is my husband hiding money?

duchy

The trouble is that people with normal levels of self esteem simply can't comprehend that a relationship can genuinely be as unequal and oppressive as the OP has talked about . Unfortunately it can be.

Buzzybee90

The response to almost every post about a bad relationship is leave him.

I mean come on. I think the whole premise is pretty suspect too.

Kittycat1981

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

I have given a lot of thought to leaving. Not just recently but over the years.
But the guilt of taking the children away from their dad kills me.
Plus I literally have no friends, no family... I cant do it.
Im so so so upset right now. I actually think I'd rather die than live this life.

No man is worth taking your own life- think about your children, think about YOU.

From what you are describing you are living in an abusive relationship. Financial control and social isolation is just the start, you are already so low in mood and self esteem you have almost given up. DV takes everything from you- its not just about the physical violence, the emotional abuse leaves much deeper scars.

I have worked with many women who have been in horrific DV relationships, they all started with control (money, friends, clothes, food, etc etc) and escalated.

You say that you will feel guilty for taking the children away from their dad- he can still be a parent- you dont need to live under the same room. The environment is toxic. Children learn about relationships, problem solving, negotiation from their parents, do you want your son to learn thats how to treat women or your daughter to think its ok to be in that kind of relationship - (well mummy way)

Please seek some support for yourself, there are lots of organisations out there that can help- speak to your GP, health visitor, children's centre or your local authority Domestic violence team.

Good luck.

fierystormcloud

Kittycat1981 wrote: »

No man is worth taking your own life- think about your children, think about YOU.

From what you are describing you are living in an abusive relationship. Financial control and social isolation is just the start, you are already so low in mood and self esteem you have almost given up. DV takes everything from you- its not just about the physical violence, the emotional abuse leaves much deeper scars.

I have worked with many women who have been in horrific DV relationships, they all started with control (money, friends, clothes, food, etc etc) and escalated.

You say that you will feel guilty for taking the children away from their dad- he can still be a parent- you dont need to live under the same room. The environment is toxic. Children learn about relationships, problem solving, negotiation from their parents, do you want your son to learn thats how to treat women or your daughter to think its ok to be in that kind of relationship - (well mummy way)

Please seek some support for yourself, there are lots of organisations out there that can help- speak to your GP, health visitor, children's centre or your local authority Domestic violence team.

Good luck.

:T

The problem is; is the OP brave enough to go and get that help, or will she suffer in silence, like many women do? And then be full of regret in her later years...

She has made it very clear a few times, how unhappy she is. And then she comes back occasionally and says 'awww it's OK really,' when most people can see it's not OK.

Best to get help now, and take some action on this emotionally abusive marriage to this controlling man.

RuthnJasper

I'm sorry that the OP hasn't been back. Maybe she was put off by the infighting. Either way, I hope she's OK.

Morglin

fierystormcloud wrote: »

These 2 posts are BANG out of order.

And do you know accusing people of being a troll is frowned upon by admin, (and possibly against the terms and conditions.)

The attitude from both of you is pretty disgraceful, when the OP is clearly someone who is looking for help, and lost and confused, and in a place she is not sure she wants to be.

And this 'supporting a woman = man hating' old chestnut is ludicrous. I don't see any man hating on here, but I sure do see a small handful of people whining and crying because people have the termerity to post something that is not positive about ONE man.

Utterly disgusting posts. You should both be ashamed of yourself.

It's always hard to tell, on a forum, whether someone is genuine or not, but regardless of that, only one side of the story is ever told.

One truth is, however, that the only two people that know exactly what is going on, within a marriage, are the two people involved.

People involved with the couple, in real life, may also have some idea, but anonymous people, on a forum, most certainly do not.

Which is why it makes sense not to take one side or the other, but to suggest they get professional or personal help and support.

In my view anyway.

Lin

thorsoak

I have my suspicions now that this might have been the work of a WUM - but even so, the advice given herein may well be useful to someone who is actually in this situation.

By advice, I mean the suggestions made by myself and others to look at the websites https://www.turn2us.org, https://www.womensaid.org.uk, and https://www.samaritans.org/.

It is a shame when a thread which starts as asking for advice degenerates into a slanging match between other posters - who all have equally valid points of view, but it should be remembered that that is all they are - personal points of view.

None of us are walking in the shoes of the OP (who may or may not be actually walking in them her/his self).

It is a shame when a slanging match causes a thread to be pulled - in this case it would appear that inflammatory posts by one poster have been pulled without causing the whole thread to unravel.

fierystormcloud

RuthnJasper wrote: »

I'm sorry that the OP hasn't been back. Maybe she was put off by the infighting. Either way, I hope she's OK.

It's hardly surprising she hasn't been back, seeing as how she has been accused of being a troll. It's only since then that she has not been back on.

thorsoak wrote: »

I have my suspicions now that this might have been the work of a WUM - but even so, the advice given herein may well be useful to someone who is actually in this situation.

None of us are walking in the shoes of the OP (who may or may not be actually walking in them her/his self).

It is a shame when a slanging match causes a thread to be pulled - in this case it would appear that inflammatory posts by one poster have been pulled without causing the whole thread to unravel.

I don't think so this time Thorsoak. Sometimes, I get a strong feeling someone is a WUM, but I don't think the OP was; I think she is just a very confused young lady who is desperately unhappy with her life, but doesn't know what to do about it. As I said up there ^^^ I think being accused of being a troll has probably scared her off.

I hope she manages to get things sorted, and I have to admit, that despite what I have said previously; on reflection, I think saying LEAVE HIM whenever a woman says she is having man troubles is a bit harsh; in some cases, it may be that things can be resolved, and sometimes, men may not even realise that they are doing anything wrong. Of course there are some men that will just never change who they are, as it's ingrained into their psyche. (And women too!) But it's crazy to throw in the towel without even trying to make it work.

Agree with you last paragraph.

quidsy

What is a WUM?

heartbreak_star

Wind Up Merchant.

HBS x