is my husband hiding money?

David301

fierystormcloud wrote: »

Funny how the posters saying stay put and make it work etc, are men.

PLEASE.

Its not a womens jamboree, men have valid points and perspective also. ONLY the OP knows how it really is at home, what she can do, what she has done, and what she wants to do!

Mojisola

Guest101 wrote: »

She said theyre happy overall.

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

As I said before I have tried EVERYTHING to fix that part of our relationship. It has been going in for years and he is not interested in tge slightest.

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

I have given a lot of thought to leaving. Not just recently but over the years.

If one person feels like this, it doesn't fit my definition of a happy relationship.

thorsoak

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

He said he will not pay towards childcare atall. I wouldn't be able to afford it on my own. Id be working to pay someone else to look after my kids.

He would be required by law to contribute to the maintenance of his children - deductions direct from his salary if he would not co-operate.

thorsoak

Guest101 wrote: »

Did i say 'act sexy', or did i say seduce him.

Hmm.

There's two parties in this relationship, he may equally feel the OP isnt attracted to him anymore....

Oh but mere men should not have an opinion....

I appreciate that you have just come out of a relationship and will be feeling raw and hurt - but this post is not about you, is it?

I'm sorry that you feel rejected and hope that it won't be long before you can put your life back together again. Look at this thread again - it may give you pointers as to where your relationship went wrong.

RuthnJasper

fierystormcloud wrote: »

:T Good post Thorsoak (as always.)


This is clearly not a good relationship, and for the sake of the OP AND her kiddies, she needs to do something about it now. She has made it clear that she would leave if it weren't for the kids. But staying FOR the kids is wrong. She needs to change things. But I fear she won't as she feels trapped. Not sure we can help her.

It may be that the OP is of a religion or culture where divorce is extremely "frowned upon". It sounds like a grim situation, whatever the case.

OP - I wish you all the very best. Do have a look at http://www.turn2us.org.uk/Find-Benefits-Grants, though, it's a great resource.

Best wishes. x

David301

Just out of curiosity and not trying to be horrible, but how did you get to 4 children if you have been considering leaving over many years?

pmlindyloo

mumof4littleguys (what a lovely name, by the way)

I am sorry that you haven't been sleeping/eating for the last few days. I suspect that this thread has made you question a few things.

Please remember that when you originally came to this forum you had a question about why your child tax credits had gone down and this seems to have opened a can of worms!

Can you remember how you were feeling when you first came on the forum? Were you fairly OK about your relationship with your partner, just worried about finances?

The posts on here have probably confused you and made you have a long hard look at your relationship which has led to even more confusion especially the suggestion that you are being financially abused.

It seems to me that it might help if you considered your options so I would like to put them to you. Only you know the full extent of what is happening in your life so perhaps seeing your options will make things a little clearer.

So,

1. Stay as you are, get on with life and forget all about financial abuse.

2. Stay as you are and then when your youngest is 5 get a day time job.

3.. Get a day time job asap sorting out child care. You might lose tax credits but you will be better off. You can get help from tax credits for child care.

4. Try again to talk to your OH and ask him to sit down to work out a budget together.

5. Leave your OH.

I am sure all them seem scary but you have been given some links which will lead you to help and support. Telephone them and get some advice.

Of course you may choose to do one option and put another on hold until later.


You are going to make yourself ill if you don't make some kind of decision about your life.

Not all relationships are perfect, far from, it but not all are bad. Some just need tweaking. Can yours be tweaked?

RuthnJasper

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

I have given a lot of thought to leaving. Not just recently but over the years.
But the guilt of taking the children away from their dad kills me.
Plus I literally have no friends, no family... I cant do it.
Im so so so upset right now. I actually think I'd rather die than live this life.

Please don't harm yourself. You are a good, precious, human being and your children love you very, very much.

Why not make an appointment to have a chat with your GP? I do think you need some support and they can help with that. x

BigAunty

To the OP - the Samaritans is an organisation that will offer a non-judgemental and sympathetic ear to anyone going through a crisis. Give them a call to get some of the distress off your chest. Here on this forum, we are opinionated and try to influence outcomes. With the Samaritans, you will not get any pressure, just an outlet for your thoughts and feelings, someone with listening skills.

Are you receiving any support or treatment from organisations or your GP for your depression?

mumof4littleguys

I promise you all that I have done more tgan I can to try to make things better.
Before all of this ctc stuff, no I wouldn't say I was happy. I wouldnt say I was terribly miserable either. I just got on with things I guess.

I can see what my options are. I just have no energy to fight so will put up and shut ip. And if I can fight the urge not to jus jump off a bridge for eternal peace, then I can plan for tge future and hope it will be a good one.

No I dont have famiuor friends nearby. I am isolated and more lonely than ive ever been in my entire life.