Here we can all be heard for a little while

Waves_and_Smiles

This thread is a continuation of the previous thread 'We all need to be heard for a little while', which can be found here https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5164991 The previous thread to that 'Just needed to be heard for a little while' can be found here http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/....php?t=4989825.

A group of us are now good friends through this thread, but we always welcome new people who are interested in mental health issues and helping each other. Everyone is welcome here.

Here is the first post of the original thread-

I started this thread when I was lonely and suffering with mental health issues and was lucky to find a wonderful group of amazing new friends who now mean the world to me. My name was Worried and Scared back then but with the help of everyone here I became Waves and Smiles. This thread is no longer just about me, it is about all of us and for anyone who needs mental health support, their carers and anyone who is interested in learning more. Sometimes we speak seriously, sometimes we offer gentle advice and a lot of the time we laugh together. Sometimes I write mini-novels about my experiences of living with complex mental illness. What is important is everyone here is there for each other. New posters are welcome to join in, or just lurk if they would prefer. This is a place without judgement or pressure, and a safe place for everyone. We try to keep abbreviations to a minimum but if there are some that you do not understand please ask.

Sir Pugliet is our Good Mental Health pug! You may notice that he is mentioned from time to time, he is a little cuddly pug toy that was sent to me by a friend on the thread. He is something of a celebrity now!

Hugs and warm handshakes, whichever you prefer.

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I have a lot of physical and mental illnesses that I have listed on the Disability forum so I won't bother going through them again. My partner is also a carer for his mother and she is particularly unwell at the moment so he is having to spend the weekend with her. I only have other carers during week days which means I am alone until Monday.

Today is a bad day, this world doesn't feel real, it feels like I am dreaming and I am about to wake up at any moment. Yesterday I was better but my stability can change within an hour sometimes and it happens several times a week. I don't expect any solutions as there aren't any, my psychiatric people work on maintenance as there is nothing more that can be done. I am on medication and have had 16 years of various therapies and we have come to the end of the line. It just helps me to know someone in this world (as opposed to the fantasy worlds in my head) reads what I say and it makes me feel more real and connected.

I have a hospital appointment on Tuesday as it has been discovered that I have Lupus too and I feel sick at the thought. I have only left my flat for 4 times in the last year, all for hospital appointments. My CPN and my partner are coming with me and we have a technique where I have a blanket over my head so I cannot see people, I can't bear to be looked at. I know that makes me stand out more to people but if I can't see them I can't tell that they are looking so it works.

Sometimes this is so hard and there is no way out of it. I have always cooperated with my doctors and done all that I can to get better but things can;t be improved. Believe it or not I am far more stable than I have ever been for the last 5 years, before was just lots of self-harm and suicide attempts and stays in hospital. I can't distract either as I can't have any music or sound as it makes me hear things and reading is no good as I get caught up in the lives of the characters and think that I am within the book, the book becomes real and real life fades away. A specialist told me once that we all have a switch that stops us dreaming when we wake up, my switch is faulty so I get confused between the two. I have been taught a lot of grounding techniques to try to overcome this, they work with varying success. I am just sitting here now waiting to wake up, I feel like this isn't my life.

This will pass probably after I stop worrying about the hospital appointment, I just have to get through but it is exhausting. I have been in and out of therapy and on medication since I was 13 and I am just so tired. I won't take my own life as I promised the 3 people who care for me that I never would and I would never hurt them but this isn't really being alive. I feel utterly useless to everyone. I spent a lot of my life in a children's home and really tried to get better. I pushed myself to go to university and worked all the way through to support myself and eventually got my dream job of managing a residential home for autistic adults with challenging behaviours. I was so very happy. Then I became physically and mentally ill and lost everything and something in me died then. I have only ever wanted to give back the help I was given to others in pain and now I can't even trust myself to do that.

Sorry for the ramble and thank you if you read this. As I said I am not looking for solutions, I just wanted to feel a little less alone.

Waves_and_Smiles

Welcome to our shiny new thread!

Someone post something so I am not talking myself :rotfl:

Ps. I finally corrected the typo that has been driving me mad in the first post since I started the original thread. Relief!

littleredhen

Hello:wave:

mellymoo74

You goo to go WaS?
Hello Littlered.

I am going to attempt to shower again
Wish me luck (been days again can't o it when like this hurts)

jobbingmusician

Oooo, a little red hen! Welcome, LRH! :hello:

Some more friends will be along in a minute.

WELL DONE WaS! It sounds as if you coped brilliantly with your credit card fraud! :eek:

Waves_and_Smiles

Hello Little Red Hen! What a cute username!

Good luck, melly!

Yay, people are here! I almost went on holiday without doing this, too much too think about!

littleredhen

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Hello Little Red Hen! What a cute username!

Good luck, melly!

Yay, people are here! I almost went on holiday without doing this, too much too think about!

Thanks, it was from the story of the
Little Red Hen that I used to read to my kids

Waves_and_Smiles

I am rather fond of little red hens, I befriended some very tame ones on holiday once and I have adored them ever since. They used to sit to next me in the garden and also sit inside the cottage if they managed to sneak in (or I sneaked them in).

elsien

Yay, shiny new thread. And new people. And typo free - well, on a temporary basis till my rogue apostrophes start going astray again.:)

Please can someone tell me why I was stupid enough to think that changing electricity suppliers would be a hassle free process? It's quite hard to express extreme frustration on a webchat without coming across as rude - I think the person on the other end was trying to be helpful and instead was coming across as incredibly patronising which really didn't help. I guess it just show though how easy it can be for misunderstandings to arise when there's no tone of voice or body language to go off.

calleyw

elsien wrote: »

It's quite hard to express extreme frustration on a webchat without coming across as rude - I think the person on the other end was trying to be helpful and instead was coming across as incredibly patronising which really didn't help. I guess it just show though how easy it can be for misunderstandings to arise when there's no tone of voice or body language to go off.

It is and has often got me in to problems with text messages LOL!!!

Anyway I hope everyone gets the sleep they need and deserve. I wont as I had a cat nap for about and hour and half this afternoon.

Just could not fight it any more. LOL!!!

anyway transplanted my runner beans this evening, and sowed so lettuce seeds.

Also ordered a T-shirt for a friend who has given a rather large collection of there toy transporters and beetles to me. Guess that what the T-shirt has on it? yes a VW camper van. Asda are doing a couple with vw campers on each are £10.

Good night my lovelies and get a good nice rest.

Yours

Calley

calleyw

Beki,

Just tried to private message you but its full.

Just wanted to say not sure if you have a home bargains close to you.

But they have a lot of hello kitty stuff in such as pencil cases, purses, thermal mugs and thermal lunch boxes, cushions for £2.99 etc.

I did resist as I am buying stuff for the house and garden at the moment LOL!!!

Take care

Yours

Calley