Here we can all be heard for a little while

calleyw

right back and shattered and a bit gob smacked.

My husband thought he had found a new friend and she arranged to meet him and now she has blown him out and said she is seeing someone else. He is not a happy bunny.

And think that is why I am gobsmacked at his reaction to something today. We were coming out of the multi storey car park and some pillock decided to race in my direction rather than go round. I stopped and he nearly did not as he was not looking, And my husband exploded and started shouting. Not like him at all.

I patted him on the knee and said its fine don't worry. And the guy was expecting me to reverse. Not on your nelly you came the wrong way so you move back wards.

Normally I would explode or be shaking or thinking I had done something wrong. but this time I was calm.

Not sure if it the meds or the hypnosis I am listening to. So I took husband to get a proper pair of head phones and booked marked the page and told him to listen everyday for the next week or two.

Only time will tell.

Yours

Calley

Flybaby

Calley - hubby was maybe angry coz some idiot had threatened one of the most precious people in his life (that would be you btw!) ~~squish~~
Personally I would like to throttle those idiots who think they can pick and choose which road rules to follow, including in car parks!!

Waves_and_Smiles

Hello all! Hope everyone is doing ok today?

I was emailed today by one of the ex-teenagers that I met when I was managing a website. There was one group of teenagers that no one could control, they were all from disturbed homes with various difficulties and were very cheeky, argumentative and forward. Everyone hated dealing with them but I adored them because I admired their ability to fight for themselves and what they believed in when their home lives were so bad and understood why they lashed out and basically trolled the site.

It took a year but I managed to compromise with them, they would still troll but we agreed on a code of honour never to hurt anyone's feelings, never to make personal insults and to stop the moment I told them to. This agreement worked very well (other staff still disliked them because they would not take being spoken to as children and could be very scathing if they felt patronised), and I developed relationships with them where they would confide in me. A lot were under the care of social services or in and out of children's psychiatric wards and desperately needed an adult to listen to them and show that they cared. Plus having had a dysfunctional childhood myself I related to their confused emotions and urge to lash out. I understood that they had found companionship in other teenagers going through similar things and they felt stronger together, even if that meant breaking site rules because they wanted to challenge authority and just feel a little powerful for a while. They also tried to push people away which they then they saw as proof that they were unwanted. I hung in there.

They nicknamed me their internet mum and even made me a signature the same as there's which read "We are the trolls and I am the troll mum!" Despite the other staff thinking I was insane I used that signature the whole time that I was a manager. Due to that little group I also got into some heated discussions with other staff members who just wanted to ban them, I refused to do so because the companionship they found in each other and the safety of the site was one of the few consistences they had, but they definitely caused me some headaches over a period of four years. It is where I met my american friend at the age of 15, she was one of those rebellious teenagers and is now a very close friend.

The one who emailed me today wanted to say thank you and to let me know that at the age of 28 she is about to marry one of the other teenagers who were part of that group. Her life is much better now and she has completed an English degree and is going to teach. She thanked me for putting up with her and her teenage stops and said I had always been there for her and she would never forget me. She told me that I was the only staff member never to give up on them and it really meant a lot at the time. The group of friends have stayed in contact to this day and if I had allowed them to be banned and they had been forced to go their separate ways they likely wouldn't have remained close. They all still support each other and laugh (and cringe!) about their times as teenagers. She also thanked me for being so patient and fun! We are going to stay in touch and she will send me wedding photo's.

I had a little cry...

geminilady

Aww what a lovely story WaS You should be very proud to have helped the girl, maybe her life would have taken a different track if you had not been there for her.You have done a lot of good in this world,maybe more than lots without mental health problems.You need to tell the nasty voices that when they start

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, thank you. It is funny how little things can make such a difference. I always liked the group and found them fun to watch on the site, yes they could be rude and flout rules but a lot of the time with the rest of their lives being so out of control the site was the only place they had to vent their feelings and try to gain some control back. Many spent hours on the site every day of the week for years, it was their safe place. It is wonderful to know that they have all grown up into lovely adults, some with families of their own now. I am very glad that I never gave up on them and I am proud of them all.

oldestgnome

Wow WaS

Waves_and_Smiles

Hahaha! It totally made my day. I am also very proud of the fact that most of them chose jobs where they could help others who are similar to them as teenagers. My american friend is a psychologist specialising in child psychology, the girl who wrote to me will be a teacher, her husband to be is a youth worker in a deprived area, another is a nurse and another works in children's residential care. They went on to try to make a difference in others lives, they have all turned into amazing adults and thoroughly nice people. I am sure that their own painful experiences in their teenage years will be invaluable to them in helping others.

Also, despite their lashing out and often scathing comments they were all basically lovely even back then. They could be horrid but at the same time they could be very sympathetic and kind to others and very very funny! I remember I was away from the site for two weeks because I was in hospital, I came back to my message inbox full. There were 1000 get well soon comments from them. This then turned into a regular thing where they would wait until I went offline and fill my inbox. They did a fact spam once, 1000 random facts that they found online. I thought it was hilarious, even though you could only delete 10 mails at a time so it meant I was sat there clicking for hours. They knew this! Other staff thought they were being a total pain and should be reprimanded but I found it very funny. Really, that was as far as their rule breaking ever went after we had established the trolling code of honour. Nothing that hurt anyone, just very mischievous things.

Another occasion was when they made me a very beautiful profile picture. I put it onto my site profile from the link they gave me (which turned out to be their shared uploading site) not thinking anything of it. I logged on a few days later to find a very questionable shaped carrot in its place! There was me as the site manager with a very naughty vegetable right there for everyone to see everytime they tried to mail me! They thought it was hysterically funny (and so did I, really). We had a lot of fun together!

Flybaby

Awww WaS - awesome and so worth a little cry that someone took the time to get back in contact to let you know the positive effect you had in their lives. ~~squish~~

calleyw

Flybaby wrote: »

Calley - hubby was maybe angry coz some idiot had threatened one of the most precious people in his life (that would be you btw!) ~~squish~~
Personally I would like to throttle those idiots who think they can pick and choose which road rules to follow, including in car parks!!

I am not sure that is the reason he was upset at being dumped.

But it did scare and concern me a bit he has never been like that even since his stroke.

Yours

Calley

jobbingmusician

Gosh, I am sooo behindhand! But I now have a computer at work that works

Anyway, to recap

- WaS, your mystery dinner last night sounded delicious to me - and what a bargain!
- glad to see that there is at least one other corned beef hash appreciator on here. It's a regular supper dish chez the JMs. We also have a delicious dish which is chorizo fried up with onions and potatoes, sometimes with chickpeas as well. Really good simple supper fare!
- how do I KNOW that the black dog biscuits taste of charcoal? I must have tried one at some point.....

WaS, that is lovely that your pupil got in touch! xxxx

OK, I have installed a replica of Temple Grandin's hug machine in the fort. Who wants a go? (If you want to read about it, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hug_machine TG is autistic herself and is a shining example of someone who has raised awareness and achieved loads!)