeness and again, I've never been ill.

So in answer to your question about not visiting again and telling them why: No, don't tell them why - it's rude and hurtful. As for visiting, well since they live near you, why don't you meet at the local pub for a pint instead?

fairy_lights

Eurghh, I think seeing a litter tray on a kitchen counter in a filthy house would be enough to turn the strongest of stomachs, I don't blame you for passing on the offer of food and drink.
Telling them could potentially damage your friendship, particularly if you haven't known them long and aren't close enough to be brutally honest with them. I'd develop a severe allergy to cats and arrange to meet in the pub in future. Maybe when you know them better you can bring the topic of cleanliness up in general conversation and drop hints but for now, it's probably not worth it.

David301

Yes we have thought about meeting somewhere different, but sometimes people can force the issue, which we are hoping they dont. I agree it is hurtful to actually tell them the reason, this wouldn't be an initial choice. We decided we would be busy if asked to go again and in a wimpish way hope that they stop asking lol

I think maybe they are excited about people going round because no one does?? and probably due to the reasons above

System

Similar situation here,

we were invited to a barbecue on the caravan site we store out caravan on. Hubby had helped put their awning up so they invited us to their barbecue.

We sat around the barbecue... The man of the house was cooking the food, the wife was buttering the bread. Hubby had a phone call from work which was pretty important so he excused himself and wandered back to our caravan.

"She's never going to serve us that!" I inwardly thought. The meat had got blood oozing out of it and I not only thought of us but I thought of the poor kids (they had 6) lining up to be fed.

Hubby was quite a while so I wandered over with a plate of raw food in between bread rolls.

As I handed him the plate I uttered "For goodness sake, eat the bread round the meat just to show willing, the meat is raw!"

I went back to our hosts and a few minutes later hubby appeared with an empty plate. I forced down one roll with raw meat on it and prayed for deliverance if anything was to go wrong but there was no way I could get out of eating something.

I needn't of worried about their kids, they fed them biscuits and not a lot else. The poor little lad with cerebal palsy was stuck in between a couple of pillows in the caravan on his own with a wafer to nibble on.

Never have I felt so inadequate in my life! I see them occasionally on Facebook. She'd got issues and kept forcing them onto everyone else. I ditched her as a friend as soon as I could.

Alikay

David301 wrote: »

Yes we have thought about meeting somewhere different, but sometimes people can force the issue, which we are hoping they dont.

If you also stop asking them to your house, and instead concentrate on making the pub your meeting place, that might discourage them from asking you....maybe develop an interest in artisan ales or pub quizzes to ensure it stays that way?:D

Stevie_Palimo

It's never good being in a house that is filthy and I used to do window fitting many years ago and we did a lot of council houses and some of them were pure filth so a drink was always refused in a polite way of course.


I remember one guys house who had dog doo in the bedroom on the floor and even the bed it was so bad we had to cover our mouth's and noses in there, When we took the old window frames out which were the old style box sash ones he had money stuffed down one side of which was a few quid at the time and we had said you better put this in the bank and not keep it indoors.


Most of the times in the dirty houses we normally left them cleaner than we went in to them.

bouicca21

My vote is for allergies - although you love pets and have pets of your own, your allergies mean you have to be incredibly careful about cleaning up any and all signs of their existence. You just can't risk it ...

It turned my stomach enough that ex s.i.l. fed her cats on the kitchen work surface, a litter tray? Yuk yuk and more yuk.

suki1964

We had neighbours who were the salt of the earth, great fun, family orientated, would do anything for you. Housework was the bottom of their list

Seriously you would stick to the floor walking in and you had to clear the sink before you could wash a mug

Never put me off calling in, never refused a cuppa either

I've worked in market research and yes I've seen some pretty disgusting houses but I've never refused people's hospitality

Whilst my house is pretty clean, my kitchen floor is rarely. It rains a lot and I've an old dog who is in and out constantly. But then I never serve dinner off the floor

I understand people are uncomfortable with standards very below their own, esp around pets. In your shoes ( or socks ) I would keep home visits short, on the hop type and make longer visits with each other to the pub or some other neutral place like a coffee shop in town

Fluff15

Alikay wrote: »

So in answer to your question about not visiting again and telling them why: No, don't tell them why - it's rude and hurtful. As for visiting, well since they live near you, why don't you meet at the local pub for a pint instead?

I agree with this - if they push for it, throw in something about allergies as well. My friend genuinely has come accustomed to her own pets, but allergic to everybody else's including my cats and her boyfriend's dog. She takes antihistamines before coming around either of our houses.

If they seem like nice people but you've only known them a short while, it would be mean to tell them I think.

gayleygoo

I was fine with most of that, until I read where the litter tray was. Why, why have it on the kitchen counter?! I don't mind general house dirt, pet hair etc, but if it was that bad then you'd have to wonder if they wash their hands after the loo/ before making food.

They may well be a lovely couple and were delighted to have people round, making sandwiches and all, so I wouldn't tell them why you don't want to go back because it could be rather hurtful if you don't know them well. If you do go again, wear two pairs of socks so you can take the outer pair off after you leave!