is my husband hiding money?

BigAunty

David301 wrote: »

Maybe the husband is trying to keep the actual money situation from his wife a secret because it is so dire that he lives in constant dread that an unexpected bill could arrive and he doesn't want his wife to live like that. .

That's a good point. The debt free wanabee forum has posts from debtors who are concealing the extent of their credit woes from their nearest and dearest due to the shame of it and fear of how it will affect the relationship. Other posts are from people who are devastated to find out that their household is actually v. deep in debt and they've never been aware of it, or the true extent of it.

mumof4littleguys

I have seen the gp numerous times and beenput on vvarious pills- none if which worked.
If I call the samaritans is it free? I wouldn't know where to start. Plus it would come on our phone bill and my husband would see. No I cant.

thorsoak

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

I promise you all that I have done more tgan I can to try to make things better.
Before all of this ctc stuff, no I wouldn't say I was happy. I wouldnt say I was terribly miserable either. I just got on with things I guess.

I can see what my options are. I just have no energy to fight so will put up and shut ip. And if I can fight the urge not to jus jump off a bridge for eternal peace, then I can plan for tge future and hope it will be a good one.

No I dont have famiuor friends nearby. I am isolated and more lonely than ive ever been in my entire life.

And that, my dear, is a very good reason for continuing to work - you have contact with adults outside your home - and friendships can develop that way.

BigAunty

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

Ive just found his p60 too.
not sure if im looking at tge right part but it says 'total for year- pay £23307, tax deducted £2659.'

I am not a benefits expert but you could use the Turn2us tool or ask on the benefits forum the likely CTC from that sum.

As far as I know, tax credits are based on last years income so the impact gets delayed in terms of reductions. Also, AFAIK, the cap for tax credits is around 25k so once that ceiling is hit with a salary, there's no tax credits to be had. But do check the position out rather than rely on my observations.

BigAunty

Guest101 wrote: »

Probably because no-one has actually suggested they work on their marriage?!

I thought I saw suggestions posted recommending couples counselling? Also, questions about how she is dealing with her depression which may colour her outlook and energy?

Besides, the OP has said she is willing to put up with a sexless marriage where her lazy husband lies to her and thwarts her bids towards independence, for the sake of the children, whom he readily ignores when she goes out the door.

BigAunty

Guest101 wrote: »

OP. Block this person.

You know what they say about abusive relationships. Well this is an online version of one.

Someone who doesnt know you, telling you what you HAVE to do.

And not actually reading or considering what your saying.

How is that advice any worse than if she gives him a BJ, it will rejuvenate their relationship?

fairy_lights

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

If I call the samaritans is it free? I wouldn't know where to start. Plus it would come on our phone bill and my husband would see. No I cant.

The Samaritans isn't a Freephone number and will show up on an itemized bill, but you can also email them at [EMAIL="jo@samaritans.org"]jo@samaritans.org[/EMAIL]

BigAunty

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

Plus I literally have no friends, no family...
.

Why is this? Did you move away from your original area? Estrangement from family? Devoted your time and energy directly on raising the children so didn't establish a social network?

Mojisola

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

No I dont have famiuor friends nearby. I am isolated and more lonely than ive ever been in my entire life.

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

If I call the samaritans is it free? I wouldn't know where to start. Plus it would come on our phone bill and my husband would see. No I cant.

The financial and intimacy issues plus the isolation from people who could support you plus a fear of him seeing that you have phoned the Samaritans clearly says that this is a bad relationship!

Most people would be shocked if they found out that their partner had phoned the Samaritans and would be desperate to help them.

Every person who has got out of an abusive relationship felt trapped and unable to act for a time before they finally left - that's the result of having a controlling partner. You need help and support - http://www.womensaid.org.uk/landing_page.asp?section=000100010018&sectionTitle=Contact+Us

David301

does your husband socialise? see friends?

Is it possible that he just feels like a slave to work? (rightly or wrongly)