Should I bail my daughter out again?

dillydilly

'course you should, and think about giving her help with a deposit to buy somewhere. You're living free of mortgage in your fancy detached worth over £400k that you bought for under £100k, no wonder kids in the 20s are struggling. There's been a huge transfer of wealth over the past 20 years and it worries me how people in their 20s are going to get established at all.

[Deleted User]

I'd say no.

If you keep bailing her out, what's she going to do, when you're no longer here?

Paddy_Belfast

I've been bailed out twice and needed it a third time. I really only learned my lesson when I sought assistance from a local Advice Centre. They took me through the Bankruptcy process. It was daunting, yes, but not awful and having to sit in front of a Judge makes it hit home.

If Stit is a small amount of money, then of course, she'll not need to go bankrupt but she will still need to work with creditors.

Bring her to an appointment at an advice centre. Don't go in though. She might have underlying problems that she doesn't want you to know about and the staff there might be able to put her on the right path, for good this time.

commandomum

No, no, no.

My husband's daughter is 38 years old and is in a poorly paid job (although she won't tell us how much she earns) and she is constantly in debt oh and she is still smoking twenty a day.

We have helped her out several times and we have seen no sign of the money she owes us. Each time we ask her about it she tells us about some new debt that she has to pay first because the bailiffs turned up.

I know it sounds harsh, but letting the bailiffs turn up might teach her what she needs to know that apparently she hasn't grasped that you spend money that you need to pay it back and yes the bailiffs will turn up on your doorstep for a lot less than £2000.

There is a website that she can phone, i can't remember the name but a google search will find it and they will help her with advice etc.

I do not live in a large expensive house but myself and my husband are now living on one income as i was made redundant and i have no hope of getting another job as i will be 60 in a couple of months.

tibawo

I'd say no. From personal experience my parents bailed me out twice and I did not learn as the money was given to me and I could pay a nominal bit back so just carried on spending. I only learnt and still am in my forties to manage my money after having to have an iva. I look back over things I bought out of want or where a bargain and really wish I learnt sooner.
There is some truth in the saying you have to be cruel to be kind.

elsien

dillydilly wrote: »

'course you should, and think about giving her help with a deposit to buy somewhere. You're living free of mortgage in your fancy detached worth over £400k that you bought for under £100k, no wonder kids in the 20s are struggling. There's been a huge transfer of wealth over the past 20 years and it worries me how people in their 20s are going to get established at all.

Meanwhile back in the real world where many of us live in either rented or unfancy non-detached much less than 400k houses, just how are you anticipating someone who can't manage to budget at all is going to be able to pay a mortgage? Or do you think the OP should bail them out when they get repossessed, as well.
Get over yourself.

TBagpuss

What did you do when you you bailed her out before? Did you simply give her the money, or did you sit down with her, work out how she was going to repay you, and encourage her to budget and to look at better financial management?

If you have not previously done so, then I would say consider helping her, but make is absolutely clear that you will not simply give her the money, but will require her to provide you with a breakdown of her income and expenditure so that you can work out together what will be a reasonable repayment schedule

Encourage her to speak to Stepchange (http://www.stepchange.org/)

Make clear to her that she *must* make the payments to you each month, and that you will not be able to lend her anything further.

And then stick to it.

You may need to encourage her to think about whether she can afford to live as she is doing - for instance, if she is renting, can she afford to, or does she need to be looking at moving into a shared house/flat?



(if you can afford to, you could chose to then save the repayments she makes, and perhaps make her a gift of the money once you feel that she is managing her finances appropriately)

tain

I'd bail them out, because defaulting and CCJs can have serious effects later in life that she's still to naive about at the moment.

However don't just dish the dollar on to her. Tell her to send you every bill she has so you can see it for yourself. Call up the companies, agree a minimum payment so they don't default, then only pay off in installments over time. This is instead of paying it off in a lump sum and get her back to a clean start - do the minimum to get her out of immediate trouble.

Then make a note of all her debts, cut up all her current cards, and if she takes out any new credit anywhere then you'll stop paying her bills. So you're still giving her the 2k, but you're demanding a commitment from her over a longer period of time.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

As someone who was bailed out by parents I will tell you this:

I didn't learn, at all, until one day I rang my parents upset. Desperate to borrow money and they turned round and said no. It was the kick up the back side I needed. We were in 32k worth of debt. That was 7 years ago - I'm now debt free (fella free!) and own my house and have savings (and even a pension!) I can support me and my kids and we go on 2 vacations every year now

You might think you are helping by bailing her out - you aren't.

If she wanted to sort herself out she would - instead of throwing money at her, throw her into the DFW board and let her help herself

tallgirld

Well if you have done it twice already maybe third time lucky. I personally wouldn't do it a third time.

She needs to learn the hard way!!